Is this normal?

Every since I had my decision visit and found out that Dr. Mann's office sent in my paperwork for approval from my insurance, I have been eating all the time. I mean ALL the time. It's like I can't get enough food. Everytime I eat too much I always say to myself, ok this is not going to happen again. This is the last time. But then I do it all over again. I am so scared because if I am doing this now, what is going to happen when I have to do the 2 week atkins diet before my surgery day. I really do have a theory as to why I am doing this. It may sound dumb but I honestly do believe that the reason why I am doing this is because I know that after I have the surgery, food will not be my best friend anymore. I won't be able to eat like I can now and I think subconciously I am trying to eat as much as possible before I have gastric bypass. The bad thing is I told my surgeon that I would try to start doing the atkins diet now since I weigh over 400 pounds and he said that was a good idea. Now, I feel so guilty about it and what happens when I feel guilty? I eat of course. So is there anyone who can give me some ideas as to how to get over this. I really want to stop doing this. I want to lose some weight before I have the surgery. Is doing this normal? Please someone help me!!

                                                            Emelinda

So very normal!  It was even mentioned by my surgeon in one of my educational classes.  I went through it, badly.  I would buy a bag of cheetos and eat it all in one to two days, often times it would even get set off because I came on OH and it brought the idea of the surgery to the forefront of my mind.  I made dates of quitting different things.  I decided when I would quit having the cheetos, it was a struggle to not go and buy another bag, but I have now not had a cheeto in something like 6 weeks.  I decided that our last meal on the way back home from our vacation would be my last meal out, decided his because I knew it would be best to begin my 2 week low carb/high protein diet the following day.  I have now not eaten out in 3 weeks.  I want things, I want them badly!  I had to get DH to go grocery shopping with me some days because I knew those bad things were calling my name.  I about died when our store put a bunch of candy bars in displays all over the store (even at the area we stand in line for self checkout UGH) for 22 cents each.  I filled my house and fridge with the things I am allowed to have, including the allowed treats like sugar free jello, pudding, etc.  I am finding that my wanting to have the surgery and wanting to have it done as safely as possible with as little of a fatty liver as possible, is just what I needed to give me will power that I have never had in almost 42 years of life.  I had a breakdown with DH one night over the idea of what I am not eating and won't be able to.  I admitted through tears that I knew I was beginning to grieve my old friend, food. 
I guess what I am saying is that none of this has been easy for me, but I decided that I am worth it.  I am worth being healthy.  I am worth having as safe of a surgery as possible.  I am worth so much more than any cheeto or candy bar will ever be!!
I hope you find what you need to feel the same way.  I am sure you soon will and before you know it you will be on the losers bench with so many great examples on this board.

Thank you so much for replying. Right now I am sitting here trying to fight the urges to go into the kitchen and eat something. Something that is helping me right now is everytime I get the "urge", I take a swallow of my water I have next to me and I feel a little better.
The things that you said in your post is exactly what I need to do. My husband tries to tell me not to buy the bad things that I don't need but once I give him that look of "I will get it even if you don't want me to", he just says, Linda you know what your doctor (Dr. Mann) said. If you want to lose some weight before you have surgery you know what you have to do. It is all up to you." Sometimes him saying that works and honestly osmetimes it don't. One big reason why I am eating so much now is because I am always stressed out for some reason. See I have this kids next door that absolutely drive me crazy. I mean CRAZY!!!! They come over here everyday and just scream and yell and do everything I tell them not to do. I love kids and I am not a mean person but OMGoodnes, I want to tell them to get the hell out and don't come back but I don't.
Anyways, I think that I really need someone to talk to besides my husband and my therapist. Someone that can understand where I am coming from and can tell me that everything is going to be ok.
Ok well again thank you so much for replying to my post. I will keep in mind what you said. Lets hope things get better!!!

                                                                        Emelinda

Hi Emelinda-

I am scheduled to see Dr. Mann tomorrow 3/27/09 for my consult.  I have all my pre-op stuff done but I am still waiting for insurance approval.  I have been fighting cravings these last few weeks too.  It is hard...I share your fears and your hopes. 

How did you like Dr. Mann?  When are you planning on having surgery?  I understand that the new bariatic center will open April 16 at PCMH.  It will be located on the North tower where the old cardiac unit was located. 

Mitzi

Thank you so much everyone for replying to my post. I just have felt so alone the past few weeks or so and I just thought eating would take the pain away. Needless to say that never happened. I would eat and afterwards, the pain would still be there. So last night I sat down and wrote down a list of things that I can do to keep me busy so that I won't eat all the time. Well I am proud to say that today all I have eaten is scambled eggs for breakfast and some noodles for lunch. I am extremely proud of myself right now because any other time I would have already eaten so much. I want to let you all know that your support has gotten me as far as I am right now. Yea I do have a husband (Annie knows him..lol) but he isn't going through what I am going through and he really can't put his self in my shoes. He tries to show me that he is supporting me but I just need some people in my life that is going through or has gone through what I am going through now. I know that I have you all and I am extremely grateful for that. So if anyone wants to get my email address or phone number so we can support each other PLEASE let me know.

