Midlife crisis: Have you had one? How did you get through it?

Hey there OH family. I believe I am in the midst of what I would call a pretty wicked midlife crisis. Now some may say, "But you are only 40." Well, upon researching midlife crises, I have found they can occur anywhere from 40 to 60. It says that people who have a deceased parent tend to have a much tougher time with the midlife crisis because of their altered perception about mortality and I happen to have two deceased parents. I am feeling unlike I have ever felt at any other time of my life. I don't know if it is a function of the weight loss or "midlife crisis", I just want to know if I am going to get out of this incredibly stressful situation with my family and friends intact.

Just a little insight into how I am feeling--I keep saying I want a breather. To be free to go and do as I please every now and then. As a wife mom with two kids, that raises quite an issue. My husband and I are having some pretty serious problems and I can only imagine they are not being helped even a little bit by my wanting to cut loose a little. I've said time and again since my parents died that I don't think I have a lot of time on this planet. Guess having a dad dead at 53 can do that to a girl. So I have this urgent feeling that I need to cram all of this life that I missed while I was fat into this short time I worry that I have.

I'm wondering if any of you have had/are having a midlife crisis and how you fared. My friends are worried about me and very honestly, I'm worried about me. I'm usually the one that is the voice of reason. I research everything to death. I take care of everyone, not the other way around. The idea of jumping in my car and driving west until I see water is very out of character for me, but I've considered it a time or 20 recently.

I am on Cymbalta and have returned to counseling, but am hoping to get some insight from someone who has lived it, especially post-gastric bypass.

Thanks guys!!

Denise

Any reason why you couldn't jump in the car WITH your husband and kids and drive west until you all see water???

We have some great beaches here in Cali 

Hmmm, a car trip with a husband I'm fighting with and a 9 and 4 year old? Perhaps I could instead find a couple rusty fishhooks and rip my eyeballs out and feed them to the fish when I get there!! :)

Hoping that someday in the not-too-distant future the idea of a roadtrip with the family won't feel like self-torture! LOL!

I am handling mine by going to college full time. At 54 its actually fun.

First, you don't look nearly 54! There is hope for me yet! And school is on the agenda probably this fall when my youngest is in school full day. I've gotten a lot of really positive feedback from folks that have gone back to school later in life, so I'm actually looking forward to the prospect. Homework? Not so much! :-) I really crave the intellectual stimulation that has been very much lacking in my life since being a stay-home mom.

Thanks for sharing yet another positive story about college after 40!!

Hi Denise.  I'm 51 and I'm sure I went through mid life crisis about 10 years ago.  I was feeling the same as you are.  I wanted to spread my wings.   My husband and I were not in a good place.  We actually seperated for 6 months, it wasn't planned for 6 months, I was sure we would divorce. I was miserable the whole 6 months, I tried to do fun things, dated a little, went on some mini trips, etc. but really missed doing the little things with my husband around.  Holidays were horrible.  The kids were sad because I was so sad.  I really thought I'd be so much happier but I wasn't.  We got back together and things have been much better since.  We have our moments, but we get through them.  By the way, this all happened shortly after I lost tons of weight, I finally had some self esteem and I thought the grass must be greener on the other side, sometimes it is not.
Whatever you decide, do what you think is right for you.
Keep up with the therapy, it helps.
Good luck to you.
Judy

Thank you soooo much for your story. I keep telling my husband that if he gives me enough space, I'll more than likely see pretty quickly just what you've said--the grass isn't always greener. Funny you mention holidays because that is exactly what comes to mind when I think of being separated or divorced. Holidays have always been such an extremely happy and special time in our home and to know that would be gone and that the kids would be devastated hurts my heart. But it also hurts my heart to think of subjecting them to the ongoing struggles with my husband and the fact that I'm clearly not 100% emotionally and knowing they surely sense that as well.

You do give me hope and that is a huge gift right now considering when I step back and look at my situation, I do feel pretty hopeless. Damned if I do and damned if I don't sort of thing. So thank you again for sharing.

With much appreciation for your openness and gift of hope,

Denise

I would suggest that the fact that you recognize there is a problem, places you well on the way to getting through this unsettling TIME in your life. And your working with a counselor only strengthens my opinion. Despite your mortality concerns, time is in fact your ally, not your enemy. Time and introspection will eventually allow you to rise above the crash of the sea, rather than driving west directly into it. Good luck to you...Connie

I've always said that awareness is half the battle. Unfortunately, the other half of my battle has shown to be quite a harrowing experience and has left me with a couple dear friendships that have been irrevocably altered. I think time can be an ally, but it always feels like time is slipping through my fingers at an alarming rate, especially so during times of crisis and high stress. I'm hoping that in time I will find myself rising above the crash of the sea, as you so eloquently put it. Driving directly into it is going to wreak havoc on my insurance rates! :-)

Wishing I could have more TIME!

Denise

well, i am only 34 and surgery threw me straight into menopause. Talk about losing it! Drugs and lots of them! LOL! JK, i deal with it as I can and try to remember that this is not me, its this crazy animal inside me!!!