The Accommodator's Guilt

The Accommodator’s Guilt

 

As my WLS journey has unfolded, I have learned that I need to stand up for me, to have higher expectations of the people in my life and myself, rather than be the great accommodator, someone who was so worried about pleasing other people that I usually didn’t even consider how my own needs might be met.  In retrospect, I buried my resulting unhappiness in heaps of food and ferocious self-loathing.   I am determined to not go back to how I used to be because I feel so much better physically as a thinner person, yet I have this pervasive feeling of guilt about needing to be more self-focused, more stubbornly accommodating of my own needs in order to be healthy in body, mind and spirit.  I am hoping that time and experience with being fundamentally different in that respect will acclimate others to the new me and help me become more comfortable with my new health-oriented reality.  Do I just need to be patient or is there anything else I can do to assuage this accommodator’s feelings of guilt?

 

RP

I used to struggle with this a lot - always putting others needs ahead of my own to the point where I felt I was almost being taken advantage of or at the very least being taken for granted. While it would make me feel guilty to say no, I would also be angry with myself for taking on commitments that I didn't have the time for and in many cases for people who would never do the same for me. I think I have come a long way - at first I would feel guilty, but at the same time I was happy with myself for taking care of me for a change and over time saying NO without guilt became much easier. And you know what? All the people in my life that I was worried about saying no to are still in my life, because they like me for me, not the things I would do for them. 

Delia

PS - I love the new avatar. You look great.

You "gotta" do what you "gotta" do RP.

Here's my new life motto....

"I love you, but I love ME more."

That about says it all. That quote is thanks to Sex in the City by the way. LOL