Have people started telling you that you don't need to lose any more...?

Hi, Well it has started--at the pool ,at home , at church---everywhere I go --people have started to say things like -"You look so good the way you are! "or "You don't want to lose any more do you?" or "You are getting So skinny--you aren't going to lose more --are you?" "You face is getting So thin!" That is the same stuff that use to get me to the point where I would slack up--and start eating --Just a little bit more , and just a little of the wrong things ( like sweets and Ice cream). I believed the Hype! and I would not continue to keep the promises that I had made to myself --you know the promise never to gain the weight back again. Well, I am on gaurd now! I am sticking to the goal set by the orthopedic surgeon ( I have severe osteoporosis --and I am tired of bones fracturing from the weight they were required to carry). I didn't go through five and a half hour of surgery to fail now. I intend to continue to see my therapist --to exercise and to eat right ( I am lucky enough not to have any complications --so I am able to eat just about anything--but that also means that I have to be super careful not to fall into the trap of re-gaining weight) I am getting a little tired of the comments though --and for some reason --most of the comments are coming from my overweight acquaintances. I know that I shouldn't feel this way --but it seems like I can detect a tiny bit of jealousy and a touch of sabotage! I just want to do what I know I need to do--stick with my new lifestyle--I have failed in the past ,and I really want to keep this weight off--and lose some more too. I don't like to argue with people(Who, by the way give me their unsolicited opinions) --I simply want to be healthy and happy--heck that's why I did this! I realize have a face that gets thin--so what-- there is always collegen and botox--and If it looks too thin, at least I will be physically healthy. I notice that even some of my closest friends have begun to make little comments--sometimes I wonder why women feel threatened by each other--and why we are so competitive with each other. I try to encourage my friends to be healthy and to look and feel good about themselves. I have two friends who have gone through the surgery--one had RNY and the other the Lapband--One is doing so well --but the other is cheating terribly( I still try to encourage her to go back to basics --to attend her support groups and to see a therapist--but she has to do those things herself). I hate seeing her fail--but I can't make her do the right thing. I just don't understand why some women --really get jealous and want to encourage failure in others. It is a sad comment on the human race that we don't try to build each other up, instead of tearing each other down. Oh well! At least this time I am aware and I have these boards , my support group and my psychologist to go to for assistance in keeping myself on the straight and narrow--this is the hardest thing that I have ever done--but I truly believe that it is worth it Be Blessed everyone--and keep encouraging each other, Marian S.C. 242.4/163/goal125-130??

Hi Marian, Last week at church someone said to "not lose much more." When I told them I have between 55 and 94 pounds to lose, they looked shocked. I've always carried my weight well, so I don't look like I need to lose that much. But it's the truth. I now weigh 210 and should weigh between 116 and 155(that's my healthy BMI range) Your attitude is great! Keep doing what's best for YOU. I was told I may lose a few friends but gain others after this surgery. I'd say that was pretty accurate. Kristine

Thanks Kristine, I know what you mean about being able to carry a lot of weight--I weigh 163--but people don't realize that I weigh that much --I still have a bit of a way to go to get to the lower end of a normal BMI (which is where my orthopedic surgeon wants me) I need to carry as little weight as possible because I have a small bone structure and the bones are tissue paper thin--I am tired of fractures that are caused by being overweight. I am trying hard not to allow people to influence me--I have to do this to be healthy! Thanks for the encouragement Be Blessed, Marian S.C. 242.4/163/goal125-130???

Hi Marian, I am with you and totally support your down to earth attitude. I agree that it is a sad state of affairs that people (especially women....I expect so much more from women!) try to sabbotage each other's progress, weather it's with weight loss, or career, or relationships...This surgery is an extremely personal decision...and what makes it so personal is that each personl and noone else, knows what's good for oneself and what isn't. This surgery is DEFINITELY not for everyone. Nobody really knows what's going to be right for anyone else, and that extends to individual size. Some people are voluptuous and healthy. Some people are skinny and unhealty. You have a serious condition (I refer to the osteoporosis) that requires that you try and stay as light as you feel comfortable with. Nobody else can make that decision but you and your doc. I guess the thing to do with unwelcome (even if they might be well intentioned) comments is thank them for their concern, and reassure them that you are working closely with your doctor on determing just the right weight for you. Leave it at that. Change the subject. Talk about the war in Iraq! That'll get some opinions flyin'! Stay with your instinct. I think your dead on. xoxox Amy

Hi Amy, Thanks for the support--and , yes, I do tell people that I have to do what my doctor wants and that he would prefer that I lose as much as possible so that my weak bones can carry the weight without fractures occurring. That is the true answer and the only answer I give them--I just sometimes wonder if all of them have totally good intentions or if there is just a tiny bit of jealousy. I feel some resentment--but I try my best to take all comments in good spirits and I try to believe that they mean well. I don't want my spirit to become contaminated or small--so I try to think the best of all people. Be Blessed, MarianS.C.

