Update - (long)
Sirene, I'm so sorry for you pain and loss. Please try to not fret that you weren't there when she passed on. That wasn't when she needed you. She needed you earlier that day when you were helping her sit up, and comforting her - that's when she needed you and you were there. Hold that in your heart.
I do understand how you're feeling. The night my father died, I was staying with him at the hopsital. I discovered I had both sets of vehicle keys with me, so I left to take a set home to my husband in case he needed to come during the night. I was gone around a half hour. It was during that half hour that my dad passed away, and I've felt guilty for years that I wasn't there to hold his hand. But I have to comfort myself knowing that he needed me more when he was conscious and in pain, and I was there to help ease his fears and provide what little comfort I could.
I still miss my dad, and you will miss your mom, but cancer is a beast and as much as we hurt, the suffering is over and she is at peace. She deserves to be at peace. God bless you and your family. Now it's time to take care of you.
I do understand how you're feeling. The night my father died, I was staying with him at the hopsital. I discovered I had both sets of vehicle keys with me, so I left to take a set home to my husband in case he needed to come during the night. I was gone around a half hour. It was during that half hour that my dad passed away, and I've felt guilty for years that I wasn't there to hold his hand. But I have to comfort myself knowing that he needed me more when he was conscious and in pain, and I was there to help ease his fears and provide what little comfort I could.
I still miss my dad, and you will miss your mom, but cancer is a beast and as much as we hurt, the suffering is over and she is at peace. She deserves to be at peace. God bless you and your family. Now it's time to take care of you.
Had RNY surgery July 22/11, St. Joe's Hamilton, with the awesome Dr. Scott Gmora. Had abdominoplasty August 2/13, Scarborough, with equally awesome Dr. Michael Kreidstein.
Jennifer,
I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend and mother. I hope that very soon, you will release the guilt that so clearly is not necessary. Please try to see this from your Mom's point of view and change positions, would you be angry with her or think any less of her if she did exactly what you did, especially under the same cir****tances?
Big hugs and please be kinder to yourself!
I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend and mother. I hope that very soon, you will release the guilt that so clearly is not necessary. Please try to see this from your Mom's point of view and change positions, would you be angry with her or think any less of her if she did exactly what you did, especially under the same cir****tances?
Big hugs and please be kinder to yourself!
Sandy
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up"
Mark Twain 
Sirene,
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and best friend. Please do not feel guilty about not being there for her last moments. There was a reason for that happening. I believe that this is what your mother wanted. You had said the words most important to you both and she knew you needed to recover. She knew that you were taking charge of your life so that you would not suffer as she had with her cancer or all of our other co-morbidities of obesity. You were there for her when she needed you and comforted her. I believe that our departed loved ones are always with us. Your mother is still with you and is supporting all that you are doing to make your life better. The best thing that you can do for her now is to heal yourself, remember her always in love, and to succeed in becoming healthy.
I know it must have been very difficult to share your pain. What we will always remember is the deep love you felt for your mother at this very difficult time in your life.
God bless you. Stay strong.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and best friend. Please do not feel guilty about not being there for her last moments. There was a reason for that happening. I believe that this is what your mother wanted. You had said the words most important to you both and she knew you needed to recover. She knew that you were taking charge of your life so that you would not suffer as she had with her cancer or all of our other co-morbidities of obesity. You were there for her when she needed you and comforted her. I believe that our departed loved ones are always with us. Your mother is still with you and is supporting all that you are doing to make your life better. The best thing that you can do for her now is to heal yourself, remember her always in love, and to succeed in becoming healthy.
I know it must have been very difficult to share your pain. What we will always remember is the deep love you felt for your mother at this very difficult time in your life.
God bless you. Stay strong.
ROSIESMILE
on 10/31/11 4:21 am
on 10/31/11 4:21 am
Love the quote!
Why have you already decided that you will always feel guilty?
Why are you closing the door to the possibility to of eventually being at peace with the fact that you were recovering from major surgery and were resting.
What advice would she give you today, to ease your guilt?
Hugs!
Why have you already decided that you will always feel guilty?
Why are you closing the door to the possibility to of eventually being at peace with the fact that you were recovering from major surgery and were resting.
What advice would she give you today, to ease your guilt?
Hugs!
First off my deepest condolences and prayers are with you and your family..I was reading your message and tears are still streaming from my face...I know this may not help much but at least you had the opportunity to tell your mom that you loved her and knowing that you 2 were very close maybe that was closure for her and that gave her peace.Remember your mom will always be with you and she is your "angel". Take care...
Hi Jennifer,
I've been thinking about you these past few days. It's hard to know what to say except take each day at a time. You and your mother share a lifetime of memories that in time will wash away the last few days. You both will always have that. Try not to be too hard on yourself - you were there for her when she was awake and you were with her in her heart at the end.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Cherill
I've been thinking about you these past few days. It's hard to know what to say except take each day at a time. You and your mother share a lifetime of memories that in time will wash away the last few days. You both will always have that. Try not to be too hard on yourself - you were there for her when she was awake and you were with her in her heart at the end.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Cherill
HW: 260lbs Pre-Optifast: 257lbs SW: 242lbs Happy: 150lbs SG: tbd
Referral: January 2011, Orientation: July 8/11, Nut/Behav: Aug 22/11 Education Class: Nov 2/11
Surgeon Appt: Nov 1/11, Surgery: Dec 5
Referral: January 2011, Orientation: July 8/11, Nut/Behav: Aug 22/11 Education Class: Nov 2/11
Surgeon Appt: Nov 1/11, Surgery: Dec 5
Sirene: It is so beautiful that your last words to each other were "I love you". It is so wonderful that you were with her during her last conscious time. I am positive your mother does not want you to remember her with guilt. I am positive that would make her feel bad - you would not want that for her if your roles were reversed, would you.
Remember her with love, honour, and tenderness. Remember the times you shared, the laughs you had, the things you did. Rember the love.
Sorry for your loss. My mom passed away 6 years ago, and I still miss her. She was one special lady, and I will always love her.
Remember her with love, honour, and tenderness. Remember the times you shared, the laughs you had, the things you did. Rember the love.
Sorry for your loss. My mom passed away 6 years ago, and I still miss her. She was one special lady, and I will always love her.
TBIYTC-The Best Is Yet To Come Referral-Mar 2011 Surgery Feb 29th, 2012
Oh Dear,
don't blame yourself for not being there. She didn't know you weren't there, she was happy to have you help her up and down the night before . You couldn't know that she would be gone the next day. You had just come out of the hospital and had to take care of yourself. Your mother would be very proud of what you've done for yourself.
And I'm sure she's smiling down on you now, free from all the pain and worry.
You can take solace that were there for her when she wanted you.
my sincere condolences.
J
don't blame yourself for not being there. She didn't know you weren't there, she was happy to have you help her up and down the night before . You couldn't know that she would be gone the next day. You had just come out of the hospital and had to take care of yourself. Your mother would be very proud of what you've done for yourself.
And I'm sure she's smiling down on you now, free from all the pain and worry.
You can take solace that were there for her when she wanted you.
my sincere condolences.
J
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