REALLY!!!!

MarilynT
on 7/28/11 1:00 am

If it's really bothering you that much, you need to sit down with her and have a heart to heart. Tell her FIRST that you know that everything thing she says is coming from a place of LOVE (if indeed you do believe that); but then go on to tell her how the things she says makes you feel. Ask her nicely to PLEASE try to refrain from commenting on your diet and appearance. Ask her to put her faith in your doctors and in YOU to do the right thing for your health. Then give her a hug and say "now, let's go shopping for the push up bra you promised me!"

Try not to respond from your hurt and anger....approach her as you WISH she was approaching you, with kindness. Don't do things as revenge ("I want a push up bra, lol but Im not getting one to make her happy"). It is hard, I know....but hopefully if you approach her in this manner, and then in the future use the broken record technique ("Mom, I asked you not to comment on my diet and appearance"), she will get the hint.

Good luck. Moms are hard...but most of them are worth it!

Marilyn (now in NM)
RNY 10/2/01
262(HW)/150-155(GW)/159(CW)
(updated March 2012)

mellasmomma0709
on 7/28/11 1:07 am - IL

Thank you...you dont know my mom obvisouly....I do like the way of approach you are talking about though and I will give it a try-my mom is a very negative,suck the happpiness out of everything type of person.We have a hard time keep our relationship going.

poet_kelly
on 7/28/11 1:28 am - OH

RNY on 11/04/08

My mom used to be like that. She is not like that anymore. I'll tell you what I did. I don't know if this would change things for you but it seemed to have worked for me.

I told her straight out that I did not want her to say negative things to me. Then when I was talking to her on the phone or visiting her and she started in on me, I would say one time that I did not want her to say negative things and that if she continued I would have to hang up or leave. And when she continued, which she did a lot of times at first, I would hang up on her or I would leave.

It reminded me of how you'd stick a little kid in time out or something. But seriously, it worked. Plus I did not have to listen to all kinds of negative stuff anymore.

Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.

mellasmomma0709
on 7/28/11 2:33 am - IL

Yeah I need to stop it before she says stuff to get to me...this is a good idea.Maybe she will eventually get the hint

PTM
on 7/28/11 3:28 am

RNY on 02/07/11

It sounds to me like there might be a bit of competitiveness going on. I've gotten a few seemingly off-the-cuff comments from my sister, and I'm chalking it up to her not being the center of all the admiration. She lost 100 lbs on WW in the year before I had my surgery. Now that I'm within a few pounds of where she is now, I think it's bothering her.

If your mom is overweight, it could be that she's jealous that you look better. Or, if she's normal weight, maybe it bothers her that you're getting close to or lower than her weight.

Anyway, sorry that you're experiencing this. One would think our moms would be our biggest support, but sometimes they're our biggest critics.

Margaret HW: 342 SW: 320 CW: 228 GW: 175

Trish S.
on 7/28/11 5:26 am - Upstate , NY

RNY on 12/05/11

Don't let her get you down......You are doing great!!! Maybe she is a little sad that she doesn't look as good as you do ........Sometimes sarcasm is jealousy in disquise....... Tell her "maybe we should take separate cars next time"...... see if that shuts her up!!! LOL Keep your chin up, you are doing great!