Also Mitzi, you will love Dr. Mann. He is awesome. He likes to smile and laugh a lot. He is very easy to get along with and he always answers your questions if you have any. I am having the RNY. He said he is going to try to do it laproscopically but if he can't do it that way he will do it open. I told him as long as it gets done, thats all that matters to me..lol If you need to know anything else, just shoot me a message. I'm here for ya!!

Ok well thanks everyone for the replies. I really appreciate it. If I ever feel down or anything, I know where to come to for support!!

                                                               Emelinda

I did it too. I called it my world tour. I wasn't eating all of the time but I ate everything I could think of. I had all of my favortites. I went to my favorite restaraunts. I ate Taco Bell every other day. I had desserts, snack foods and anything I loved. I was just saying goodbye to that way of life. I wanted no regrets. I have no regrets and all is good. Maybe it is this way for you too. Once the time came for me to settle into the diet I was fine. Good luck and I am sure you will be fine too.

Hi Linda,
I did this too.
I think many people call it The Last Supper syndrome.
UNC did not require a pre surgery diet but said to loose if you could before surgery.
People like you and I have turned to food for so many reasons it has been like a friend to us but you can see what damage it has done to us also.
I pigged out on chocloate,cakes,ice cream and chocolate sauce.
Now I really dont think about having stuff like that mainly because I will pay for it by dumping ect...
What i do have from doing that are food memories.
I am comfortated by my food memories.
Yestday I stopped by the store and my friend was doing a carrot cake demo.
I thought about it for a minute about having a very small amount but decided I was not going to risk it.
After your surgery and when you experince dumping or having things get stuck I promise you ,you will not want to do that food that caused this for a longggggg time.
I do know if you eat things high in carbs they tend to make you very hungrey.
                                                                    Annie

Emelinda,  I want to encourage you to start treating yourself with all the TLC that you deserve!  Love yourself!  Love yourself enough to keep your stress levels to a minimum.  If the neighbor's child/children drive you bonkers, then let them and their parents know that you are making some changes in your life right now so that you can focus on yourself and your health...your home can't and won't be a revolving door anymore. 

Learning to say NO is such a hard thing, but you can do it!  Having those stress-triggers under control, or at least to a minimum, is going to be important for you post-op as well.  It will help you in your recovery and the surgery doesn't make stress-eating go away.  You need to start eliminating the stressors now because YOU ARE WORTH IT! 

I would also encourage that if you don't have to do a diet pre-op, other than your 2 week Atkins, don't "diet."  Use your mealtimes and snacks to enjoy the foods you enjoy but do so in reasonable portions.  I'm so glad that I chose to do just that and I don't look back with any mourning or regret whatsoever!  Also, if you focus on reasonable portions now, it will make the transition to your 2 week Atkins so much easier.  You can do this!  Keep turning to the forum for support...we are here for you! 

This time is for YOU!  Focus, love, pamper, and encourage yourself...you are worth it! 

I went through this too. I wanted to have one last chance at many of the things I had actually given up because of my diabetes!. I had to have things like ice cream floats and ridiculous sweet things that now I don't even care so much for anymore. Surgery kinda makes it impossible to overeat without discomfort or even pain. And slowly I have lost a taste for the sugary stuff that I always wanted before. Dieting before surgery was hard but I just took it one day at a time and paced myself throughout the day by having smaller portions more often. Drinking lots of water before helped alot as well. Its good to be well hydrated when you go in to have your surgery because its hard to drink enough for a few days after. I found that thinking about any food restrictions for a long period of time was difficult but I knew I could do anything for one day so I took everything one day at a time. I hope this helps.

I was over 400 when I had my first visit too.  My surgeon scared me to death with talk about possible complications if I didn't lose some weight before the surgery.  He said it was more likely that he'd have to do an open procedure if I didn't lose some weight.  He said my liver was probably very enlarged and I probably had scerosis of the liver because of my weight.  He said if I didn't get some weight off and shrink that liver it would make it very difficult to do the procedure.  He might accidently nick another organ while he's doing the surgery.  Plus, he said I would be much more likely to have side effects and complications after surgery, like blood clots, if I didn't get some of the weight off before surgery.  I know the surgeons are supposed to be very honest about complications, but I took it all very seriously and lost 48 lbs before my surgery.  I did have a last hoorah before I went on the liquid pre-op diet though.  It was Thanksgiving!