The Most Beautiful Woman I Know

 

Would you be aghast to know that the most beautiful woman I know is my wife’s niece, Terrie?  Would you consider me to be a less wretched man when I tell you that I am referring to her inner beauty?

 

There are very few people you meet in this world who seem to have been given some of God’s own grace.  Terrie is one of those people.  She is actually the same age as my wife, technically a cousin to my kids, but they have always called her Auntie Terrie, and she is, by far, their favorite relative.  She is a nurse by training and avocation, lives alone, hasn’t dated since college and has endured a checkered employment history.  She has cared for the aged, the completely disabled, and the sick.

 

About a dozen of the elderly women she has cared for over the years have left her their fine china, the last of their prized possessions after the cost of health care consumed the remainder of their assets.  Terrie gave us one of those sets, which is, well, pink, and we try to use it at Easter every year.  Obviously something she did for them in their waning days touched them deeply enough for them to do that.  I think it is the basic human comfort she offered them that they valued so much.

 

Although I have known Terrie for more than 30 years, I have had the opportunity this past week to see and experience first-hand what she does for others.  My mother-in-law, Terrie’s grandmother, has lived with us for the past two years.  She had a stroke not quite a month ago and has been back home with us for the past two weeks.  These have been very hard weeks, with my mother-in-law crying out constantly and piteously for her dead siblings to take her to be with God because she doesn’t want to live as an invalid who is only sporadically lucid.  A week ago, my mother-in-law stopped eating and asked that her children and grandchildren visit her before she died.  Since then, we have had between 2 and 25 people at our house constantly from 8 AM to 10 PM every day.  Their collective sadness is palpable.  Terrie has stayed at our house most of the past week to provide relief to my wife during the overnight hours, to comfort and guard my mother-in-law when she gets agitated by all the people around who don’t seem to know when she needs a little peace and quiet, to quash family tensions, and to comfort anyone who needs it.  I am simply in awe of her ability to comfort others.

 

The thing I haven’t told you about Terrie is that she is super-morbidly obese and has been so for almost her whole life.  I weigh about 235 lbs right now and her weight is easily double mine.  She was marginalized in her own family by her mother, been discriminated against by employers for being a very large person, been ridiculed publicly, is actively shunned by people who see her, and leads a pretty lonely life.  Despite those horrors, she is not bitter or angry; she is instead a loving, caring, giving, comforting, wonderful woman whom I am blessed to know.

 

She is the one person who I have considered trying to persuade to have weight loss surgery.  I haven’t done so because that is an intensely personal decision, she is well aware of what it could do for her, and I respect the boundaries and decisions that have shaped who she is today.  I know that her weight will ultimately shorten her life, which saddens me deeply.  For now, I guess, I will enjoy her spectacular inner beauty and rail against those who can’t see past their own, weight-biased noses, to recognize a bit of the divine in our midst.

 

RP

RP,

She sounds like an angel......A gift from God......You are very lucky to know such a person.

Kelly

Kelly:

I am lucky to know Terrie.  If it is not already obvious, I am having trouble coping today and I wrote this to remind myself what good there is in my world.  As much as I have wanted to no longer be obese, I am finding that the best things I see in people are in those who are or were obese.  I guess there is comfort in kindred spirits.

RP

RP-
Print that out and give it to her, because she should know how deeply loved and appreciated she is!!  You have such a way with the written word, my friend.....wow.  I want to be better knowing there are people out there like Terrie.

~lynn

Lynn:

Thank you for your kind words.  I am thinking about giving this to her, but I had trouble telling her this morning what a comfort she has been to us....giving her this might make me a blubbering fool. 

RP

You say that like it's a bad thing.

How many times, in your obese life, did you feel invisible?  Un - or at least under appreciated?  I have to believe that sharing your once again eloquent thoughts will touch her in a place not many have bothered to reach for. 

Share it with her.  Make her year.  Even the part about WLS?  Sounds like she's the type of person who can take it as it's intended.  She'll recognize that it comes from a place of caring inside you, not judgement. 

Rick - I truly think that you should print this out and give this to her.  However you need to - write her a letter put it on her pillow to find in the comfort of solidarity.  You may never know how much this will mean to her!  So please do this for her.
Sal

Wow, what a story! I have tears running down my face reading this! You are both very wonderful and caring people- Terrie for selflessly helping people in need around her, and you for recognizing the awesome potential that she has that some unfortunately can't see.

If Terrie was someone close to me, I think I would have the same feelings that you do about WLS. It is an intensely personal decision and it's not fair to force it on someone; but I would want her to be around longer and it would be neat for her to do something for herself that could/would potentially make her even happier!

Thanks for sharing this!!

Allison

Sounds like Terrie is a gift from God.

so nicely put RP.  Try telling Terrie this or print your message out for her.  She will be honored to know how blessed you feel to have her in your life, I am sure of it.