OT Not Doing Good
I think that funerals are for the living to help them deal with the guilt and for some to put on a show. I treated my parents right while they lived and have no regrets about any decisions I made. You have your memories of the Mom you knew. Someone once said they felt like they were visiting the shell that once held his mother. I'm sorry your losing your Mom It's a hurt I won't forget. Blessings! Debbie
not to stump your decision, but i feel as this being your mother. i think even if you think she doesnt know you, her spirit will know your presence. just my opinion... my brother was on life support . they told me he was brain dead . when i spoke to him the last time. a tear weld up in his eyes.. its a tough situation. but i feel as if you also will regret not being there by her deathbed. im so sorry you have such a horrible decision. with this surgery, you have already been through alot and im sure you dont feel like traveling. pray about it . maybe you will get an answer . again im so so sorry..
I'm so sorry about your Mom. I'd go with you to hold you hand...
What a terribly hard decision for you to make, but only you know what's best for you and as others have said, go with your gut feeling. No one can ever take your precious memories that you already have of her away and they will always be with you.
My Mama passed away a little over a year ago at the hands of her ruthless husband, who after her being in the hospital almost 8 months was just "done" with her and couldn't wait to "pull the plug" after her being in a three week induced coma due to collapsed lung and other complications. The doctors were bringing her slowly out of it and felt she had a good chance of survival had her husband not made the decision that he did to end her life. A huge part of my life literally ended the day her's did. There is not a moment that goes by that I don't think of her or miss her. Reading Lady's post had tears steaming down my eyes with memories of my own Mother and the day of her passing.
I had already scheduled a consultation with my primary physician for WLS recommendation and I was on a waiting list of two months just for that. I could not cancel that appointment. So my Mom's death basically had to wait until I could get to the hospital to be with her one last time. As I drove mindlessly to my appointment every single song that played on the radio was an extremely meaningful song between my Mother and I. And literally as my tire**** the entryway to the physician's office my Mother's special song came on at that very moment. It was "Sweet Home Alabama". I knew my Mother's spirit was with me. I feel it was her way of telling me she was proud of me and my decision to have the surgery. Too coincidental any other way.
After the appointment, I rushed to her bedside. As all the plugs and monitors were turned off, her asshole husband with his own two other family members sat there and cracked jokes talking to the nurse checking her IV and he said, "MMMM what's that, her "Last Supper"? Hope it's Steak and Lobster Maybe a little champagne...." What a DICK! They just talked loud and laughed at each other's jokes as I crawled into bed with my Mama and held her and sang to her and just cried.... (she did not die right away as the doctors anticipated her to do but instead she held out for 8 hours struggling for breath with no respirator or anything until she finally took her last breath. It was so painful to watch this. But for me, I had to. They wouldn't even give me privacy alone with her. But I'll glad nonetheless I was able to spend that last time with her. I have a photo I took of holding her pinkie (that was our special "handshake to say "I love you" was with our pinkies....) she had the little glowing red lighted thing clipped on it and even in her "incoherence" when I grabbed her pinkie she grabbed back. I snapped that picture on my cellphone as it was the last I would have of her.... Later I framed it and it's my most cherished possession. (Her husband ran off with all her money and possessions. Didn't give us anything. My mother had a LOT of stuff. Now, all gone. My sister and I got nothing. We just wished we could maybe have had a sweater or something of hers so we could "smell" her.... Nothing. It's been incredibly hard to accept all the things her husband did And he pretended to dote on her so much that he had everyone fooled. (except my sister and I but there is nothing we can do about it) The dude re-married less than a year after her death. What a guy. I hope he ******g chokes on all her money. In fact, her money I could give a rat's ass about. I just would have likes to have all the family photos, her books, her music, her knick-knacks... Anything. Now - it's all gone. He threw almost everything away and sold the rest. May he rot in hell.
Oh good God - Sorry to ramble about my own stuff. Was quite cathartic at least.
I will keep you in my thoughts and am sending you loving healing Reiki energy.
Take Care Sweetie-
Holly Jean
P.S. I mean that too about I'd go with you if you needed some one to be with you.... I'm sure you have family and stuff and I don't even know where in Southern Calif she even is, but it's not that big of a place retrospectively speaking, and if you need a WLS friend from this area for support, please contact me personally. Even if I can't be there personally, --if you need someone to talk to...... I'm here.
What a terribly hard decision for you to make, but only you know what's best for you and as others have said, go with your gut feeling. No one can ever take your precious memories that you already have of her away and they will always be with you.
My Mama passed away a little over a year ago at the hands of her ruthless husband, who after her being in the hospital almost 8 months was just "done" with her and couldn't wait to "pull the plug" after her being in a three week induced coma due to collapsed lung and other complications. The doctors were bringing her slowly out of it and felt she had a good chance of survival had her husband not made the decision that he did to end her life. A huge part of my life literally ended the day her's did. There is not a moment that goes by that I don't think of her or miss her. Reading Lady's post had tears steaming down my eyes with memories of my own Mother and the day of her passing.
I had already scheduled a consultation with my primary physician for WLS recommendation and I was on a waiting list of two months just for that. I could not cancel that appointment. So my Mom's death basically had to wait until I could get to the hospital to be with her one last time. As I drove mindlessly to my appointment every single song that played on the radio was an extremely meaningful song between my Mother and I. And literally as my tire**** the entryway to the physician's office my Mother's special song came on at that very moment. It was "Sweet Home Alabama". I knew my Mother's spirit was with me. I feel it was her way of telling me she was proud of me and my decision to have the surgery. Too coincidental any other way.
