My personal body dysmorphia issues

  I don't get it.  When I was large, I didn't know I was *that* large.  I got hit on regularly and most days I thought I looked pretty good.  Then I started having trouble fitting into booths, I had to turn
sideways to fit through turnstyles.. you all know what I am talking about.  The kicker was when I had my breast cancer surgery and they told me that breast cancer can be more prominate in over weight women and started talking about the possibility of a Diabetic future that I started to think that maybe I was a bit larger than I thought.  (The size 24s weren't enough to clue me in??)
  Ok.  So, NOW I am smaller.  I have reached pants sizes that I never thought possible.  Yay, right?  I'm sure a lot of you are familiar with this, but I still see the same fat girl in the mirror.  I don't look HUGE, but not small, either. 
  I went to mybodygallery.com.  I entered my height, weight, pants size.  I looked at all of these tiny looking girls and for some reason, I started to cry.  I am not sure why it upset me like that.  I just thought, "Why don't I LOOK like that??"  I KNOW that I am not supposed to be concerned about my size.  I know that this was about health.. being "normal looking" was just a bonus.  
  I apologize for this rant, because I know this type of post has been posted 983743974937 times already.  I just wanted to "talk about it" with someone who would understand, and I know that a lot of you do.  I want Nik's "I love myself because I am a healthy, happy person" attitude.  I suppose I need therapy.  *shrug*  Who doesn't? 
  Ok.  Rant/insanity done.  I am not sure what to do about it.. or if anything really needs to be done at all.  Maybe I just needed to vent. 

 i don't really know what to say except that i'm right there with ya! (i think we've said this before). what bothers me even more is a few years ago i lost weight and was about 20 pounds MORE than i am now, and a size smaller than i am now. when i look in the mirror all i see are my hangy arms and huge stomach and weird big/skinny legs. i don't think i'll ever see myself normally

Agree 1000%- I probably haven't been this size since fifth or sixth grade, andI try not to be crazy happy about it because I don't want to take it for granted -- I know I could easily gain it back if I lost control which could be a slow and slippery slope ! 

My doctor doesn't set a goal weight, is more concerned about overall health - says I could stay where I am at and be fine , or lose another 20 pounds and be fine too.  I am fitting into regular sized clothes, but don't feel thin or normal...

working on it....

 I don't have any sage advice, but I want to send big hugs your way. Hang in there and I'll pray that it gets better for you!

Hugs, 

Liz

  Thanks.  Honestly, I feel stupid even posting this because I am no different than the other people having this same issue.  I talk to my VERY understanding SO about it, but he has GOT to get tired of hearing about my weight related issues.  LOL.. I'm sure ya'll do, too.. but, you guys aren't the hot guy sleeping next to me at night.  =]  Not to mention, you guys can always just choose NOT to read the post.. The Cowboy never has a choice. 

I know the feeling, I haven't lost any weight yet but I have had body issues most of my life. I went so drastic as being annorexic and losing 40 lbs in one month very unhealthy. I got down to a size ten but I still felt like a blimp. It will take time hun, just keep thinking you are beautiful inside and out. One day you will see your shadow or try to squeeze into a space your old size and it will be a shockingly big difference. Hang in there!

Well the good news is...your completely normal. A LOT of us have the same issues. It does get better the farther out you get. I just started seeing the "skinny" me in the mirror. I took a ton of pictures of me, compared them to my "before" picture, spent a lot of time in the bedroom or bathroom looking at my reflection trying to see the differences. I still have a problem not seeing myself as small as I am, especially when out at the stores. I still think of myself as big (yeah, like I'm really big in a size 4!).

The bad news...Sometimes it does take a little therapy, but not necessarily. Sometimes it takes several months to a year or more for our brains to catch up with the "new" us. I've been at the same weight for over a year now and just now seeing the brain catching up with the image I see.

 I, too, am a size 4 pants and a small shirt.  That's SMALL, right?  Suddenly, this girl who just wanted to be a size 14 (Oh how I prayed that my surgery would let me get there!) isn't happy with a FOUR?!? 
  It's silly.  I used to make FUN of girls in sizes 8 and 10 who kept on about how "fat" they were!  Hmm.. maybe it's Karma?   Damn you, Fat Girl in my Head!!!

I really relate to your post as well.  I knew in my mind I was fat (and still am at this point) but I didn't really see how LARGE I really was.  I only 'notice' when I look at pictures - you know the ones where you have half way behind someone else :-)  I really didn't care too much about being fat until the health issues decided to start kicking in...my body really put up with an awful lot over the years and finally said it was done.  Up until about age 40 I was NOT having much joint pain, high BP or high glucose - then everything started up.  I guess I feel the same way you do - in that I missed my opportunity to be 'pretty on the outside'.  I'm too old for all the skin to go back, etc.  Even when I get to a healthy weight (even if it is a bit curvy) I'll still have lots of extra skin.  What I will have is better health and will still be the same person inside.  Logically, I know this is what is important - but I sometimes just want to be able to wear and 'OWN' the sexy outfit with high heels  :-)  Such is life.  Let's have a long and healthy one.

I never saw myself as big as I was.  But I was 294 lbs. I  look at pictures of my old self and think what was I thinking..  I looked awful. I took pictures all the way through my transformation.  Even being at goal, I still felt big.  I would concentrate on my saggy boobs and hanging skin.  People asked me constantly that I was pregnant.  I had my plastics and it really helped.  I truly believe the plastics completes the process.  It allows us to look normal.  I still think I'm bigger than I am.  I'm shocked to see myself in the mirror  Everyone calls me hot mama and skinny. 
Best thing of all is that I feel so much better!!!  The surgery saved my life.