My relationship with food

The sad thing is that some days I sit there at the dinner table with my family (I don't live at my parent's house, I just go over there for dinner) and I stare at their plates and think, "Man, I wish I could eat that much mashed potatoes! Shoot, that turkey with gravy looks AMAZING! What was I thinking getting this surgery?!!?!" I realize now that I think that way because I am still a newbie. (Had surgery 2-22) And that's okay. I am dealing with my food demons, too, but, hey, I'm dealing with them. They tell me in support group that after a while you don't feel that or think that you HAVE TO eat that plate of whatever it is you used to eat the most of. I have a friend that ran from her food demons, and she's having the hardest time keeping her weight down. She will drive 3 hours to get to a restaurant just because she heard it has good wings or soup or whatever. I MUST deal with my food demons and attitudes toward my ex-friend, Food, or else I will be right back where I was before surgery. I long for the day when I can look at their plates and NOT think, "I wish I could have their portions!" And I want to be able to look them in their EYES and pay more attention to the conversation, than shoving food in my mouth! And you know what? It REALLY grosses me out to hear some of them CHEW! I mean, I am repulsed by the sound of chewing now! I'm sure I sounded like that before surgery, but sometimes I have to leave the room or do something else so I don't toss the contents of my pouchie! *deep inhale and slow exhale* Thanks for letting me vent. You guys are the best! Jen Halliday P.S. On the plus side, I went to my surgeon's office today so I could weigh myself.....I don't have a scale and I would rather just go there so I don't weigh myself all the time. I weigh 279 #, an overall loss of 53 and 42 since the day of the surgery! WOO-HOO!! That's what makes it worthwhile, eh?

Hi Jen, Boy I know what you mean. I take my kids to the church dinners Thursdays and I do not eat the food with them. I suppose I could if I wanted to, but not last night they had pasta(not band friendly and I don't want to find out if my band likes pasta or not) But I have made a decision to cut off the relationship so to speak. Food is fuel. But sure, the food still looks good-lol. Tonight I threw away a McDonald's sundae that my son wouldn't eat. I took one bite of it before I did and it was gross. LOL. But I was proud of it for throwing it away. Like your friends at support group say, you don't have to eat it. Congrats on your weight loss! Kristine

thats great jen. i am glad you are doing very well. keep up the good work. Anita

Just remember the saying: NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS BEING THIN FEELS! The more weight you loose the more you will understand that. Hang in there. Its all worth it. LisaMarie

Hi Jen, Don't feel at all like you are alone in this battle--Heck, I see a psychologist twice a week, and go to support meetings, and come to these boards everyday in order to fight for my healthy life style--I do think that you could use a little help to become more positive--so could I suggest that you get a couple of books to help you to be more pro-active? I read them, and I affirm everyday that I am getting better, healthier, thinner , and well , just becoming a wonderful person! And you should affirm those thing in you too! I read" The Power of the Sub-conscious Mind" and "The Game of Life and How to Play IT!" Both are excellent sources of positive thinking and the power to get your life under control! They couldn't hurt--and anyway --thank goodness for these boards--you get to vent. By the way--once in a while --I still wish that I could eat a large portion of french fries--but --well, thank goodnes that they would make me sick--so I don't even try! Be Blessed, Marian S.C. 242.4/169.4/goal 125-130??

Hi Jen - I totally get missing eating in volume...I was truly sad about that the first couple of months, and I even mourned it pre-surgery. For me, the volume part seems to have gone away. Now I'm looking at making the best choices each meal...and old favorites are not on the list. I've had a week where I've cruised just about every food I used to love and I decided not to have it. I'm amazed by that...what helped me out of the danger zone (it seems to have passed for now) was a gratitude list I wrote. I've lost 83 pounds since surgery, plus 11 prior, for a total of 94. One morning I was having a tough time, and decided to write the list...I fairly flew up the 3 flights of stairs to the subway and was hardly winded as I caught the incoming train; I eyeballed an open seat that I felt pretty sure I might squeeze into, and instead had room to spare; and the whole time I was dressed in smaller-sized clothing than I've ever worn in my adult life...and the self pity about not eating bags and volumes of food went away. We all have to find our own path through the food mire we used to live in, but just in case a gratitude list helps you out, I just wanted to mention it. Congrats on your loss, and I wish you all the best, Mary Mc