Need Advice About Talking About WLS With DIL

I am trying to be very sensitive to my DIL but I want to bring up WLS with her.  Not because she is morbidly obese but because she is having issues conceiving due to PCOS and I know that many women with PCOS conceive after WLS.
She is very upset because it looks like her only hope is IVF, which they cannot afford.  I don't know if she is aware that WLS can help with the PCOS.  I have stayed out of it because I don't want to seem like a meddling mother in law and truthfully we aren't that close.  I adore her and think she is a wonderful wife to my son but she has a very close relationship with her mother and we have just never spent a lot of time together.
Like I said, I swore I would never interfere with my children's marriages, having had very intrusive in laws myself but I want to help.
I was thinking of either sending her a note on Facebook offering to talk to her about it or maybe taking her out to coffee?  She does know I have had WLS but she also knows I have had issues and I am afraid that maybe that has scared her off of it.

I would definitely go the coffee route.  Ask her all about it, let her tell you everything that has been said to her and then ask if anyone mentioned WLS?

I will say that I have delivered several babies to women with fully diagnosed PCOS - sometimes there are miracles, but where there aren't,  WLS is definitely an option she should be made aware of!

My daughter was diagnosed with PCOS and she has 3 children so I know it's possible and it is also possible that my DIL has other issues besides the PCOS.  I only know about the PCOS because she leaves her prescription for Metformin on the counter in her bathroom.  I really wasn't trying to be nosy but it was right out in the open.  I do know she has been on Clomid and maybe other fertility drugs.

I would not send her a note on Facebook. I would suggest calling her up and inviting her out to coffee or lunch with the intent of getting to know her better. Tell her that you think she is a wonderful person and you adore her and would really like to get closer. Then, during lunch, you can bring up how you had WLS and how it has helped you with whatever medical problems it's helped you with, and how you've also heard it has helped women with PCOS. I would leave it at that unless she asks questions and wants to pursue the conversation more. That way you've put it out there, but made it more about you, and if she wants to know more, she knows you are there and are willing to answer her questions.

Good luck.
Jan

I would be careful bringing it up.  My guess is that a Doctor has already talked to her about needing to lose weight and how losing weight can help with pcos and trying to conceive.  She knows you had WLS.  I feel like she would bring it up to you if she wanted to talk about it.

That's just my take on it though.  Infertility and weight loss are just sensitive issues. 

In your place, I don't think I would do it unless I were very close to my DIL. I would definately not use any public forum like Facebook, and I would not ambush her at coffee. You might want to find one or two (but no more) extra-good articles that discuss WLS and PCOS and fertility that provide quality scientific info. You could send them to her via email or print them out and send or give them to her. I would play it casually like you thought they were interesting and you knew that she had PCOS and might find them casually interesting. Then I would leave it there. If she wants to know more and is comfortable with you and interested, she will ask or look on her own.

I agree with fatfreemama and the last poster....get articles in hand..and maybe at a luncheon..but simple and sweet. I agree with the do not ambush. Good LUCK

Thanks for the advice.  I wasn't planning on making a public post on Facebook, I meant a private message in case anyone thought otherwise.
I am going to think about it and decide what to do.  I am leaning towards asking her to coffee but I am thinking about the articles, too.

 To add to my previous: I have PCOS, have been considered infertile, and have a positive, but not close relationship with my MIL. She had a lot of kids and would have loved for us to have one or many. Had she suggested WLS to me before I made the decision to proceed myself, I would have been mortified. I already felt horrible that I was infertile, and would not have welcomed that pressure/conversation, even though my MIL is a real nice lady.

Also, even if fertility does return, it doesn't mean that she would be comfortable proceeding with a pregnancy following WLS. I'm not. I may still decide to adopt a child, but I probably won't bear one myself even if it does become possible.

I have a great relationship with my mother in law. So, If I imagine I didnt, then I would advise you to not bring it up. She, your DIL, is probably completely stressed about the situation. I would offer to take her out to lunch or to movie or something like bowling..and just offer your support. She might have experienced several  miscarriages and other issues too.. Before you dive in and talk with her about her pcos or weight loss, I would work on the average normal relationship first.

I know your intentions are good but lets face it... if she hasnt come to you then she probably isnt comfortable speaking with you about yet.

Michelle