keeping it a secret?

Deb,
What a smart girl you are.
I like how you told your friends with inviting them over for lunch this is smart thinking.
The way I look at it is I was the one who had to go through with the surgery and I am the one who has to make it work and deal with some of the food issues.
If my friends and family were there to suporrt me then all the better but in the end it is a personal choice.
Personally people that make the choice to have wls are heros in my book.
Anyone can talk the talk but can they walk the walk.
                                         Annie

I think you hit the nail on the head!! As you said,
"When I first decided to have surgery, I felt like it was a mark of my own weight loss failure, which is why I wanted to keep it a secret from all but those closest to me." I think that's exactly why I feel the way I do. I guess I feel as though I'm admitting I've failed. And telling people about it is simply advertising my failure!! Why would I want to do that?! But as you and others have pointed out there are good reasons to tell others. I think the longer I am involved in the process, the more comfortable I will become about telling others. Today I went to visit a very old and dear friend and I told her. She struggles with her own digestive issues and is VERY thin. She was so supportive, asked very intelligent questions, and was keen to follow my progress.

You're right.  As you become more comfortable of your decision, you'll start to tell more people.  And then you'll start noticing that you actually are feeling proud of yourself for the decision you've made! 

Good luck on your journey.

I too took a different approach.  I told everyone.  If I didn't tell them my boss did.  I probably had 3 people speak to me against it.  I told them that I understand how they feel but that this was a decision I had made and I took 5 years to make it.  Those people now that I am loosing so much weight are incouraging me.  It has given me a hugh support system.  I honestly am surprised on the outpouring of support they have given me.  People are bringing me clothes, plants (trying not to kill them), cards.  The personal trainer at the gym has even taken interest in my surgery to the point he is helping me with my workouts to help with the skin issues and not even charging me.  I do get a lot of questions about what I can eat.  It helps when I go out with some of these people, they order what I can eat....and give me 2 ounces of their food.  They also verify that where ever we go there is going to be something I can eat.

I do not regret telling people.  I had researched the different procedures before I had the surgery and I feel comfortable talking to anyone who doesn't like the idea.  I explain to them that it is a tool not a fix all.  My friends, co-workers, and patients (I work for a doctor) all saw what I looked like before so they understand.  IF they don't....I'm okay with that because everyone is free to have their own feeling and they have never walked in my shoes so if they want to complain the only feelings they are going to hurt is their own.  I respect they have different feelings....but their feelings aren't my feelings....and they have no control over my feeling...I wont give it to them. 

I love my RNY and would do it again tomorrow.

Meredith,

First of all, welcome to the NC Forum on OH. I have to say that I think that this group is just about the nicest, most supportive group you'll find anywhere. I really look forward to getting to know you as you make your way on this amazing, life-changing journey.

Now, on to your question ... As many before me have said, this is a very personal decision. You will need to do what works best for you, but as Shelli, said what works may change.

I must say that for me, I have taken the path that Deb and Pam took. I don't think that many of us enter into this lightly. I would say that most of us resisted WLS for quite a while and then really looked into the risk/cost/benefit factors before making such a huge, life-changing decision. I think that you are right, some people can't help themselves and will be judgemental, but to be honest, they will be so whether you are forthright with them or not. As Deb mentioned re: her friend at work, people made their own suppositons and her friend didn't garner the support that she otherwise might have had. My mother, sister, some friends and other family were concerned when I decided to persue WLS. I did my best to educate them and answer any questions they had. They have all been very supportive and absolutely delighted with my result ... as am I.

I think that the fear of failure is real and considering our histories, quite normal and reasonable, but remember that nothing else will give you an 80% long-term (10 year) success rate at not only loosing the excess weight, but keeping it off. When people tell you about their 'friends' that did it and gained it back, you can let them know that you are aware of the statitistics and that this is the only game in town that has an 80% longterm success rate. You can also tell them that of the 20% that 'fail', most are not from structural failures, but from behavioral issues and that you are going to arm yourself to ensure that you are part of the 80% that succeed ... being an active part of this and other support groups will go a long way towards that success, as will adding activity to your new life.

Make the decision that works best for you now and know that you change your mind as you move through this new life.

Wishing you all the best in this incredible life-changing journey,

Barb

I, too, have told anyone and everyone who will listen. I am so happy with my decision and my weight loss and just the change in my looks has been so dramatic - everyone would know something was up and that they had seen me diet in the past with very little success. 

The greatest news is that I have been of my diabeties meds since the surgery and if this can help someone else then I want to share. 

I think one thing is people do not understand about the surgery and they fear for us.  I was recently at my mother in laws and she wanted to feed me day and night - she wanted to share her vitimans with me, on and on and on.  It's hard for others to understand the new lifestyle and that I can not eat how and what I used to. 

All of my co workers and church friends have been so supportive and encouraging - they all want to see what I'm eating, etc. 

All this being said, you have to do what you are comfortable with and share with those you think will be supportive.

Good luck!

I have not kept it secret at all.  Some people I tell up front.....some I let ask me. At bible school this week during our break, a group of my friends all had the wls chat with me. I felt like a teacher  doing a question answering session. But I was glad to do it. Several also have a weight problem so I answered all questions , thoughtfully and truthfully. I think I helped them undrstand  how it works and what I have to do to make sure my tool is effective. I wanted to make them understand the guidelines I follow.  So many people think it is  the easy way and  they can eat what they want after surgery.  I try to clear that misconception from the minds of these people.
    Everyone has to aproach wls his or her on way. Just do what is comfortable with you no matter how many you choose to tell. From the replys it looks like I am a  little more open about it. But that is my way  to handle it.  I am so happy about the weight loss I just can't be still about it.  If you follow the nutritional guidelines I don't see hoe you can sabatouge your success. Plus you have this group of people here to offer you support. Just do what feels right for you.
Myrtis