After the appointment, I rushed to her bedside. As all the plugs and monitors were turned off, her asshole husband with his own two other family members sat there and cracked jokes talking to the nurse checking her IV and he said, "MMMM what's that, her "Last Supper"? Hope it's Steak and Lobster Maybe a little champagne...." What a DICK! They just talked loud and laughed at each other's jokes as I crawled into bed with my Mama and held her and sang to her and just cried.... (she did not die right away as the doctors anticipated her to do but instead she held out for 8 hours struggling for breath with no respirator or anything until she finally took her last breath. It was so painful to watch this. But for me, I had to. They wouldn't even give me privacy alone with her. But I'll glad nonetheless I was able to spend that last time with her. I have a photo I took of holding her pinkie (that was our special "handshake to say "I love you" was with our pinkies....) she had the little glowing red lighted thing clipped on it and even in her "incoherence" when I grabbed her pinkie she grabbed back. I snapped that picture on my cellphone as it was the last I would have of her.... Later I framed it and it's my most cherished possession. (Her husband ran off with all her money and possessions. Didn't give us anything. My mother had a LOT of stuff. Now, all gone. My sister and I got nothing. We just wished we could maybe have had a sweater or something of hers so we could "smell" her.... Nothing. It's been incredibly hard to accept all the things her husband did And he pretended to dote on her so much that he had everyone fooled. (except my sister and I but there is nothing we can do about it) The dude re-married less than a year after her death. What a guy. I hope he ******g chokes on all her money. In fact, her money I could give a rat's ass about. I just would have likes to have all the family photos, her books, her music, her knick-knacks... Anything. Now - it's all gone. He threw almost everything away and sold the rest. May he rot in hell.
Oh good God - Sorry to ramble about my own stuff. Was quite cathartic at least.
I will keep you in my thoughts and am sending you loving healing Reiki energy.
Take Care Sweetie-
Holly Jean
P.S. I mean that too about I'd go with you if you needed some one to be with you.... I'm sure you have family and stuff and I don't even know where in Southern Calif she even is, but it's not that big of a place retrospectively speaking, and if you need a WLS friend from this area for support, please contact me personally. Even if I can't be there personally, --if you need someone to talk to...... I'm here.
Thank you so much for your kind offer. She is in Sun City. I have no idea where that is to tell you the truth.
I am so sorry you went through what you did. It sounds terrible.
I was thinking that I should go so I could help my sister with my mothers things. There are pictures and things we could go through. The only thing I really care about getting is a ring my mother promised my daughter. I doubt it is worth anything but she wore it all the time. It was the initial S and my daughter is the only grandchild whose name starts with S.
I still don't know what I am going to do. I am scheduled to have surgery this Friday and I don't think I should put it off since I have a hernia and the doctor said because the hole that the intestines are poking out of is small it could become stranulated.
I am so sorry you went through what you did. It sounds terrible.
I was thinking that I should go so I could help my sister with my mothers things. There are pictures and things we could go through. The only thing I really care about getting is a ring my mother promised my daughter. I doubt it is worth anything but she wore it all the time. It was the initial S and my daughter is the only grandchild whose name starts with S.
I still don't know what I am going to do. I am scheduled to have surgery this Friday and I don't think I should put it off since I have a hernia and the doctor said because the hole that the intestines are poking out of is small it could become stranulated.
WLS 10/28/2002 Revision 7/23/2010
High Weight (2002) 240 Revision Weight (2010) 220 Current Weight 115.
I believe Sun City is is Riverside County and is about an hour and a half away from me. Actually I used to live in Murrieta which is almost the next town over and I still visit friends there often. If you do decide to come down, and again, if you are in need of an OH friend, or want to meet for coffee somewhere just to get away for a little or you need someone to chat with on the phone, please do not hesitate to contact me. I know what you're going thru is tough and I'd love to re-share the same love that other people bestowed on me.
My Sister and I had a special Mother's ring made for her with all our birthstones and she really cherished that ring. We would have like to have had that as a special keepsake. Have no idea where that went. My Mother had a beautiful three strand fully beaded Swarvarsky crystal necklace that my grandfather bought while he was in Germany in WW2 for her as a little girl. It was spectacular and a real heirloom. It was always intended for my younger Sister if my Mom were to pass. (I'm not a big jewelry wearer like my Sister is.) When I asked her husband about it shortly after she died he literally let out a loud chuckle and said, "Oh I don't THINK so! Everything belongs to me now and you will get what I give you and nothing more, is that understood? You are never welcome to come to MY house, Is THAT understood, also?" That was her beloved husband of 17 years.... Pretty devastating, that's for sure.
Your own health as you know is of the utmost of importance for you right now, so whatever you decide to do, be gentle on yourself as best as you can.
My thoughts and prayers are with you , Hon.
Holly Jean
My Sister and I had a special Mother's ring made for her with all our birthstones and she really cherished that ring. We would have like to have had that as a special keepsake. Have no idea where that went. My Mother had a beautiful three strand fully beaded Swarvarsky crystal necklace that my grandfather bought while he was in Germany in WW2 for her as a little girl. It was spectacular and a real heirloom. It was always intended for my younger Sister if my Mom were to pass. (I'm not a big jewelry wearer like my Sister is.) When I asked her husband about it shortly after she died he literally let out a loud chuckle and said, "Oh I don't THINK so! Everything belongs to me now and you will get what I give you and nothing more, is that understood? You are never welcome to come to MY house, Is THAT understood, also?" That was her beloved husband of 17 years.... Pretty devastating, that's for sure.
Your own health as you know is of the utmost of importance for you right now, so whatever you decide to do, be gentle on yourself as best as you can.
My thoughts and prayers are with you , Hon.
Holly Jean
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