OT I Want a Cigarette

 I know this is about WLS but I quit smoking a few months after my surgery.  I didn't quit because I wanted to improve my health or anything.  I just couldn't afford it any more.  I can barely pay my bills and I can't justify spending money on cigarettes.
My financial situation hasn't changed but my stress level is through the roof.  My mother is in hospice and I am going to see her next week to say good bye.  I am emotional situations with all 3 of my daughters yesterday because of my state of mind.  I just feel like I am at the edge.
Ironically I don't want to eat.  Maybe because I can't physically eat as much as I would need to to numb myself, I don't know.  I just miss my cigarettes.  It doesn't help that my daughter smokes.  I don't have a lot of money but I have enough to buy a pack of cigarettes.  Of course I know that that would be stupid and that I would be right back where I was before.  I was smoking 2+ packs a day.  I can afford a pack, I cannot afford a carton or more.
I don't know why I am writting this.  I have felt this way for about a week and it's not getting any better.  I know all the good reasons I quit and I am glad I did but damn it.  I just want to smoke.

I am sorry you are going thru this. I have been smoke free for 13 days now. Grr. I will tell you that I had previously had been smoke free for 17 months and went home to take care of my dad who was in hospice also. He was a smoker and so there were like 5 packs he couldn't smoke any longer and I couldn't deal and just started smoking again. It was my coping mechanism. I still regret it to this day. The ironic part of all this....my dad died of cancer. Stay strong!!! 

 I'm still fighting it.  I don't care for the brand my daughter smokes, which is good because I am less tempted.  Unfortunately I am craving a particular brand.  I know that for me just one is all it takes for me to start up again so I will continue to fight this.

I quit smoking in Feb 1994 and every so often I still crave a cigarette, especially when under stress. I have noticed the cravings are more frequent since surgery too. It's like the only outlet you could still enjoy like before... If you had ONE cigarette, it wouldn't be the end of the world. In fact, it would taste absolutely nasty. Remember the first time you ever smoked? Yep, that's what it would taste like. You'd feel some tightness in your chest again and have nasty breath, basically you wouldn't enjoy it at all. If you then had a second one, it would be alot harder to put them back down. If you really need one, bum one from your daughter but don't buy a pack because then you would justify smoking the pack so as not to waste the money! I know it's not the same but a nice walk, run or trip to the gym would lift your spirits more than a cigarette (and not put you at risk for an ulcer). Stay strong and resist the urge!

Okay, breathe deeply and repeat after me: "Smoking a cigarette right now would be one of the stupidest, most harmful things I could ever do to myself..."

All of us who have been smokers known darn good and well that once you light that first cigarette, you're hooked again. It only takes one...

If you do this, you will be hooked and you will find a way to afford the cigarettes, at the expense of letting something else go. You know that truth...

You have taken a miraculous new journey in your life, please do not set yourself back by sliding into behavior that is only harmful to you.

Please know I am sending you thoughts of strength to surround yourself with. White knuckle this through and you will come out stronger and with much more confidence in self on the other side.

 Thanks for the good thoughts.  

Oh, I know how you feel. I quit for 8 months before my 1st surgery was supposed to happen. I started again and have been smoke free for 6 months until about a week ago. I snatched one from my friend and it was nasty. I felt so dirty afterwards. I loved the action and the ease it gave me, but I stank. My shirt, my hair, my fingers especially.

But, I am still fighting the urge to again. Thank goodness I have no money to buy any because I might. I couldn't afford it even if I tried to start again, I'd just be setting myself up for more frustration. I didn't want to be that fat girl over in the corner smoking. And now I don't want to be the thin girl that people avoid because I smoke. It really does hinder people in this society. Stay strong!!!

 Thanks for the encouragement.  I have several friends that quit because of the cost but they will bum one from a friend every now and then.  I couldn't do that.  One puff and I'm off and running.  I crave it bad enough now.  Could you imagine if I actually took a hit?

Stay strong! One is all it takes to end up at 2 packs again.

Find someplace quiet when you get stressed and close your eyes and take deep breaths. It's no cigarette, but it might help de-intensify the cravings.

You can survive the stress of losing your mother without smoking. One breath at a time.
Breathe..from your belly. Deep breath..from your belly. Breath in..stress out. slooowly. Do this everytime you want a cigarette. You are a breather. You desire health. You are a non smoker. So breatheee.
Deb T.