Friend struggling...

waitinggame
on 9/8/11 1:54 pm, edited 9/10/11 1:17 pm - Bowie, MD

I have a dear friend that lost an incredible amount of weight very quickly (over 150 pounds in 6 months--got below goal) and is now struggling with some regain. Their eating has been suffering lately with more junk eating than they've done in months. I know there is a lot of talk about rebound weight gain. My question is two fold: How soon does the rebound tend to happen and do you think that because the weight was lost so quickly, a rebound would tend to happen sooner than later? I just feel so badly for them because they were so incredibly successful early on and I'm worried this tiny blip on the radar of life is going to form the basis for their opinion about their process. I'm hoping that learning that the regain is a normal part of the process may help them stop the self-destructive cycle of eating they've started. Too many times I have lived that situation where I pu**** with my eating to see how far I can go, but then when the scale pushes back I feel like a failure which results in more bad eating choices. It's a terrible cycle and one I hope they haven't fallen into. They have done and continue to do far too much hard work to throw it away now. I want to remind them that every day is a chance to change direction and go down the path toward success and away from behaviors that could lead to potentially devastating regain, but I know ultimately only they can determine their future success. Hopefully knowing they aren't alone will be of some help. I just pray they will soon make the choices necessary to maintain their incredible success.

Thanks for any thoughts on the issue.

Denise

Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.

RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!

*6.5 lost preop

poet_kelly
on 9/8/11 1:58 pm - OH

RNY on 11/04/08

I'm not sure there is an average time when regain happens. It could happen shortly after reaching your losest weight or several years later.

I don't know if losing weight quickly would make regain happen sooner rather than later or not.

If your friend got below goal, though, is gaining a little weight actually a good thing? Is it a very bad thing? Or are they now gaining enough to be above goal again?

Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.

waitinggame
on 9/8/11 10:19 pm - Bowie, MD

In my opinion, for them gaining a little would be a good thing, but when it is not on your terms (meaning not gaining through healthful food choices to increase calories rather doing too much munching) it plays with your mind. I think they are still below goal at this point.

I was just really hoping to hear there is some bounce back at this time. Mostly because I know once the scale doesn't say what I want it to, that can affect my eating at times. If they saw the scale jump and THEN decided "screw it", then knowing of a bounce back might make them feel less likely to continue munching.

Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.

RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!

*6.5 lost preop

poet_kelly
on 9/8/11 10:36 pm - OH

RNY on 11/04/08

I agree with you there, gaining a little back when it's not on your terms and it's not through healthy choices could definitely play with your mind.

Some people do have bounce back, in fact it seems common enough that some people think it's inevitable and try to go five or ten pounds below goal so that when bounce bac****urs they will be at goal. I think it's kind of like how fast we lose in the beginning or when and how long we stall. It's different for all of us and hard to narrow it down to what's "normal." There is a wide range of normal.

I think the important thing to know is that the pouch still works. We have to use it correctly though if we want it to work correctly. It's like any other tool in the world. My oven still works, but if I don't turn it on or if I set the temperature too high or too low, my food will not get cooked right.

Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.

waitinggame
on 9/8/11 10:45 pm, edited 9/10/11 1:16 pm - Bowie, MD

You know I almost commented to another poster that sometimes just a gentle reminder that their pouch is still doing its job can help folks relax. Lord knows we have that question about 11 times a day on this forum!!

Great analogy on the oven. I'm sure they will find their way. They've got a good deal of time left with the malabsorption; however, that means the time is NOW to start getting their head right with their eating. All hell could break loose if they are still pushing it once malabsorption slows down.

Thanks!

Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.

RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!

*6.5 lost preop

poet_kelly
on 9/8/11 10:49 pm - OH

RNY on 11/04/08

I think you're right, now is the time to get started working on the head stuff. As I've gotten further out, I've come to the conclusion that working out the head stuff is the key to success with WLS.

Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.

Winnie_the_Pooh
on 9/8/11 8:45 pm

RNY on 06/08/11

I think the answer (at least partially) is in your post:

"Their eating has been suffering lately with more junk eating than they've done in months."

Junk food got many of us to where we are. Going back to old habits take us backwards to our originally problem.

Winnie

DebsGiz
on 9/8/11 8:53 pm - FL

I understand your desire to help your friend; however, if she has had wls, she already knows everything you're likely going to try and tell her.

How many times, when we were heavy, did people talk to us, from their hearts, about the importance of losing weight, and how annoyed and resentful did it make us because not only were we feeling judged by them, but also because they were not telling us something we didn't already know?

I would suggest that you let your friend handle her own weight loss journey because, in the end, she will anyway. You are not going to talk her out of anything she is not already willing and ready to do on her own...

I know it's hard to watch someone you care about behaving in a way that may be harmful, but, seriously, you simply do not have any control over it no matter how heartfelt your intentions.

waitinggame
on 9/8/11 10:32 pm, edited 9/10/11 1:18 pm - Bowie, MD

It isn't my desire to try to control the journey for her, more trying to see if there is a component of the scale going up because of a rebound and then her feeling that old familiar feeling of "I'm working so hard and the scale still isn't cooperating, so forget it, I'll just overeat." I don't know if she is aware of rebound gains. I'm not saying it is a healthy mindset to eat destructively because of what the scale says, and yes, of course she has to work through those feelings, but if I can share a bit of insight that might make her see that the initial bump up on the scale may be through no fault of her own, then maybe she'll feel less like a failure and be less apt to throw her hands up and quit.

I am also very aware that when we've lost food as a coping mechanism and haven't faced the issues that got us to where we were, then filling those voids with food is a very easy thing to fall back into doing. Hopefully she will soon see (again) that no amount of food in the world is going to replace an emotional need and worse, will only serve to add weight and make her feel poorly about herself.

In any event, I will always be here for her whether losing, gaining, or, more hopefully, maintaining. It just breaks my heart to think she may be hurting in regards to her weight when she has done such a phenomenal job up to this point. I do know she was pretty strict with her eating plan and having to learn to moderate is a tricky thing when you've been all or nothing for so long. Hopefully this is just a bump in the road for her.

Thanks for your feedback.

Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.

RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!

*6.5 lost preop

DebsGiz
on 9/9/11 7:54 am - FL

I hope you friend realizes how very lucky she is to have you on her side. You are a great friend and she is most fortunate to have someone care so deeply for her.

I'm actually very envious of her.

Keep the love flowing to her and she'll have no choice but to be a winner,

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