Marian: Jamie wildly raising hand (and can say from the support group I run this is a COMMON reaction to wlsers! by others in their lives!) Oh yeah people started telling me when I was still OBESE! For me I lost 45# preop, then 55# in next 2 mo or so, so I had lost 100# by 2 mo postop... you are so wise to see that this truly is everyone elses issue and you do not have to make it yours! I saved this short article about diet saboteurs: Is someone in your life-your spouse, your mother, or a friend-secretly sabotaging your efforts to lose weight and get fit? There are many reasons it happens, from fearing you'll change if your appearance changes, to wanting to avoid facing their own weight issues, to feelings of jealousy. If you learn to recognize it when it's happening, you'll be much less likely to derail from your goal. When a coworker who knows you're dieting brings in home-baked cookies, politely (but firmly) say no. When your spouse tries to talk you out of exercising and going to get a burger and fries instead, offer to spend time with him or her after your workout-doing something besides eating. When someone makes a derogatory remark about how, "You're getting a big head now that you've lost weight," chalk it up to envy rather than letting such negative comments get you down. Bottom line-even if the changes you're making don't make everyone happy, give yourself permission to make them anyway! You're worth it! ____________________________ I think this quote sums it all up! "Only after we can learn to forgive ourselves can we accept others as they are because we don't feel threatened by anything about them which is better than us." ____________________________ Here is a good article on Sabotage: How to Handle Sabotage http://www.calorieking.com/library/article.php?path=13%2C66&art_id=642&printable=yes&novie ws=yes Take Care, Jamie Ellis RN MS NPP Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh 320/163 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery) Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=c1132518510 "Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"

Marian, I have heard it from my Mom mostly... She says you really look good and you do not need to lose more, well she loved me when I was REALLY heavy so of course she will be ok with my weight now. I told her I am still OBESE and not even in the OVERWEIGHT section yet. When I am there I will rethink my goals. I think people are so used to seeing us a certain way and it is a big change for everyone around us the adjust to the "new" us... As well as it being a big change for all of us WLS'ers..... Take care Debra P

Thanks everyone--I needed the confirmation that I am not the only one that this is happenning to--also I printed the articles that Jamie sent--I need all the reinforcements yhat I can get--I still have 34 pound to go to get where the doctor wants me to be--and the process is slow and difficult--I don't want to lose focus. Thanks again for your help and love, Marian S.C.

Hi Marian Does it ever end? WEight up weigh down everyone has an opinion about how much you should weigh. and they dont mind telling you(wether or not you ask )Look you know whats best for you .You seem to be really smart and sensitive to your own needs .You really did not need that,I also think people are thretend because it makes them look at themselfs. maybe they dont like what they see so its easer to say negitive things to you! you just keep doing what you know is wright for you! lots of luck to ya!!!!nancy d

Hi Marion Yes, both women and men have told me that I'm wasting away to nothing.....little do they know that I want to lose about 20-40 more pounds. That will put me in the healthy BMI and weight range. I guess that they see me at 1/2 the size that I was and am now smaller than most of the women at work so some are probably jealous. Others are scared I think because we lost 3 women in the past 10 years to cancer and wasting away was one of the "signs." I've had several people ask me if I was sick or if I had cancer. I just smiled and reassured them that I am working very hard with my doctor to reduce the weight to a healthy size to reduce the cholesterol, alleviate the knee and hip pain (pre osteoporosis in knees), and reduce the need for blood pressure medication (which my dr. said I was definitely a candidate for in the verynear future.) To shut them up even more, I advise them that even though I've lost a lot of weight so far, the doctor wants a bit more. I thank them for their concern but tell them not to worry. I think that if they suspect a potential heath problem they understand the weight loss more. Anyway, I'm still losing and will lose until I get to where I want to be. Take care, Linda M 230/148/2/115 (my personal goal)