Feeling awkward in RS...

This is mostly a vent, I know what I should do... A little background.... Hubby and I have been fighting infertility (Almost 5 years of trying), a few years back the pain of 3-4 baby blessings most Sundays, and 10+ pregnant women in the ward really started getting to me, to the point that Hubby and I stopped going to church. After a while the guilt, and worry that people would "stare" at us as that inactive couple kept us away. We sold our house and moved to a completely different area about 15 months ago, and decided we needed to get back to church, it was a fresh start, and we did. We loved our new ward, it felt like home. Almost immediately I got called into the Primary Presidency, didnt have much of a chance to get to know people in our ward. The calling was deffinately inspired, the primary presient had never met me before, and chose me after much prayer at the Temple. I think HF knew I needed something to commit me to coming each Sunday and not start slipping back into old patterns of skipping church. I spent 8 months or so as 2nd counselor, then the presidency was released but I got called back as a teacher. So pretty much my whole time in the ward has been in primary. It's hard to get to know anyone when stuck there, and our ward is growing like crazy--- 5-6 new couples each Sunday. Lots of new homes been built etc.. Finally a few weeks ago they split from 2 to 4 wards, I was released from primary, and as of yet don't have a new calling. I was a little excited, no calling meant I could finally go to Gospel Doctrine & RS for once, and maybe get to know some more people. Sunday was out first chance. So an excited me gets to RS as soon as class finishes and I take a seat--- I know a few people there from our old ward, but only really from sight, I dont really "know" them. As everyone comes in, no one sits anywhere near me, I was on the end, and the closet person was about 5 seats down. Everyone else is talking and laughing, I feel completely left out. Of course its my nature to start thinking about how fat I am, and figuring thats probably the reason no one sits near me. Im no "molly mormon". Everyone gets seated and all I can think is about how awkward I feel, and I wish I was back in primary-- where I was comfortable. Tears started welling in my eyes, and I didnt even last through all of opening excersise. I left quickly and sat in the car until Hubby was done with priesthood. I just couldnt stay there, I felt so unwelcome and out of place. It's feelings like these that drove me away from church in the first place. I feel so awkward and alone. I don't fit in with the older women (Im 24), and most of the young couples have kids, so we don't fit in there either. I know I just need to suck it up, and go... but all I want to do is sit there and cry.... I know this was long, thanks for letting me vent a little. I just don't want this to spiral towards inactivity again. Darlene EJ: 520/370/200 Me: I have a date!!! March 20th!!!

1st a date congraulations, I understand about what your saying, I moved from a really small branch where everyone watched out and cared for one another one big family. I moved here and its a ward, and I feel like such a outsider, there all family and friends forever. They do not call me when there a family that needs something. I hear about meeting after the fact. Example a sister husband had cancer, in Jan. I asked how he was doing they said he died in Nov.( felt like a fool) I was so glad I did not ask the sister how embarsing would have that been? I am suppose to teach RS 2nd sunday and I get sick everytime, cause I feel like such a outcast. I miss my branch family so much. I am about to go not active, or go to another Ward. Quess I now know the difference in Wards and Branches.... Hope everything works out, I know HF loves you and he wants you happy. I have a hard time thinking or saying suck it up, cause you will tell me to do the same. The 1st day I was called to Primary in MN one of the young boy**** a girl and when I came upstairs I had blood on my white T-shirt told the branch Pres. that if I could survive this I might need to wear armor next Sunday, it all worked out, but I was thinking what had I gotten myself into. Now I am thinking the same with RS teaching and there no blood!! Have a great weekend Kaye

My two dear sisters....I feel so bad for you. It is hard to get to know new people or deal with our feelings when we feel we are being judged or rejected. Now please don't take what I'm going to say wrong...please don't because I say it with love. You can't let others behaviors and attitudes real or perceived dictate your purpose...your direction. You are not attending your meetings for purely social reasons. I know you already know that. So, go, branch out...approach them and don't wait for them to approach you. Step out of that comfort zone and make the first step. Say a little prayer and then plop right down next to them. Smile and say, I really need to feel your sweet spirit today...do you mind if I sit next to you today? Life is more then being safe...its an opportunity for you to grow and love. Grab that chance and use it....you will be better for it. As for not knowing what is going on with others....that could lead to some really uncomfortable moments....but don't blame yourself for that. I am certainly one that doesn't get caught up in all the "goings on" of others....by choice. It leads to gossip and other things that I'd rather steer clear of. But, when you do make a blunder like that, just apologize and say, I didn't know that. I will definitely go visit her this week. Then do it. Call her and explain that you didn't know and that you love her. Ask her if there is anything you can do? Frankly right now would be a perfect time because by now, I'm sure her loss has been pushed aside by others who have moved on from the moment now and just to have someone recognize that she is probably still needing support would be welcomed. The church is people, the Gospel is Christ. Christ didn't and wasn't always accepted when he went to different places, but he reached out and loved. That is our goal....to be more like Christ. Christy

