Give me your 2 cents... brain struggle for me

As a former fatty girl, I have compassion and an "insight" into the fat girl issues.  I usually don't walk around with a t-shirt on asking you, if you knew I used to be fat...I WILL be the first to jump in and have an agruement with you if you try to insult my fellow fat girl!!!  (so, with this in mind)

I go to a group therapy with my daughter relating to acceptance.  As you know, her and I are exploring and learning how to accept her diagnosis and dealing with treatments of her tumors.


Anyway, there are several very thin women that attend.  There are very big women there.  There are several men there.  Wouldn't ya know....the thin women flock to their own as the bigger women do too....For me, I'm torn ~

I may look like a 100 lbs, but my mentality is that of a much bigger woman. 

The thin women flock around me....looking and making fun of the bigger women.  Teasing and smirking and debating among themselves on how the bigger women got to be so big.  Well, ya know I just can't keep my BIG MOUTH SHUT!! 

I tell the thin women that they are *****ES and remind them what this group is all about ~ ACCEPTANCE!!!!!!  I tell them about how I went from "fatty to thin". 

Now I'm shunned!!!  The skinny *****es won't talk to me and so I join the bigger women...they don't want me around them, because I make them feel bad about themselves.  I tell the bigger women that they are *****ES and remind them what this group is all about ~ ACCEPTANCE!!!

NOW THE CHEESE STANDS ALONE....and I'm eyeing the men's group. LOL  (I want to leave this therapy bull**** behind)

I went to the therapist of the group and explained the situation...SHE doesn't think I should leave the therapy group because I am making all these people look within themselves on top of their situation that they have brought to therapy.  My daughter & I didn't come to be used as a tool for others and to feel anxiety for what has been created within this group...(my daughter doesn't care if we go or stay)

AM I WRONG??  or THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG??  GIVE ME YOUR 2 cents.......

Deep **** ~ huh?  I just don't know what to do...
Dawn

I'm with the therapist...You hold up a mirror and show them the error of their ways...That's a good thing. Fat bashing is way more accepted than it should be in this world. Just think about the fat girls who will look at you and find their assumptions are all wrong...And the skinny girls too. They're assumptions are all wrong. They can't accept anything unless they can accept EVERYTHING...

Sort of like that book "black like me." Sadly, I never read it but you get the jist.

I guess I am looking at this in a selfish way...but it is how I feel ~

MY daughter and I, came there to work on OUR problems dealing with her diagnosis...not to deal with these other womens' issues on top of OUR issues...ya know?

Dawn

Oh I definitely see your point. It is about your issues, in your mind. And it's hard to get past that because you live that every day. All of us have our own burdens and it's hard to look at things from other points of view.

Sometimes helping others, you help yourself. That's why I'm here. I don't need to be here but I am here. Sometimes I read stuff that makes me think but most times, I find others who can benefit from what I have to say. I don't need to go to local support group meetings, although, it helps me but I find that what I say, helps other people more than what they say helps me.

Maybe you should talk to the therapist and tell them your issues with this. Maybe a smaller group is better, say just you and Brittney. You just aren't ready to help others when you're living it this close. They should be able to understand that.

Pretty deep ****!!!

I applaud you for standing up for the fellow fat girl and understand how you feel torn. If the group is really about acceptance then shame on them - both fat and skinny!!  It's always hard to stand up for the truth but from what I read in your posts, you are wired that way.  That being said, I wouldn't want you and your daughter to feel like a tool to help others but sometimes that can be a way to help yourself???  I don't think there's a right or wrong - another one of those deep gray areas.

I'm sure you'll do what's best for you and Brittany! 

Sorry I'm not much help.

Diane

What a tough call. Sorry I have no advice.

I'm sorry this happened but I'm so proud of you Dawn!

In general, women suck.

Seems like you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. But you, like I, have a big mouth (I say that with all the love and admiration in the world ) and did the right thing. Unfortunately, doing the right thing often leads to very uncomfortable situations.

While I agree with you, you and your daughter ought not to be put in the positions of lab rats, those of us who do the right thing are often ostracized and we can't unring the bell. I absolutely HATE being the one to be told to buck up and take one for the team. HATE IT!

But somehow, I always end up right back in that position again and again. I guess I'll keep doing the right thing, because it just seems foreign to do anything else.

Don't know if this helped you any, but I know the anger, frustration and pain you feel in this situation.

Mom of squid....ain't it the truth about women??  WHY are we like that ~ DAMN US!!!

You would think since we are the "smarter" gender....we wouldn't eat each other, but" it's as it's all ways been"....tear each other down and leaving the men to themselves...LOL

I'm all for using violence to solve this (like a man)  LOL  I'M JOKING!!

Dawn

This was one of my MAJOR problems when I was in the corporate world. The way I see it, in the men's circle they say, "OK, you're an asshole, but we have to work together, so let's just get this done."

Women, on the other hand are "Hi, Honey. What a great dress" while they are smack talking you behind your back and sabotaging everything you do. 

Another aspect to this (trouble I had in corporate America) was that I got along so much better with the men, and the women, both in the men's personal and work lives, were threatened. Funny thing about this is that I was the heavy (I wasn't really fat at that point. . . fat came much later) one, and they were threatened.

Women, in general, can't handle outspoken, bright, witty women. They (notice I don't lump myself in this group) are too insecure.

If it were me - i would find another group and therapist. 

I think I would not want to work with people who from the start defy the group work issue: "acceptance of all" 

You are there to get help, not to do the work of a therapist. And if she does not addresses the issue, but want you to do her work - then she is not worth much as a therapist...