Have you become a divorce statistic--please share...

Me too.

We had problems before surgery. We're more roomates than husband and wife. I want more and am feeling more confident and secure with myself to start moving forward.

My friend just ended a relationship that had become more like roommates or brother and sister than romantic. It is hard to live that way if there is no hope of getting that romantic flame burning again.

Wishing you continued strength and clarity!!

Hi Denise,

I will be the first to say that I am headed in that direction.  Did we have problems before surgery?  Yes.  Is he supportive of me and this surgery? No.  I do think the surgery has stressed the situation but it's just because he is not supportive.  I desperately need that from him and I don't get it, but he has never been supportive ever, so I'm not sure why I'm shocked now.  

I'm not sure what you are going thru but if you want to talk, please feel free to PM me. 

Tonya

Thanks! It helps so much to know that there are people on here that are so open to talking with me.

It is funny how we expect different behavior in our time of need from people who have shown themselves incapable of treating us differently throughout our relationship. I guess it just our nature to be hopeful. You think this person loves me, they must want to treat me well, right? Sucks when they won't (or oftentimes can't) give us what we need.

I just continue to pray for God's will where my relationship is concerned. That and a crystal ball!!

Thanks again and good luck to you whatever direction your relationship heads.

You are correct.  Never got it so why would he offer it now.  It just makes me so mad because I know that he will tell everyone that I did it AFTER I lost weight.  He has made comments about that before.  It's like Mary said....we are like really bad roommates.  There is nothing there anymore and I want something.  I'm tired of being a single parent with 3 children and 1 adult child.  I deserve more than that and I'm finally realizing it.  Maybe I thought before I didn't deserve any better.  I know better now.

My story is opposite, but I think it applies here. In college Bill was my best friend. We did not date or even kiss. After college, we dated for a couple years. When we met, I was thin, and between then and the time we started dating, I had gained 100 pounds. I had no self-esteem and did not understand that he really did love me, so I broke up with him (how could anyone love someone as fat as me?). He ended up getting married. I lost touch with him for many years. After I lost weight, I looked for him and found him again. He had just gotten a divorce and had been looking for me, too. We've been back together now for 2 years. I have always believed he is my soul mate. Now that I love me again, things between us have been fabulous. I know we will be together for the rest of our lives.

Laura

That's a great story, Laura... I'm so happy that you both re-found each other.  Wishing you lifelong happiness, with him...


tori

Thanks, Tori!! I know I am truly blessed!! 

Laura

i believe the stress from my relationship is why i have overweight issues, high blood pressure. and im lonely . he never talks to me. if hes not at work , he is in front of the t.v . sometimes 4-5 hours straight .. he makes me feel dead inside . but yet he will roll over and expect me to turn on his light . well . i think if your not happy before surgery . looking and feeling better , may just give u the back bone u need to walk away from the dysfunctional environmen t. i would never wish divorce on anyone and i truly believe there are good men and women out there. but if i get out of this relationship. there will not be another one. i just want to be free and have pieece of mind. whn i tell mine to talk to me . he ust says i dont know how. ... guess i can spell it out for him.

WOW Marriage is hard. I am 9 years into the relationship 5 years into the marriage with my husband. I was married to my 1st husband for 13 years and we have 2 beautiful children. ages 21 and 12. My first husband and I grew up and grew apart. My current husband and I met online. we have no children together as I can not have anymore and he loves mine like his own. We have pets which we love but are sometimes just as bad as kids if not worse. My husband is already the jealous type and he was against me having the surgery. I love him with all my heart but sometimes his constant complaning and whining can get to me which would cause me to eat more. I can't do that now. I don't have food to bury my face in now when we get started so what does that leave. An argument. I do NOT want to divorce my husband but he always thinks he is right and anytime we fight he threatens to leave and go back to Oregon. At some point Im going to be confindent enugh to buy him a damn ticket. Marriage takes 2. one person can't fight for it alone. But being alone is scary. sometimes I think we stay just because we are comfortable and afraid to be alone.