Need a Boost

Hi All!  Well my surgery date is approaching but my attitude needs adjusting it seems.  I was all pumped and excited over this whole thing and how it has all really fallen into place for me.  It honestly has.  I am the most positive person I know (I think) other than several of you here  but the last couple of weeks have me doubting.  Maybe it's the feeling like 'can this really happen for me?  Am I worthy?' kind of attitude where I wonder if it really will happen.  I'm concerned over my thyroid even though it's only off a little.  It has to be fine for the surgery and it's been tricky trying to get the dose right.  That's probably why my mood is off maybe.  I was just so POSITIVE before I found that part out.  What happened?  Anyhow, the other thing I worry about is my insurance.  I don't know why.  There's probably not a reason why I should be worried about it but I am.  Did any of you go through this sabbotage thinking at any point?  Is it normal to be feeling this at this stage?   I also have my psych eval tomorrow for which I'm not worried about thankfully!  You'd think with my mood being off that I would be worried about that at least.  Weird!   You all are wonderful!  Thanks for letting me ramble here!

What you are feeling is NORMAL - this is a big decision and a BIG life change - you want it SO bad and thinking about the "pending" insurance approval is hard! All the "what ifs" start to run through your mind -- I know been there!  I thought the same thing!  Once I got that approval I felt so much better! Then my surgery had to be rescheduled because I caught a cold - again I had doubtful thoughts ... all normal!  hang in there and KNOW that it will happen!  keep us posted on that insurance approval :) What insurance do you have? ramble anytime - we are here for you!!! hugs, Britt

Britt, you have NO idea how much I needed to hear this!  I feel relieved that it's all normal because I thought I would be ALL positive right up through surgery and beyond.  I know I will get it back once the insurance is approved.....the waiting game makes you crazy ! I have a cold now so hopefully it will all be out of my system come surgery day!  That had to be very frustrating for you.  I'm happy you can relate to what I'm going through though because it helps me A LOT!   My insurance is BCBS.

Thank you again, Britt!  You're an angel! 

you are so welcome - feel better - REST up and let us know when you are APPROVED!

I know exactly how you feel. Our surgery dates are the same & I have been in a funk all day (& as you can see it's after 3am & I still can't fall asleep!!). (And there is a 24hr McD's drive-thru opened just down the road & wow, do fries w/ketchup sound good right now!!!! Thank god I am too lazy or whatever to get dressed & go there!!!  ) I am not really sure what's causing the funk but I did have a crappy day at work... I surpervise a group of about 7 people & from the time I walked in today till the time I left all I heard were complaints & not from any of them but about them (or at least 1 in particular)!! It was disheartening!! I got great news from the hematologist Monday afternoon so you would think that that info would help get past the negativity of the office but it didn't!!! Maybe today will be better!! I don't really think I am worried about the surgery per say but I do know that I am tired of running back & forth to the hospital for tests!!! The hematologist said Monday that he can't see anything that could be causing my spleen to be enlarged & actually it reduced in size by 5 centimeters just in the one week between the original ultrasound to the CT scan so that was a positive development!! He said I was pretty healthy considering my weight - I think he expected to see more on my chart than what he did!! But to be on the safe side they drew 6 or 7 vials of blood to check for everything from infections/mono to lymphoma. I have to have a chest scan to make sure those lymph nodes are ok & then 1 week before my surgery he wants me to have another ultrasound!! He is very positive that they won't find anything & is recommending to both my surgeon & pcp that we continue as planned with surgery. To him the surgery is more important than anything he may find!  I think we'll both be fine but it sure does help sometimes to ramble on, doesn't it? Thanks for letting me add on to you ramblings!!!! Just try to remember we are normal!!! Cece

Cece, ramble in my ramblings anytime you'd like .  It helps to know what we are all going through.  It's crazy...we have less than 3 weeks to go and we are like NOT OURSELVES at all, right?  I think that anything that goes a little wayward is going to set us off with our feelings about our surgery because Britt is right about us wanting it so BAD and then we lose our momentum.  We'll get it back though!  We HAVE to!   It's cool having the same surgery date with ya! Wow, you really have been through a lot of tests!!  What am I  compalaining about?? Normal, Normal, Normal! 

Hang in there.  It's your emotional connection to the food that is trying to sabbotage you.  Be Strong.  This is what you want and need.  Let your positiveness overrule it. You'll be on the loser's bench real soon.  Keep your goals in mind. Good Luck!!

Thank you so much, Jessica!  I appreciate the support.  I'm feeling a bit better today about things.  Had my psych eval and that went very well.  He actually handed me a script at the end of it to give to my doctor right away and said a report would be sent by the end of the week ok-ing everything...yay!   Thanks again!!

Like Britt said that is NORMAL to feel this way.....I know before my surgery I has all kinds of thoughts, mostly that I wanted to run and hide but knowing that it was my emotions talking. All those feelings are so normal right now, this is a big change in our lives. I also think that it is our FAT bodies trying to keep us from doing this.  It knows that we will be getting rid of most of it and it does not like it. I wish you all the best hun ~hugs~

Thank you!! I also think that it is our FAT bodies trying to keep us from doing this.  It knows that we will be getting rid of most of it and it does not like it. LOL!  Good point!

You guys are ALL amazing and so much support...love this board!