Sometimes I am afraid...

Hi again, I just want to say that as I get farther out-- I am becoming frighten to death of regaining the weight--I have actually wished for a complication--not that I really want one --but I would rather have a complication than get fat again. I don't want to be like Carnie Wilson or Al Roker --regaining weight--If I do --then why did I go through the surgery in the first place. It does scare me--sometimes ,I wish there was a board for "oldtimers" --post-op patients who still have food issues and who want to be honest enough to admit that 1. they are still feeling hungry. 2. they are fearful of reversing their surgery (by stretching their pouches--or grazing to the point of regaining). 3. they eat much more than most of the other people that post on line. 4. they are feeling panic. Oh so many issues that don't seem to be addressed.I see a psychologist twice a week and yes--we do address lots of issues--but I still haven't faced the fact that --although I am still losing SLOWLY--I am eating the things that I use to eat--true --only in comparatively small amounts--but I wish that I was like so many others on these boards--those who have excellent self control. Those who seem not to be hungry. Those who only want to eat the "right" foods. I can eat a,lmost anything--I may get a little diarrhea--but I do not ever feel like I have to barf! I never feel sick or ill--I know that's a good thing--but I also feel less and less in control. Every day --I have to go back to square one--I start out the day so well--and by the end of the day--I am grazing --or eating the wrong foods --or eating too much ! I am not gaining--YET--but I need to find a way to keep on the straight and narrow--and That is why I wish there was a board for people who still have food issues . Oh well --at least I can vent a little here and sometimes I get to feel that I'm not alone Be Blessed , Marian S.C. 242.4/159.2/goal 125-130??? Be blessed, Marian S.C. 242.4/159.2/goal 125-130??

Marian, Ok first off take a deep breath! ~hugs~ I know exactly what you are saying hun, TRUST ME...I found this saying and it is so true: "Remember....you're only in remission....there really is no recovery...." WOW that is so true and now i have it posted in my profile so i remember that every day! This will be something we have to worry about every day for the rest of our lives but that is OK, we chose to have this surgery now we have to take care of our minds as well. I am also seeing a phyc once a week and we are working on these eating issues but it take time and SOOOO much work..WOW! All we can do hun is just take a day at a time! I see my patterns are the same as yours, my day can start good but by the end of the day it is off again. Most of mine is emotional eating and trying to find out the "why" and "when" is very hard! We can only do our best hun... Hun and remember you are NOT alone in this! There are times when it takes control of my thinking and nothing else matters. then other times i have total control over "it", as long as we are aware and care about this then we are ok! It is not like before where we over looked these feelings, right? So that is a big step forward for us! We will get there hun and please keep posting these feelings, they help all of us! Take care Debra P

Dear Marian, It's funny that you posted this today. I am scheduled to have WLS on 7/31 (that is if I ever get the approval!) and when I tell people of my intentions they are quick to advise me about Carnie Wilson and Al Roker and how they are regaining, telling me it is a waste of time etc. My head is telling me that they are just jealous! But then again, I had heard how Carnie had a baby and although Al was regaining that he is now back on track and losing. Hey, they are human too, aren't they? Then again, the thought of regaining to me totally KILLS ME, and I haven't even had the surgery yet! LOL I too have wondered why most people who participate on these posts are either within the one year mark or shortly after. Very rarely do people who are several years out post their comments and conerns. I wish they did, or someone can tell me how to find them! When I had my psych evaluation, I told her how I was back in school p/t and pursuing a degree. When she asked me where I would go with it I said, I'm not sure but I feel that I may need it to pursue my future. I was thinking of how I've been soooooo unsuccessful with WEigh****chers, etc. I'm convinced that's because I usually sat in a room with people who had to lose 10, 25, 30 lbs. Lecturers have said, whether its 10 or 100 lbs its the same, this I TOTALLY DISAGREE WITH. So, I've been thinking, hey, maybe after WLS and I get my Business Degrees, I should start a Weight Loss Company solely for Bariatric patients. I think it should include psychologists as well as nutritionishts and weekly group meetings. And hopefully insurance companies will approve it. I love hearing from so many people about their ups and downs with whom I can totally relate. As we all know, WLS is not the answer, it is just a HUGE tool, it is up to us to maintain or goal. I think we need a service geared towards WLS patients to assist us more than these message boards, however, I truly enjoy reading them daily. Everyday, like right now, on my lunch break, I go online and read the new postings. I've spent numberous hours on viewing the before and after pictures and dreaming of my picture being up there as well. Signed, THE Future CEO of WLS Patients Diet Center LOL Maryellen

