The Fat Man Is Chasing Me...

The Fat Man Is Chasing Me…

 

The fat man is chasing me.  I wish that was as funny as it sounds.  Some days I see him staring back at me in the mirror. His eyes are my eyes, reflecting some of that old, unwelcome self-doubt.  I don’t see or feel him so much in my body any more now that I am 16 months out from surgery and down 150 pounds.  I rarely feel ponderous or strain to catch my breath like I used to, but there are days when I feel his grasp pulling me back toward old habits, toward failure and despair.  Cursing his presence does no good (I have tried doing so) and in some ways it is a blessing, a reminder that I can never relent, that I have to be vigilant about taking care of myself physically and emotionally, that I have to get back up when I stumble, that I must be willing to seek out support when I need it, and that I simply can’t give up on myself.  I know that I can outrun him, on my feet, in my head and in my heart.  I just have to be reminded from time to time that he is there somewhere behind me, willing for me to become him again, but only if I get lazy or depressed and let him.

 

RP

Just outwalk him RP, he can't catch up and your mind knows that.  To bad they don't find that little spot in our brains that lurk there to sabatoge the progress.  It is up to each of us to tell our minds that we are different folks now and are having things our way, the healthy way.

Well said again!! I am afraid of the Fat Lady that stares back at me from time to time! Wonder if she will ever just go away forever? And do I want her to leave or stay as a distant reminder? Can she be controlled at all times?