spouse struggles

So since before I even had surgery my husband was scared I would get skinny and leave him.Now that Im less then 5 lbs from goal it has gotten bad. I have to constantly reasure him that I love him and Im not going to leave him.We have had so many heart to heart talks lately its not even funny.We went away to rekindle our love,I thought we did just that and then last night he tells me that the one night we were there he sat awake while I slept and decided in his head that the next morning he was gonna tell me that we should seperate.WTF,I was shocked.He said it wasnt me it was him and he felt like he was holding me back.He said watching me that night dance and have fun and seeing the other men interact with me he just knew I was ready to leave him and move on.He said he knew I was ready to just party and have a good time.  I sat there crying my eyes out as he said this.It blew my mind.How could he think that of me. I jsut dont know what to do anymore.I dont know how else to reasure him that I love him and that Im not going anywhere.Its exhausting really.How do I make this  better.I hate struggling all the time.We have always had the marriage everyone is jealous of,the marriage everyone wants.I dont feel like Im in that marriage anymore.

My husband has made the same comments and I am only about  4 weeks out.  I have lost about 20 + pounds.  He is very insecure at this point,  I just keep telling him that he is the only one for me.  I try to spend a lot of time with him so he relaxes.  It is a definite issues.  I am thinking about going to counseling so more advice.  Thoughts??

Send him to counseling or take him with you. It's not your issue. He's the one insecure. If an adult can't be placated with reassurances from their spouse then they have other problems. This surgery is for us to get healthy, NOT die prematurely, have a quality of life we enjoy and to
be able to have fun with family and friends without our weight being a problem for us. If our spouses, who are suppose to love us and want the best for us can't get that then they have their own things to work out. This surgery makes us selfish for a while. We're reinventing ourselves. Your husband should be happy you wanted to do this-to be healthy and live longer so you have more tiime and better time together. Take him to support group and let him see other couples that have made the transition well. If he truly loves you he will want the best for you.
Jen 9+ yrs post op rny

It sounds like he needs help and someone to talk too. I'd suggest you talkto a couples counsellor, or see if he would be open to talk to someone.

I don't think it's something you can make better.  It seems like it's much more his problem than your problem.  He needs some counseling.  Maybe some marriage counseling would help too but he  needs some individual counseling.

Obviously it's not you as you've done whatever you can to reassure him. You can beat your head against a brick wall only so long before you realize nothing you say is going to make a difference. His self esteem sounds like it's non-existant, He may have other issues that need to be addressed-his own self image, body issues, fear of abandonment or leaving issues. etc.
Get him to a therapist - take him to your support group,  let him see that people do get through weight loss surgery intact. That one person can change (and marriage and growing up is all about changing) and it doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing for the couple as a whole. He
needs help or this is going to be your life. If you truly love him encourage him to see someone to get past this. The saying I always tell new pre ops I counsel is "if the marriage is good before surgery it will be good after-maybe even stronger. If there are problems before, weight loss surgery may make it worse."  You've done all you can. You can only tell someone something
so many times. If it doesn't stick then it's not your problem. Find out the root of his insecurities, don't take it personally and find help. Maybe counseling for the two of you - but he should see a therapist for his own issues. When those are under control or he can see them for what they are your relationship should improve. Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves first and hope our loved ones will understand. If he truly loves you-unselfishly, then he wants the best for you.
If weight loss is the best for your mental, emotional and physical health then he should be supporting you 100%. Hang in there, it's a bumpy road but so worth it.
Jen 9 yrs post op

Couple counseling and he need his own counseling.
BTW: the font color you picked - is very difficult to read... blends in.

If you are so inclined, make sure that it's Christian counseling.

They seem to value the marriage as a gift from God more than secular counselors.

With no offense meant to secular counselors, they seem to value the happiness of the individual over the unity of the two joined together by God
 ( I can only assume that that was the sentiment at your wedding)

This is tough stuff, before, during, and after.
I don't pretend to have it all together. My dear wife and I have conflict about all this.

In my opinion, if it was worth saying "I do" over, then it's worth fighting over.

It is defaintly worth fighting over,Im not giving up and niether is he.I do believe if it is brought up again I am going to mention that we talk to our Pastor about it.He is a wise man and I believe he can help us.

Im going through a similar situation, but not only is my husband concerned about me leaving him, he is gaining rapid weight. Since my surgery in March, I've lost 100lbs and he has gained about 40lbs. So that doesn't make him feel good at all.
I just reassure him the best way I can, but Im not going to make myself unhappy to make him happy...Ive spent too long doing that.