Dear Maryellen, Please follow through--we need you to come up with a post -op patient support group. Make it a group that has meetings several times a week--make it a group with consultations with psychologists --weight loss specialists , exercise specialists , nutritionists and old timers who have lost one hundred pounds or more and kept it off for three or more years. Please have a specialist for people who have had relaspes too. The pouch and the lapband are good tools--but they are just tools--most of our problems are in our heads. I' ll invest in shares--and I'll be a member--It has to be a success--especially now, that so many peolpe want to live longer and so many want to be healthy We need you--so keep the dream in your heart. Be Blessed, Marian S.C. 242.4/159.2/goal 125--130??

Hi Marian, You know I cant relate 100% to your situation but I do wish you nothing but the best. Everyone journey is different. You have been doing so good with the weight loss but I can understand the fear of the regaining. I am sure that is pretty normal. Look at you at 159 pounds!! Little ms thang!! If there is anything I can do to help please let me know, ok? You are doing great though!! Feel good!! xoxo Tavia

Hi Tavia, And yes, I really am blessed to be so very healthy! I am TOTALLY aware that I really do not want any complications--but I wish that I could have some kind of a block to overeating. This has got to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I am genuinely afraid of failing--I have lost weight before--I have always regained the weight. So this fear is very real to me! I don't think that there is anything that anyone can doto help --except listen and give encouragement --and maybe a prayer or two wouldn't hurt (in fact --it would be appreciated). So --I'll pray for you guys --if you'll send your positive vibes to me! Be Blessed, MarianS.C. 242.4/159.2/goal 125-130??

