My only legitimate beef with the skinny world...

I couldn't agree with you more and love your views!!!

I have a somewhat unique view on the subject as I've been on both fences...

Younger and into early adulthood I was very thin - about 110 and atheletic.  I ate very unhealthy (though not junk food) - and ate extremely small amounts to stay thin.  Constantly sick, but if you look at pictures from then, I LOOKED like the picture of perfect weight and health.  Injury, metabolic changes and lifestyle changes combined with pregnancy and stress packed on the pounds years later and I went to a high of 313...

This has been an interesting journey for me and I still have 20 lbs.  to go before reaching my goal.  What I can add to this is - I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything...  I used to think I was FAT if I gained 1 lb. and weighed every morning and night.  I was obessed with my size, what people thought and worked out obsessivly.   To say the least, I'm not that person anymore :)

There has to be a medium somewhere, but like you - I get tired of people pursecuting the heavy.   One of my beefs - airlines who charge more for people who can't fit in a seat without a seatbelt extender.  While I can understand this, my irritation is they don't charge more for a man with broad shoulders, only the woman with a big butt.    If my butt can't encroach, then someone's shoulders shouldn't be able to either!

This thread holds a special place in my heart because I have a sister-in-law who is 5'7" tall and weighs 95 pounds. Now this person can eat amounts of things I never have (and some that I have, but whatever!). She eats two grilled cheese sandwiches with an entire can of tomato soup. She eats out--not exaggerating here--pretty much every meal of the weekends and several times during the week. And yet, she is 95 pounds. Can't gain weight to save her. Couldn't gain weight during her pregnancies. Is it a coincidence that all 3 of her children have developmental delays and two have holes in their hearts? I think not. So I believe that yes, there is definitely a risk for health issues when eating poorly regardless of what shell mother nature gives you that the outside world sees. Is she healthier than I am? I don't know. Is she stronger than I am--absolutely not. She can barely life her son without carrying him like a sack of potatoes. She almost busted a gut trying to lift his carseat carrier onto a chair in a restaurant. Yet she is looked at as the "normal" one. She is the one who feels "pity" for me that I will need to adjust my eating after the surgery.

However, she and her kids are victims of genetic coding too. Her entire family is skinny and her kids are the tiniest things I have seen. Her 6-1/2 yo son is probably a good head and 1/2 shorter than my daughter who is only 11 months older, and he weighs maybe 35 pounds. Her 4 year old just broke 30 pounds. I hate it for my daughter because although she is very "normal" in size and weight, she looks like a behemoth next to those waifs. But of course, her kids are given the green light to eat whatever crap they want to pass their lips. Anything because, of course, "they need to gain weight." This includes milkshakes before meals at restaurants and snacking on garbage all day long. Let me tell you the nightmare of trying to explain to my daughter why she can't have what they are allowed to have. Last time we ate out with them I simply said to her, "In our family, you will never be allowed to have a milkshake before your meal. Period. Those kinds of things are reserved for after meals as special treat." Umm, let's just say it was pretty quiet at the table after that, but how rude is that to order that crap in front of our kids?  And what about feeding them some food that is calorie dense, but still healthy?

It is irksome, but all we can do is the best we can do.

Have a great weekend!!

Denise

. . . but how rude is that to order that crap in front of our kids? . . . 

Denise, I think you're overreacting to your situation. I don't see your sister-in-laws kids as being any different than, lets say, kids at an adjoining table.

My daughter just knows that we do a lot of things in our house that aren't done in others, whether it be family or not. I'm assuming that food isn't the only thing you "do" differently from other parents.

One of her (former) friends was allowed to wear make-up to school in 4th grade. Not in my house.

Another drinks nothing but soda, and even tried that at our house. Not in my house, you'll drink water or milk.

Yet another of her friends came right out and told me that I was being way too strict with the Squid about something, to which I responded, "Thank you for you opinion, but I don't take parenting advice from 10 yr. olds." YES! The girl was 10!!!!

I see girls the Squid's age wearing clothes that even $20 street walkers wouldn't wear. Not in my house.

Am I offended by any of this behavior? Not at all. Do I feel badly for the kids? Absolutely, but I've made it 100% clear to my daughter that we have certain criteria for how to raise her, and just because others are allowed to do ______, doesn't fly with us. Food or not. 

Squid, my dear devils advocate--if all you got out of my entire novel was that, then you missed my point entirely.

Just for the record, I don't think I'm overreacting at all, especially since I don't think I really made a big deal out of it with my comment. Yes, I think it is rude that they allow their children to eat something so coveted at a time in the meal when normal parents would not allow their children to eat it. They know it is going to cause an issue because although my daughter knows our household rules are different from others, she's smart enough to try to see if this time might be different. Does it ruin my day--not really, but it does suck to have to delve into the debate with my 7yo.  I also don't think that kids at a different table are at all similar to the people we are dining with since we really have no idea what is going on at that table or where in their meal they are. Mine was more an issue of the timing of having a shake before dinner rather than the item itself. Yes, perhaps my kids might get sight of a sundae at another table and mention wanting one for dessert, but it wouldn't even be a question of could they have it before dinner unless they saw our table guest do that. 

So don't worry about me--I'm fine. My point was that despite and her children being thin, they still eat like crap and are probably no healthier than I am. 

