Looking for advice about something personal and .. embarrassing.

 You can message me here or at [email protected] or.. ummm.  just leave a reply on the post.  Anything is welcome.

ok i'm about to write you.

It sounds like both of you have been through and are going through some life changing events.  you with WLS and him with joining the army.  Major things that can add stress to any relationship.  All you can do is tell him how you feel.  You also have to remember that what he did has really nothing to do with you.   People look else where when they are not feeling good about themselves, etc.  You have to decide if this is something you can work with or is it a deal breaker for you.  Only you can decide that.  Relationships are hard and there are many bumps in the road.  If you decide to work on this relationship, there will be many more bumps in the road.  You also have to decide what bagage you bring into this.  Counseling if you can afford it may help you with this.  I am sorry that you are going through this difficult and emotional time. 

P.S.  This is nothing to be embarrass about..

You should not be embarrased at all - you have a heart and there is nothing wrong with that. I think the hardest part for you right now is the waiting and not being able to communicate with him to work it out.   You have more time to think and allow even more bad thoughts run through your head and that will drive you crazy.
I hope he is being sincere with his responses to you, but he needs to know if you let this slide that is it. Sounds like he had so much going on and made some bad choices.
My main piece of advice to you is to follow your heart and if it tells you at all something is not right then listen to it. If it tells you you love this man and he is worth fighting for, then fight.

I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope this all works out the way you would like it too.

How weird the link took me to my blog.

PERSONALLY my advice will be no help.. because i am CRAZY.. literally psycho lmfao.. and i would have cut my mans throat (okay maybe not literally) but if hes not answering your DIRECT questions i would have freaked. i am not the type that likes to wait around for answers.. and if hes trying to go around them.. which it seemed like.. id be upset. Just try to clear the situation up with him, and move on with your life, with him or with out him. just make sure that you clear everything up that has to do with that, so that you can move on with it, and never question it again! :)

also, i know some females like the one you explain.. and i would question it.. because them *****s ALWAYS do WHATEVER it takes to GET WHAT THEY WANT.. man they are so THIRSTY for a man who aint theirs! its ridiculous!! efffn *****s lol booo

i would be very leary of all that has happened...it sounds just like what went on with you and him when you were first getting together, talking stage at the gas station....you only have his side of the story of what went on with his ex....you always hear the words, once a cheater always a cheater...well if he cheated on his ex with you, then what is to stop him from cheating on your with someone new? i would take this time to really think about things....it takes two to dance.. if he did not respond to the messages or to the texts, then it would not have gone as far as it did..if she approached him first, he had to respond.. if he would not have responded, then it was done and over with....if he sent it out first, she had to respond, then he had to respond back...at least you caught it now, and not after several babies later and years of marriage later....i would get some counseling for yourself and then together as a couple before i would get married...
there are some seriouls red flags going up on this situation and you need to take the time to see that for yourself..
i have been married for almost 30 years, and you have to have complete honesty in a marriage, you have to be able to trust your partner....
sorry if this is not what you want to hear..but i see red flags going up....
debby

I read your blog. Um, WOW. Bless your heart. Before I give you my opinion/advice, which you asked for, please know that I am not an uncaring or cold hearted person; but I do call it like I see it.

First of all, I do believe in true love. Whole-heartedly. However, I am NOT one that believes that "love conquers all" or "all you need is love". There are so many other components necessary to make a relationship truly happy and healthy. The trust issue is huge, and that's already shot to hell (at least it would be for me).  Financial issues are something most couples go thru at one time or another, but sounds like yours have alot to do with not knowing that the bills were not getting paid and you found out the hard way, not because he shared that information with you. For me, that would be another big red flag in the trust area. If he was hiding the flirty girl relationship and the financial troubles, what else is he hiding?

As for the issues with his children; do you think that situation is going to change or improve once you are married? Based on the information you shared (and I believe you mentioned there is more that you didn't share), sounds like this relationship has only one positive component -- and that is that you truly love him. For me, that would not even begin to come close to being enough to marry this person, much less follow him to God-knows-where the military life will take you.

My advice...make the decision that you are worth much more than what you are getting from this relationship. Cut your losses and move on.