Marian: Hello from a fellow 'old timer' although I am a newbie at 3.5 yrs out TRULY! Knowledge is power so I lurk and learn everwhere! I feel it is important to give back as so many postops fall off the face of WLS earth SADLY after 3, 6 or 2 months! When the honeymoon is over they are gone, MANY in hiding w regain feeling like failures! They also stop coming to in person support groups, where they can truly help themselves and others! I want to be where I am at wt/health wise at 5 yrs then and only then can I say I am a success! You are doing all you can, life is not easy, but it is a journey! Perspective it is in the perspective of life and the challenges we have! YOU CAN SUCCEED! Vent anytine it is real and others need to know reality!!! There is a place for us, join: (*Yahoo groups) http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/OSSG_Off_track/ Do not let name fool you even if not offtrack learn how to stay on track! or: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG/ I searched and OH has a WLS for grads, I havent been on it but maybe u can try and let us kow? http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/wls_grads/ M: Your not alone, use the fear to motivate you! Remember WLS is a tool and changing our brain is what helps us maintain! I just got 3 great books recommended to me: on www.Amazon.com "It's Not about Food: Change Your Mind; Change Your Life; End Your Obsession with Food and Weight" Carol Emery Normandi; Paperback; $9.72 "Life Is Hard, Food Is Easy : The 5-Step Plan to Overcome Emotional Eating and Lose Weight on Any Diet" Linda Spangle; Paperback; $9.72 "100 Days of Weight Loss: The Secret to Being Successful on ANY Diet Plan" Linda Spangle; Paperback; $9.72 FREE S&H also!!! Take Care, Jamie Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh 320/163 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery) Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=c1132518510 "Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I just got an awesome e-newsletter from Kaye http://www.livingafterwls.com/Newsletters.html this is link to subscribe! Here it is! Hello WLS Friends! Thoughts from Kaye Tuesday, June 20, 2006 11:11 PM [email protected] This issue of You Have Arrived is about taking personal responsibility for our WLS success. Some people may not want to read this because it is easier to blame setbacks on our surgeon, our lack of support, the fast food companies or even simply say the surgery just didn't work for me. But this newsletter isn't about blame. It's about empowerment - giving you the belief, courage and tools to make WLS work for you. As stated in the LivingAfterWLS Empowerment Philosophy, "When individuals take responsibility they feel liberated and motivated to invest personal equity in their success." Today I hope you feel liberated and empowered to be true to yourself and your WLS. Fondly, Kaye Who is going to stop me? The LAWLS Empowerment Philosophy It happens occasionally that I open an email to read these words, "I guess I am just one of those people who the surgery is not going to help." These defeated hopeless words break my heart. Nobody should feel that dispirited after taking the extreme measure of weight loss surgery to fight their life threatening morbid obesity. Sometimes people are defeated by physical problems or complications after surgery. Sometimes they do not receive adequate care and instruction from the surgeon who performed the surgery. And sometimes they simply don't take responsibility for making the surgery work, they just hope for the best and expect the surgery to do all the work. We cannot always control the first two defeats. We can always control the last defeat by taking full responsibility for making the surgery work. Ayn Rand, the noted 20th century philosopher wrote, "The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." It is with this kind of hell-bent determination many WLS pre-ops fight their insurance providers to have the surgery. The same grit determination must be employed after surgery. If we are to achieve a healthy life we absolutely must fight like a mad dog against everything that made us obese in the first place. We must take control and own responsibility for our success. Recently at LivingAfterWLS we framed our "Empowerment Philosophy", the creed of ethics to which we subscribe. In part it reads, "LivingAfterWLS believes that success with weight loss surgery, and in life, can be found when we focus on inner strength rather than inner weakness. As recovering morbidly obese people we have often been made to feel weak for our illness. We are not weak. We have inner resources that make us beautiful unique beings with intelligence, talent and love to share with the world. "The LivingAfterWLS philosophy empowers individuals to recognize and harness their own inner strengths. The first step to personal empowerment is personal responsibility. LivingAfterWLS holds individuals accountable for making their weight loss surgery successful. When individuals take responsibility they feel liberated and motivated to invest personal equity in their success." Think about how self-sabotage behavior causes feelings of defeat and a downward spiral of discouragement from which there seems no escape. I recognize people in this state of despair when I read email that says, "I can't stop myself from eating all the wrong things," or "The weight is coming back on" or "I never believed this would really work for me." These people are locked in a hopeless prison cell, they are not free. But think about the freedom personal responsibility brings. John Galt said, "The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours. But to win it requires total dedication and a total break with the world of your past." A total break with the world of your past. That means escaping the prison of behaviors that caused morbid obesity. Do not return there. Say goodbye and good riddance. Galt continued, "Fight for the value of your person. Fight for the virtue of your pride. . . Fight with the radiant certainty and the absolute rectitude of knowing that yours is the morality of life and yours is the battle for any achievement, any value, any grandeur, any goodness, any joy that has ever existed on this earth." Galt was not talking about weight loss surgery. He was taking about life. But for me, weight loss surgery and life are entwined. Weight loss surgery gave me life and now I own the responsibility to fight for that life using WLS as a powerful tool. By taking ownership I am empowered and freed. Today is the day. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Today is the day we must take personal responsibility and become liberated and motivated to invest personal equity in our own weight loss surgery success. How do I get empowered when I feel so hopeless? The LivingAfterWLS philosophy states, "Personal empowerment is not borne of the statement "I am empowered." It is a state of mind cultivated with education, thought and validation." Here are three keys to achieving personal empowerment. Rationality: Ayn Rand said, "To know one's own desires, their meaning and their costs requires the highest human virtue: Rationality." Loosely defined rationality is the logical pursuit of goals. So cultivate some rationality. Face the fact that morbid obesity is a disease that when treated with weight loss surgery can be controlled. But the burden of that control is not on the surgeon, the insurance company, the spouse or the child. The burden is on the patient. Accept the rationality and embrace the burden. Empower yourself to become a WLS success story. Productiveness: Engage actively in making life after surgery successful. Become an information sponge. Learn about nutrition, healthy cooking and eating and physical and mental fitness. Pursue knowledge and living with a zealous heart. Celebrate your chance to make right an unhealthy life by becoming fanatical about good living both of body and spirit. If you feel defeated then start today productively taking control of your post-WLS life. It's not too late. Pride: Pride refers to a strong sense of self-respect, a refusal to be humiliated as well as joy in accomplishments. Give yourself permission to be proud of your decision, proud of your success, proud of your soul and your appearance. This is difficult for recovering morbidly obese people because we are better skilled at humility and self-degradation. Stand tall and walk proudly. Share a smile with a stranger. Cultivate your self-confidence because you have earned the right to be proud. Are these three keys easy to accomplish? No. Can you have them overnight? No. But any day that you empower yourself in pursuit of personal ownership and success is a day far better than one of torment and self-loathing. On days of empowerment you will speak aloud, "The question is not who is going to let me fail; it is who is going to stop me from succeeding?" Empowerment Philosophy http://www.livingafterwls.com/empowerment.html LivingAfterWLS believes that success with weight loss surgery, and in life, can be found when we focus on inner strength rather than inner weakness. As recovering morbidly obese people we have often been made to feel weak for our illness. We are not weak. We have inner resources that make us beautiful unique beings with intelligence, talent and love to share with the world. The LivingAfterWLS philosophy empowers individuals to recognize and harness their own inner strengths.The first step to personal empowerment is personal responsibility. LivingAfterWLS holds individuals accountable for making their weight loss surgery successful. When individuals take responsibility they feel liberated and motivated to invest personal equity in their success.Personal empowerment is not borne of the statement "I am empowered." It is a state of mind cultivated with education, thought and validation. The LivingAfterWLS support group program and online resources are actively engaged in the pursuit of personal empowerment for all neighbors. The following core values support this philosophy: Socialization & Culture Social Equality Education & Understanding Health & Wellness Information & Communication Opportunity & Sustainability LivingAfterWLS is built on the strength of relationships LivingAfterWLS is inclusive: everyone is welcome and encouraged to participate LivingAfterWLS management is accountable to those who find safe haven here LivingAfterWLS is at all times flexible, adaptable, intelligent and creative