Denise

 OK, so I'm outed. . . I AM the devil's advocate  LOL

I knew what you were saying about the OP, I just heard a lot of frustration over how your sister-in-laws rules can make it difficult to deal with your 7 yr. old. 

Yeah, your SIL is treating her kids to eat like crap, but I'm pretty sure this isn't the only poor behavior she's teaching them, no?

Be well, dear. Your point was well made, and well taken.

I've never outed anyone before--how exciting!! 

And yes, my SIL is cultivating some other whoppers of bad behavior too, guilty as charged.

Have a good weekend!

Denise

I don't think this is necessarily true as much as I would like it to be. While there definitely is a genetic predisposition to obesity, it is also what we do with it that counts. While skinny people do overeat, by in large it's not all the time, or there is exercise to counteract what they are eating. I honestly don't buy into the notion that all people who are heavy got that way because of genetics. That has been proven scientifically to not be true except in a very rare number of cases. Obesity is a very complex disease. What I have found with most skinny people is that yes, sometimes they eat way too much, but if you were to follow them around, other times they make up for it by either not eating, being more active, or eating healthier choices most of the time. As much as I would love to think I became obese because of genetics, I honestly know better. It is true that you can be thin and still have high cholesterol, cancer, high blood pressure and heart problems, but those diseases, in that situation, are typically due more to genetics than how they are eating. There is more of a link to genetics for those conditions in someone thin than in what they eat. In a heavier person, there is the genetic component, combined with the obesity component, making it a double whammy which is why the risk of death is higher. So, definitely a genetic link, but it isn't the total cause, nor does it have to be defining. It's a predisposition rather than causative in most cases and the cycle can be broken. As much as I would love to hate skinny people and think it's not fair, I'm honest enough to understand why I became obese and I've been making bad choices for a long, long time.

I don't think all people who are heavy were predisposed, but I know my whole family is heavy and I was an active child/teenager (was my high school's first "fat cheerleader") and I still ended up perilously heavy, so I do give it some credence.

So far as skinny folk...I happen to know a LOT of them who don't exercise and eat twice what I used to eat.  And they stay stick thin.  Whole families of these folks!  Makes me so mad.

I get what you're saying though.  Environment and habits do play a large part.  So does culture which I did not mention either.  Not just ethnicity either.  Many of us were raised in a "finish your plate" culture.  I choose not to raise my children that way.  I'd sooner carry gladware around with me to scoop up leftovers than force them to finish a plate.  I do have them eat the opposite way that I do though--veggies must get eaten, everything else is optional.  Don't even ask for seconds if you didn't eat your veggies and FORGET about anything that even resembles dessert.  Hopefully I'm not being like our parents--well intentioned but ultimately screwing our kids up in the head.

Don't it just burn your bacon???  The nurse at our surgeons office, who coaches US on nutrition is as skinny as a freakin' rail...  Bone skinny...  But, my wife, being in the nursing profession has found out that this nurse is a junk food junky who eats anything and eveything she can get her skinny little mitts on.. Isn't that just the way it freakin' goes???  LOL  Yes, we too are "predisposed" I guess... But, hey, we did something about it, and we are both headed in the right direction NOW!!!!

Let me give you my experience with a naturally thin person for the last 8+ years. My husband is 150 pounds naked at 6'4". He's basically a skeleton with a itty bitty tummy (which is adorable and my favorite part of him). Anyway he's a very good eater - although he looks anorexic probably to the majority of the world. When I was 426 pounds I couldn't help but wonder if people though I ate his portion and left him without because we were SO different in the weight department. LOL.

Anyway this dude listens to his body so closely there are times I just shake my head in bewilderment. If he hasn't been active he doesn't eat - and claims he isn't hungry. WHAT? How can you not be hungry? Now - post-op I definitely experience lack of hunger more often then pre-op but for me it's like "ok it's meal time what do I eat because it's meal time?". It's never been a "meh - I think I can forgo something because I've been inactive" sort of thing like he does ****il now).

Long story short - sometimes he overindulges. If we take a trip out to a nice restaurant he usually tries to finish his food because we don't get to go out to really nice places a lot (being a stay at home with one income and all). So he forces himself past his level of fullness because it's so sporadic for him and he likes the feeling of being overly full. Normally he's a pretty average eater and enjoys simple carbs on occasion. He has never seen food and thinks he's going to fix his problems with it (where I was the complete opposite). He never thought about Doritos above the fridge or Ding Dongs in the cupboard that were there pre-op. He would have one when he wanted one. It was crazy how different we were. But I think having HIM and his insight have helped me so much in my recovery from debilitating obesity and post-op living. I have adopted a lot of his practice because I think to be normal I have to live like a naturally thin person because as much as there is genetic coding a lot of it does come down to having a very clear internal dialog. And when I have an awesome example of how to do it everyday it makes me choosing to stay on track a lot easier for me.

Jenny

P.S. And yes. Thin people can experience health concerns as well as obese and eventually you will have to pay the piper for the choices you make. I personally would rather be a healthy eating fat person then a junkie food eating thin person. Goes against the grain but I don't care. I'm pretty sure I eat healthier then some of my thinner counterparts but in my world it's about quality of life and I feel better eating the way I do.

Wow. I rambled too. Sorry. I'll shut  up now.