Support System

My surgery is scheduled for May 29th.  My husband has been supportive, for the most part, but back in February he dropped a bombshell on me that he's not sure if he wants to be married to me anymore.

I don't want to push off my surgery becuase he's not sure if he's staying or going, but my question to you is, how much support do you need at home in the weeks after sugery?  Do I need his help or can I do it on my own?  I'm a pretty strong and independent woman, and I recovered quite well after my c-sections, but this is a completely different type of surgery.  I have no idea how I'll fare.

Anyone else have your spouse pull anything like this before the surgery?

you can do fine on your own. There is less pain and restriction on your movement, since this is a laparascopic procedure, there's only 4 or 5 tiny incisions. Physically, you won't need much help at all.

What an ass. Rather than wait for him to make up HIS mind, why don't you decide whether or not you want HIM around?

No, thank God my husband was supportive. Do you have any friends that might be able to give you a hand for a few days?
Yes, this surgery is different from a C-section.  It was easier for me.  Not the same at all.
My suggestion is not to put off your new life one day longer than necessary for him.   You worked hard to get to the point of getting a surgery date.  Don't let anything stand in your way.  Just an opinion, of course.

Thank you.  This is really a difficult time for me. I don't know what the outcome of my marriage is going to be (16 year in June) but I'm young and will bounce back.  Just need to keep telling myself that!

Unless you have complications, you probably won't need a whole lot of help at home.  You'll be tired and you're not supposed to lift anything heavy for a while.  I left the hospital the day after my surgery, then the next day my partner went to work all day and I was home alone.  I had no trouble doing things like showering, making my protein shakes, heating up soup in the microwave, etc.  My partner was home at night and he did stuff like laundry for a couple weeks.  But I could have done that, too, if I had to, I just would have had to carry a few clothes at a time to the washer instead of picking up a whole basket of laundry.

You can do a lot to prepare before surgery.  You can use ready to drink protein shakes, you can prepare some pureed foods and freeze them, make sure you have everything you need from the store for the first couple weeks, etc.  Do you have any friends or family around that could help out a little if you need it?

I'm sorry about your husband.  I was married once, a long time ago, and my husband decided he didn't want to be married to me anymore.  It was such an incredibly painful time for me.

The thing that might be hardest for you is not having to do the physical stuff by yourself after surgery, but dealing with the emotional stuff and the stress.  Ending a marriage is stressful.  And it can be pretty stressful after WLS.  So I think you might want to think more about how you'll get emotional support during that time.

You will be fine.   I neded help in a hospital, and needed someone to take me home.  Once I was home - I could do anything by myself.

Sorry about the state of things with your husband.  I wish I had some advice. 

I can help with the post-op care advice.  If you no complications and don't have any young children that need to be lifted or carried around, I don't see any problem with taking care of yourself at home.    I could have done it alone.  It was nice having my sister and husband to keep me company and help out but I really didn't need them.  But I had no complications whatsoever. 

My support system has mostly been the people on this website.  Honestly. 

Good luck and take care of yourself.  I hope things work out with your and your husband whether it means you are together or decide that you would be better off apart. 

I came home from my surgery to an 11 month old and my husband went back to work ...  I managed just fine.   Not sure how old your chldren are, but if they are young and need your care you should really be off the narcotics if you can!  I didn't have anything or need anything from the day after surgery, so it wasn't a problem for me - it also meant that I could drive right away too.

Well, I have to tell you on February 14th of this year my long term live in boyfriend told me he was not sure if he wanted to be in a relationship anymore. Since I have not had my surgery and just got my date today, I am glad I have not let that get in my way. In fact, I told him if he was not sure, he needed to go ahead and leave. I needed to be around positive upbeat people who would support me. I was with him for over 8 years and he did not want to make any "official" committment to me. It was an emotional struggle and still is sometimes. Unless your children are very young, I would think you could handle this. If not, maybe a close friend at work could help out getting your children to school/daycare while you rest and then help out a little in the evenings. Heck, if I lived closer I would help you out. Maybe someone here on this board could help you if needed. Stay strong and stay focused. You can do this...

My children are 2.5 and 8.  I'm not sure how my littlest is going to handle not sitting with mommy (she tends to elbow me in the gut now LOL).