Hi Jamie, Thanks!--as usual--you are a wellspring of information. I appreciate your input--Be Blessed and Know that I come to these boards to try to keep myself honest--to tell the truth--and never to fool myself--I would never blame my surgeon or my surgery for my failure--that's why I try to analyze my behavior and I continue to deal with my bad habits. I realize that "oldtimers" do not post often--I feel that this is one of the shortcomings of these boards--I always appreciate reading the experiences that are posted here. Thanks for being there for us and for giving us other options. Blessed be, Marian S.C. 242.4/159.2/goal 125-130??

I asked Wendy on the main board the same question. This was her response. Post Date: 6/21/2006 10:31 am There are some that are further out that post, but not many people. Usually what happens is you lose your weight and you start going out and living life. Many people don't find the time they use to have to be around. You can check out the WLS grads board, there are some longer term post-ops there. Go until forums tab and bottom left hand box click on "wls grads".

Hi Marian, I have always wondered with RNY, do you feel physical hunger, and if not, does it stay gone? I know a few who said they do not, but yet I hear of struggling...and wonder if it is just head hunger? I had mentioned before that I said on another list that I chose the band because I'm human, and I know I would fail once the window of opportunity is over. I ticked a couple of people off, because I came across as my surgery is better than yours. It really wasn't what I was trying to say at all. But, if I was to not feel physical hunger, I dunno maybe it wouldn't have been so bad for me from that perspective. I also have iron problems which was another reason I went with the band. For me, with my band being so tight as a drum right now, I don't have too much head hunger. We went to the movies and had a tough day because my little one was throwing a tantrum, and we passed by the buffet, and being upset I said "it looked good", but there's no way I can go to a buffet again, even if I wanted to. I'm too tight! I'm becoming too analytical like the hubby but I don't want to be ignorant and make stupid comments. Kristine