Thank you so much for ur replies. I really feel like its my life line and that it will change my life for the better. I guess i never expected to have to justify my decision to the ones i love and know. Thank God my husband is being supportive. I figured your guys experience have way more value than theirs because u live it everyday.

I can relate to this.  My brother is very supportive on me losing weight, but when i bring up the surgery option its like he has nothing to say about it.  We will be talking on the phone about working out and eating right then i mention something about wls, Its kinda like he freezes up and quickly changes the subject.  Its to the point were its awkward to bring it up at all.  I'm 28 years old and I've been big all my life.  I used to very active in high school, I played football, but i was also over 300 lbs. Ive tried to lose weight many times in my life.  I wish people would understand when we make this decision its not made in haste, its something we have thought about many nights. I think you should do whats good for you and your family and ignore what those tired old hags have to say.  Get well fast. 

 My boss wants me to get Lapband... Says its less dangerous!

The mortality rate is about the same for RNY and the band.  I think the band has a higher complication rate, though.  It does not last forever so you would need another surgery down the road to remove/replace it.  So you'd face that risk of dying during or right after surgery more than once.  Plus the failure rate is so high with the band.  We see people on this board all the time revising from band to RNY.  I'm guessing your boss is not real educated on the facts but has seen some advertising for the band.

No one tried to talk me out of having surgery my first time in 2002.  I kind of wish they had.  My sister had a RNY a few months before me and was doing great so my family was very supportive.  But I wasn't having a RNY, I was having a much more malabsorptive procedure and I wasn't given enough education or post op follow up and I did get very sick.  I regretted ever having WLS.  And I regained most of the weight I lost.
I desperately wanted a reversal but my surgeon told me that it could only be revised to be less malabsorptive and I jumped on it.  I just wanted to get better.  My boyfriend didn't want me to have the revision.  He saw how sick I got and didn't want me to go through that again but I felt it was my only hope to get better.  I am glad I got the revision even though I apparently still have a lot of malabsorption.  At least now I have a better understanding of what my body is doing and how to take care of myself even though I am hitting roadblocks everywhere I go when I try to have the labs done that I want.
I wouldn't try to talk anyone out of having surgery but I would encourage them to see if a purely restrictive procedure might be adequate for them.  If they need malabsorption then I kind of think the RNY is a waste of time anyway since the malabsorption of calories only lasts a few years at most and then all you have is a restrictive procedure anyway except that you always malabsorb vitamins.  The surgery with the best and permanent malabsorption should be entered into with a great deal of knowledge and support from medical professionals who know what you need to stay healthy.  It is not something to be taken lightly.
I also am beginning to think that WLS is almost too easy to get.  Maybe some people who are getting it aren't prepared for it.  It is a money making business and the more consumers the more money to be made.  Maybe they should go back to being more discriminant about who gets WLS and how people are educated and followed up.

That's interesting that you think it's too easy to get.  I see lots of people that have to jump through so many hoops, mostly for their insurance to pay for surgery.  I bet they'd say the opposite. 

What I'm thinking is that it's not so much that it's too easy to get WLS, but it's too easy for docs to be able to perform it.  We have docs telling patients to take Flintstones and Tums, for heaven's sake.  Doctors should be required to take some classes in nutrition as it applies to bariatrics.  So should dieticians - and doctors should be required to hire registered dieticians with training in bariatrics, not allowed to just hire anyone that calls themselves nutritionists.  Centers of  Excellence should be required to provide patients with the ASMBS guidelines and to provide better patient education and better follow up in the form of labs twice a year and I mean complete labs.  They should be required to have a registered dietician on staff with training in bariatrics and while they are required to offer a professionally facilitated support group, they should be required to offer one facilitated by a licensed counselor or social worker, someone with training in facilitation of groups.

I guess what I mean by too easy to get is that they are offering it to more and more people who are barely qualified either by BMI or comorbidities.  It used to be used only on the heaviest and sickest people but now it almost seems like everyone who is overweight is able to have it.  I have seen people who were barely a 35 BMI.   For some who are self pay they can practically schedule WLS in weeks.  Insurance companies make it harder because they don't want to pay.
For me it was almost too easy, especially when I think about the surgery I had.  In 2002 I had no pre op classes, not even an orientation.  I made an appointment with the surgeon, who verified that my surgery would pay with no pre authorization as long as my BMI was over 40.  That was it until I had my surgery 3 months later.  The only reason it took so long is because of the surgeon's schedule.  Pre op the only testing I had was the normal pre op testing to make sure I could tolerate the anesthesia.  I wasn't even required to have a psych eval, which would have probably shown that because of my carb addiction I was a poor candidate at that time without treatment for my food issues.
I agree with what you say about the other things.  There is too much discrepancy between surgeons and their programs and follow up.  There needs to be a standard that all bariatric programs need to follow.

I agree with you.  I am really shocked sometimes at people that are planning to have WLS and that surgeons would operate on them when their BMI is pretty low.  Now, I guess if you figure they will only continue to gain weight and will not be able to lose it or keep it off without WLS, maybe it does make sense to do the WLS before they get too heavy.  After all, the heavier they are, the riskier surgery is.  But it still feels like some are having it when they aren't heavy enough to really need it.

I am big on informed consent, as you may already know, and when surgeon's don't educate patients fully and accurately, they are unable to really give informed consent.  And that is scary to me that they do procedures that really change your life without making sure you understand all the risks and benefits completely.  I think a lot of it is laziness.  They prefer just to tell patients what to do and not bother to explain things.

Sorry if this is  TMI   I have had people try to talk me out of it.  But I have severe restrictive lung disease.  I can't even walk and talk at the same time because I dont have enough air.  I have to get this belly out of the way so my diaphragm can move, then I can work out to keep it off, ballroom dance again etc.
My pulmonologist and my surgeon feel this surgery is the only chance I have.  There is nothing else my pulmonologist can do for me.  And now I am also diabetic and hypertensive, with high cholesterol and a fatty liver.  I will die without this surgery so I tell them, I know you are worried, but you aren't living this I am.  

People are always saying you aren't that big,  Well maybe not in their  eyes. But I am the one who can't climb a flight of stairs slowly without gulping for air, or goes down sideways because I can't see my feet and I am so front heavy I fear falling forward.  I am the one who can't reach my butt without a struggle, or battles stress incontinence, or cant reach my feet to buckle shoes or cut my own toenails.

What I am trying to say is we are doing this for more reasons than to look good in a pair of skinny jeans!!  So all I can do is tell them, thank you but I have done the research.  More than that I have worked as a nurse on a bariatric unit.  I know what I am getting into. I know the possible complications.  I also know I will die young without it.  HTH and sorry if TMI

 Seeking some pre op support that could stay with me post op, I visited with a psych who after 20 minutes started telling how bad WLS was and that most of her patients fail and she thought I would fail because my life was too stressful. She then told me how I could beat my sugar addiction by reading certain books and following her special "steps". Felt very ripped off, as she told me over the phone she had experience with WLS patients. Little did I know it was terrible experience. 

For the most part, have told only my immediate family of my plans. My wife is very supportive because she knows how bad my health really is. I have some friends I know just absolutely would not understand but my view is it's none of their business. 

I did not come to this lightly. I have researched for more than one year. I know there are risks but have found there are people out there with agendas pro and con. If someone starts telling you what's best for you right off the bat, they are not on the level. You have to go with your gut.