I know, I understand what your saying. I know I can't let this stand between me and HF..... I just feel so lonely at church, and it's so hard to feel the spirit when all I feel is rejected, alone, awkward, fat.... those feelings overwhelm what Im supposed to be feeling... Let alone all the pregnant women and baby blessings are still all there right infront of me. Im learning to let go of that a little, because I have to realize that with surgery, that will not happen to me for at least a year--- but the pain is still there everytime someone announces they are pregnant, which seems almost weekly, or someone asks why we don't have any kids... Im hurting, and it makes this so hard... Darlene

Thank you. If I really want to go back to when it all started, it was really when I moved to the USA. I grew up my whole life in a small Branch in Dunedin, New Zealand. My Dad was always either the Branch President, or District President. I knew everyone, everyone knew me. I met EJ online in an lds chat room, and left everyone I love, my home, my country to be with him. I came to the USA where church is huge, and Ive never felt like I did at home. Im glad others can relate.

Darlene, I'm sorry that you feel the way your do. I am married to a soldier so that means I get to experience a new ward every few years. I'm having an especially hard time right now because with the ward I'm in now, all the families that came the same time I did are now gone and we are still here. So all the women that I came to be close with are gone. And what is worse, I spent the summer in the States so wasn't there when all the new families moved in. Now I'm back and I don't know anyone and no one is trying to get to know me either. The "old ward" as we call it was so close and caring and now the "new ward" seems very clickish. The presidencies all stick together and the primary all stick together and no one really socializes with one another. I agree with the previous comment about how I should go to church for the gospel and not for the social, but it is hard to feel the spirit when you have the doubt of satan living in your sotmach! I was thrown from pirmary into a RS teaching calling basically overnight. I had only attended RS maybe, MAYBE 5 times in the 2-3 years I had been a member and now all of a sudden I was supposed to teach one Sunday a month. I was VERY self-conscious about doing something wrong, let alone my hang-ups about my appearance. I didn't know how to act or what to do/say. I had finally gotten comfortable and now I'm back to where I started with not knowing anyone and feeling uncomfortable and left out. At least now I don't have the "fat" issues hanging around my neck. So I know it is my responsibility to make friends if I want them and not wait around for them to come to me. It's just hard. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I just pray for you that once you have the surgery and start losing weight you can overcome some of the feelings of negative self-worth that keep you from interacting. It took me a long time to be able to do it, but I did and I know you can too. When you start feeling better health-wise and start looking better, your outlook on life is so much better. I'm assuming EJ is your husband, and you have lived with him through his weight-loss. You can see a difference in his attitude toward himself and others. When you start feeling better about yourself, you start feeling better about others too. God Bless you Darlene!! It will get better, I promise! Brenda 240/155/175/135 pre-WLS/pre-preg/current/goal

I sure hope I can overcome some feelings... There are a few couples I would love to try make friends with, but all I can think is how beautiful they are, and they don't want to be hanging out with a couple of fatty's *****ally can't do all the active things they like to do... In 5 years of being in the USA I have made 1 close friend here. Now even she has pulled away, started doing things that I don't want to be around, and that friendship is falling apart... Im sorry, like I said this is mostly a vent... I have this all just stuck inside of me, I need a good cry. Thank you for your comments! Darlene

Where are you from? I'm living in Germany for the last 4 years and will be here until summer '08 hopefully...if I get lucky maybe it will be even longer. I love it here!!

I grew up in New Zealand. I met Hubby in an LDS chat room, and left everyone for the USA. I miss home pretty bad, but have not yet been able to go back because of money.

Darlene- I have been where you are. And on some level am still there. My husband and I have been fighting infertility for 3 years after the birth of our only child. I had the surgery to hopefully remedie the situation. I have been inactive for about 6 years and only attend occasionally. The thought that does get me through is that I am not attending church for the people but for the things that I learn and also so that I can partake in the sacrament. Now that my son in in Sunbeams I have found it easier to go to church but it is still hard. We have lived in the same ward for 3 years and I hardly know anybody. What I do know is that when we do attend I have the best week, my husband (a non-member)and I argue less and my son constanly serenades us to "Scripture Power", I also feel less hopeless about having more children. I hope this helps a little... Stefani