Did I overreact to boyfriend's stupid drinking behavior?
On March 4, 2012 at 10:51 PM Pacific Time, MacMadame wrote:
I don't know if you over-reacted but blowing up at your SO and then giving them the silent treatment is immature and unhelpful. If you want this relationship to work, you need to learn how to fight constructively.But, I really don't even see the fight here. SHE was obviously SO WRONG.
(deactivated member)
on 3/4/12 9:59 pm
on 3/4/12 9:59 pm
In my opinion a one-time incident is just not that significant . It MAY trigger feelings and fears based on family or personal history but that is not your history with this person.
Thats called bringing baggage into a relationship !
Now if you don't like the way he behaves consistently , or maybe think you can do better ..than thats something different . But I still don't believe in shaming people for who they are or how they cope with day to day life
. Either accept them ( largely ) warts and all , or find someone who fits you and where you want to go in life better .
I think we should not make each other miserable by demanding the other change .
Thats called bringing baggage into a relationship !
Now if you don't like the way he behaves consistently , or maybe think you can do better ..than thats something different . But I still don't believe in shaming people for who they are or how they cope with day to day life
. Either accept them ( largely ) warts and all , or find someone who fits you and where you want to go in life better .
I think we should not make each other miserable by demanding the other change .
(deactivated member)
on 3/4/12 10:03 pm
on 3/4/12 10:03 pm
When did I say this was a one-time incident? It isn't. He had problems with drinking the entire time in our relationship. We'd drink together and he would get wasted. Did you read my post?
Your comment is called bringing ignorance to the forum. don't bother commenting unless you read it. Thanks.
Your comment is called bringing ignorance to the forum. don't bother commenting unless you read it. Thanks.
(deactivated member)
on 3/4/12 10:05 pm
on 3/4/12 10:05 pm
BTW, thanks to you who could offer constructive commments without name calling. The rest of you can go to hell,
I talked to Brian about this and he immediately agreed he got drunk, he acted like a jerk, he was out of line, and it won't happen again. Problem solved.
I talked to Brian about this and he immediately agreed he got drunk, he acted like a jerk, he was out of line, and it won't happen again. Problem solved.
I do think you over-reacted, and here's why.
It sounds to me like his behaviour the other night really isn't all that different than it has been in the past---except that right now you're not drinking with him---so now you're seeing it in a completely new light. In the past, the both of you were tipsy, and *probably* found each other quite amusing. (Drunk people usually do---it's the sober ones who find drunk behaviour ofensive.)
It's good that the two of you are talking again---the 'silent treatment' never furthers understanding. But don't be surprised if it DOES happen again.
It sounds to me like his behaviour the other night really isn't all that different than it has been in the past---except that right now you're not drinking with him---so now you're seeing it in a completely new light. In the past, the both of you were tipsy, and *probably* found each other quite amusing. (Drunk people usually do---it's the sober ones who find drunk behaviour ofensive.)
It's good that the two of you are talking again---the 'silent treatment' never furthers understanding. But don't be surprised if it DOES happen again.
(deactivated member)
on 3/4/12 11:36 pm
on 3/4/12 11:36 pm
My cousin just sent me an article that outlines how great red wine ( in limited quantities ) is for your health when drunk regularly .
There's evidence that it very significantly reduces rates of cancer in smokers , insulin resistance that leads to diabetes , inflammation and cardiac problems including rates of arrythmias , heart attacks and strokes .
Its interesting to me that so many of us food adicts get involved with addicts of other stripes - maybe we're trying to learn how to be selfish ? Maybe we think a flawed ( but cute ) human being is the only one were attracted to who could possibly love us fat ?
I'm NOT countenancing being involved with an addict , which I think is a TOTALLY losing proposition based on personal experience ... I just think being holier-than- thou and demanding and obstinate and controlling doesnt work either .
My husband is at the Jacob Javits center food show today , tasting whatever to his ( post bariatric surgery ) food-addict little hearts content . He'd be the FIRST one to tell you that he prefers chocolate cake to a highball but theyre EXACTLY the same thing . I'm SO glad I'm married to a mature , understanding , compassionate and kind individual !
He lets me be me and I in turn let him be him . When it comes to money and practicalities , OF COURSE we compromise and cope the best ( individual ) way that we can . THIS gives us good , well paying professions, a pension and savings ...
There's evidence that it very significantly reduces rates of cancer in smokers , insulin resistance that leads to diabetes , inflammation and cardiac problems including rates of arrythmias , heart attacks and strokes .
Its interesting to me that so many of us food adicts get involved with addicts of other stripes - maybe we're trying to learn how to be selfish ? Maybe we think a flawed ( but cute ) human being is the only one were attracted to who could possibly love us fat ?
I'm NOT countenancing being involved with an addict , which I think is a TOTALLY losing proposition based on personal experience ... I just think being holier-than- thou and demanding and obstinate and controlling doesnt work either .
My husband is at the Jacob Javits center food show today , tasting whatever to his ( post bariatric surgery ) food-addict little hearts content . He'd be the FIRST one to tell you that he prefers chocolate cake to a highball but theyre EXACTLY the same thing . I'm SO glad I'm married to a mature , understanding , compassionate and kind individual !
He lets me be me and I in turn let him be him . When it comes to money and practicalities , OF COURSE we compromise and cope the best ( individual ) way that we can . THIS gives us good , well paying professions, a pension and savings ...
I know I say and do some stupid **** too because of my hormones so I am going to say that is probably the case with you too, you got pissed for whatever reason over something that really wasn't a big deal. And honestly seeing a grown man sitting home drinking once in 3 weeks isn't really a bad example for a teenager. Seriously if you didn't want someone who drank, date someone who doesn't, don't try to change this guy, you met him this way and accepted it before so now all of a sudden you can't drink so hes not supposed to live either. Face it, the world does not revolve around you. I like to think it revolves around me, but it doesn't revolve around me either. We choose our course and have to make some sacrifices, that doesn't mean the rest of the work has to suffer for them. Chill.
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