OT- advice about divorce/child visitation stuff

 Have her go to Court and seek a motion for supervised parenting time at a supervision center, and that such parenting time be contingent upon providing a clean urinalysis result.   It seems to me that she has been going above and beyond to ensure that there is a relationship between father and child, but now it needs to be him.   She does not need an attorney to do this.  

Courts don't like it when parents withhold parenting time, but it sounds like your client has more than enough reason to do so right now.  The better course of action would be to seek permission.  Courts usually give this permission when there has been a history of alcohol abuse that did or could have affected the child.

I know I'm not answering your bigger question.  That's because it doesn't really matter what we think.  The bigger question is what courts think.  Courts prefer to give fathers every opportunity to be a father while ensuring the safety of the child.    For the record, she wouldn't be doing anything illegal by withholding parenting time (at least in my jurisdiction), but it could result in him going to Court more quickly than she wants, and she would be on the defensive.  That's not usually a good idea.

I don't practice in your state, and if your friend has questions, she should contact a local family attorney (lots of them give free consultations), but my understanding is that things work similarly in most midwestern states.  

Another thing, since she's waiting for Legal Aid, these cir****tances may lead Legal Aid to move her higher on their list.  They do respond more quickly when children are in danger.  

Yeah, it's my understanding that until there is a court order that says differently, she is not required to let the father see the child.  It seems many people think she is required to do that, but that's not what I was told when I went through a divorce, although that was many years ago.  He certainly could go to court more quickly but she thinks it's unlikely because one, he doesn't have any money, and two, he likes to take drugs and sleep most of the day.  She does understand, though, that it's very unusual for a court to deny a parent visitation all together.

Hi Kelly,
I had a very similar situation with my first marriage and it was hell. My ex took me to court for visitation and because of his "extracurricular activities" and the fact that I was afraid of him since he had gotten physical with me, I pushed for supervised visitations.
I would bring my son to the court house after hours twice a week and a Social Worker would supervise the visit. A few months into the visits, they saw the same types of behaviors that I had described to the courts (not showing up, being late, being "out of it" when he did show up, and he even fell asleep one time during the vist) so they requested that he be tested for drugs and alcohol randomly.
1 year later, the courts decided that having NO father is better than having a drunk/drug using/unreliable father. A NO CONTACT ORDER was put into place and he is not allowed 100 feet near my son nor I.
My son is 10 years old now and he is GREAT! He has a great relationship with my fiance and recently started calling him dad.

I hope she is keeping a notebook of every single thing he is doing. Dates/times...details.

Does he really want to see his child or is he using it as an excuse to get to her?

I think no father is better, but I grew up in an abusive household. Eventually he will figure it out, but it breaks my heart for the poor kid.

She suspects he is at least mostly using it as an excuse to get to her.  For instance, a couple weeks ago, she took her son to an amusement park for the day.  Dad was supposed to meet them there in the afternoon but as usually, was very very late.  Finally when dad called her to say he would be there soon, she told her that she was tired and hot and planning to leave in a few minutes.  Dad acted all upset.  She hung up, then thought about things, and called dad back to say he could come to the park, she would pass the child over to him, she would leave and he could stay at the park with the child.  Dad said no, nevermind.  Apparently he only wanted to spend time at the park with his son if she was also going to be there.

Is it possible she files her own paperwork and does so in poverty? Not every state does this but some do, which allows filing fees to be waived.

Now as far as visitation goes, I recommend that she request supervised visitation but not to suggest to the court no visitation. My son's biological father wanted visitation many years ago(we were never married). I did not want him to have it because he would have had visitation at his mother's house. His mother was (and still is for all I know) a rampant alcohol and drug user and so were all of her 'friends'.

While in court, I did protest visitation on these grounds and was given a sharp set down by the judge. So I ended up having to acquiesce. Happily, my son's bio father always had other plans and was never available for visitation, so the situation worked itself out.

And lousy father vs no father? Right now I would recommend she set her son up with counseling asap. It sounds as if the father will be around periodically and this kiddo needs all the help and support he can get. Whether the father is around or not, this kid needs a safe place to work through all of the emotions he will have as he grows up.

She said she went to the courthouse and got a packet of paperwork to do her own filing but there is a $300 fee that she was told cannot be waived.  Also, the packet listed a list of documents that had to be included with the paperwork if she files and she didn't know what they all were and the clerk said she could not tell her what anything meant, she would have to talk to an attorney.

 The part I question the most is.. she doesn't want him to have visits at the house because she can't take her eyes off him for one second or he''ll steal her money? but she's willing to send her child off with him where she can't see what's happening?  That sounds a little nuts!

The courts very rarely stop visitation from a parent, that said she can request supervised visitation which is what I have with my ex who is bipolar.  You can have the supervisor be a paid court officer a friend or family member.. that sounds like it's her best bet but she HAS to file for divorce and go to court she just can't stop letting him see his child.  If she goes in to file for divorce and says she has no money most likey the court will give her a fee waiver for filing and award her support.  Well that's how it works here in MA anyway.

No, no, she doesn't want to send the child off with him.  She is afraid he will be under the influence of something and/or drive his car even though he no longer has a license.

 trust me, I totally understand.. and she can take him to court and have him randomly drug tested and hopefully get supervised visits for him.  It's a sad situation but she has to do everything she can to keep her child safe but unfortunately she has to let the court decide. Best of luck to her!