Frustrated, regretful,fearful, feeling early failure...
You've gotten so much good advice I am really just throwing in my support and hug for what it is worth. I too went through a phase like this. And it's just a phase. Your body is working hard to heal itself and it's tired. You've got the estrogen rolling. It's hard.
I was supposed to stop the protein shakes at 7 weeks out. Honestly, I think I made it to around week 4. But I was able to eat yogurt, cottage cheese, thin soups, eggs, peanut butter (watch that, though fat & calories). I couldn't make 80 grams every day but I did it the majority of days. I didn't think I had any problems with water until recently and I realized I get a bit queasy with ice water sometimes and then I will feel...all washed out on the inside. Sounds bizarre, I know. Feels bizarre. But I don't experience it drinking the iced tea I brew at home. Odd.
So thrilled to see you are talking to your therapist. I had to mourn food. And I got pissed watching other people eat whatever the hell they wanted.
Realized how much everyone eats and how food oriented a culture we are. And all that extra time. What to do? Girl, whatever the hell you want to do. Because in a few weeks you are going to start realizing things are improving one day at a time. Suddenly I was able to take a regular drink of something not just a sip. The next day I realized my vitamins went down pretty easy. A week later I was tossing down a few of my pills at a time with just small swallow of water.
Today...well today I was stressing at work. Can't eat the frustration anymore. And I don't want to. I want to stand strong against it. But what to do? And I suddenly realized....I can walk now. For blocks. And not worry my heart was going to give out, one of my feet might break again or that I would be sweating like a fountain by the time I got back. So I did it! I walked! Quite a little stroll actually. Soaked up some sunshine and rejoiced with every step.
So? What have you wanted to do? Doesn't have to be something you weren't able to do before, maybe something you just didn't want to face a class to learn or were just to preoccupied with food to do it. I started taking pics outside when I walk. Sure I stop and start and don't get the cardio in I should sometimes. Who cares? I'm getting some great squirrel pics...lol. And I've picked up some of my crafts I had let go because I was too depressed to do them anymore.
The other day...seriously thought about taking a knitting class.
But I am really thinking drawing is what I am going to try. 100lbs ago I was too ashamed of myself to go to a class and too scared to expose myself to someone judging my attempts at art. Then I said to myself the same thing I would have told a friend...who cares if you are any good? Is that a law? "No one shall draw unless they are highly skilled." Don't think so. Go, have fun. And so I am.
Sorry for the ramble. Big hug. You'll make it.
I was supposed to stop the protein shakes at 7 weeks out. Honestly, I think I made it to around week 4. But I was able to eat yogurt, cottage cheese, thin soups, eggs, peanut butter (watch that, though fat & calories). I couldn't make 80 grams every day but I did it the majority of days. I didn't think I had any problems with water until recently and I realized I get a bit queasy with ice water sometimes and then I will feel...all washed out on the inside. Sounds bizarre, I know. Feels bizarre. But I don't experience it drinking the iced tea I brew at home. Odd.
So thrilled to see you are talking to your therapist. I had to mourn food. And I got pissed watching other people eat whatever the hell they wanted.
Realized how much everyone eats and how food oriented a culture we are. And all that extra time. What to do? Girl, whatever the hell you want to do. Because in a few weeks you are going to start realizing things are improving one day at a time. Suddenly I was able to take a regular drink of something not just a sip. The next day I realized my vitamins went down pretty easy. A week later I was tossing down a few of my pills at a time with just small swallow of water. Today...well today I was stressing at work. Can't eat the frustration anymore. And I don't want to. I want to stand strong against it. But what to do? And I suddenly realized....I can walk now. For blocks. And not worry my heart was going to give out, one of my feet might break again or that I would be sweating like a fountain by the time I got back. So I did it! I walked! Quite a little stroll actually. Soaked up some sunshine and rejoiced with every step.
So? What have you wanted to do? Doesn't have to be something you weren't able to do before, maybe something you just didn't want to face a class to learn or were just to preoccupied with food to do it. I started taking pics outside when I walk. Sure I stop and start and don't get the cardio in I should sometimes. Who cares? I'm getting some great squirrel pics...lol. And I've picked up some of my crafts I had let go because I was too depressed to do them anymore.
The other day...seriously thought about taking a knitting class.
But I am really thinking drawing is what I am going to try. 100lbs ago I was too ashamed of myself to go to a class and too scared to expose myself to someone judging my attempts at art. Then I said to myself the same thing I would have told a friend...who cares if you are any good? Is that a law? "No one shall draw unless they are highly skilled." Don't think so. Go, have fun. And so I am. Sorry for the ramble. Big hug. You'll make it.
Most Active
Recent Topics