OT- advice about divorce/child visitation stuff
(deactivated member)
on 5/30/12 10:48 am - WA
on 5/30/12 10:48 am - WA
No dad is better than a loser dad.
My grandson is raised without his loser dads involvement. Our family has had 15 years to instill good morals, family values, strong charactor, the honor of being a good parent and the respect from keeping your word, A sense of responsiblity of taking care of your children and your family. He has known only love and acceptance from us.
His father on the other hand has shown him that he (the dad) is a loser for failing to have any of the traits that were ingrained in my grandson. We did not have to teach him that, it is what he can see on his own. We did not want his father to have contact with him, why so he could teach him drugs and alchol are cool. (not). That being a dead beat loser dad is the way to have a family. We didn't tell him his dad was coming and so no disappointment (although it did happen on times we would run into him and he would make plans) we also kept no secrets from him.(but never spoke of things infront of him either) If his dad didn't show up we would say we did not know why he didn't come but it was not his (grandson) fault and we always had a back up activity to take its place and take his mind off of it. Now at 15 his dad tried to friend request him and my grandson just ignores it. I have seen other kids who stay intouch with thier loser dads and think he is cool, and the dad lets them have things and get away with things he shouldn't. And I see those kids making some of the same mistakes. I say, why show a child something you don't want them to know about.
I'd tell that dad to either be a good dad and quit the other **** or to step aside, And I would let him know that if he took me to court I would make sure all the **** he did would come out and be public record for the kid to know later on.
But I am also forgiving and if he got his life together I would allow him to start again.
My grandson is raised without his loser dads involvement. Our family has had 15 years to instill good morals, family values, strong charactor, the honor of being a good parent and the respect from keeping your word, A sense of responsiblity of taking care of your children and your family. He has known only love and acceptance from us.
His father on the other hand has shown him that he (the dad) is a loser for failing to have any of the traits that were ingrained in my grandson. We did not have to teach him that, it is what he can see on his own. We did not want his father to have contact with him, why so he could teach him drugs and alchol are cool. (not). That being a dead beat loser dad is the way to have a family. We didn't tell him his dad was coming and so no disappointment (although it did happen on times we would run into him and he would make plans) we also kept no secrets from him.(but never spoke of things infront of him either) If his dad didn't show up we would say we did not know why he didn't come but it was not his (grandson) fault and we always had a back up activity to take its place and take his mind off of it. Now at 15 his dad tried to friend request him and my grandson just ignores it. I have seen other kids who stay intouch with thier loser dads and think he is cool, and the dad lets them have things and get away with things he shouldn't. And I see those kids making some of the same mistakes. I say, why show a child something you don't want them to know about.
I'd tell that dad to either be a good dad and quit the other **** or to step aside, And I would let him know that if he took me to court I would make sure all the **** he did would come out and be public record for the kid to know later on.
But I am also forgiving and if he got his life together I would allow him to start again.
Kelly,
Since she has very little income to pay for a divorce I would like to offer this advice. Have her go to the library or research online a document called a pauper's agreement. She can type up her own divorce and pauper's agreement where her divorce would be **FREE**
I did this in 2001. My child support request was in the divorce papers I filed.
Just a thought but the pauper's agreement is the best way to go.
Since she has very little income to pay for a divorce I would like to offer this advice. Have her go to the library or research online a document called a pauper's agreement. She can type up her own divorce and pauper's agreement where her divorce would be **FREE**
I did this in 2001. My child support request was in the divorce papers I filed.
Just a thought but the pauper's agreement is the best way to go.
This was the same situation I raised my now 23 yr old daughter under.
I kept records of every time he didn't show up, every time I took her there only to be turned away, and every other issue involved that would matter to a judge. However, I never needed it. He had no interest in going to court to see her.
Finally when she was about 5? he told her he was too busy to take her and her mom needed to find her a new dad. Best advice ever!
She was hurt repeatedly by him turning her way but that statement was the last for me. I never again facilitated their getting together.
He remarried and had children with his new wife and she called when my daughter was about 8 and wanted to pick her up for the weekend so she could see her dad and get to know her siblings. I allowed it and did all my communication with her. That lasted maybe a year and we never heard from her again. They divorced maybe 2 years later so I assume she was going through the same things I did with him.
My daughter struggled and still struggles with this issue. She feels unloved and unwanted by both him and his family. After she turned 16 and got a car she started "sneaking" off to see him and his family and was told what I liar I am and that he never didn't want to see her. I ignored that and allowed her to start a relationship with him again. He hadn't changed and within a month she was home crying again due to his behavior.
She is now 23 and still makes attempts often with the same responses although his family is very loving to her. He tells her he loves her but she doesn't feel he shows it, and I agree he doesn't. I'm not sure if it's because she and I both measure how one shows love differently than his family or if he is just incapable.
She has told me she often thought of him as this white knight who would ride in and save her when she didn't like our rules or discipline.
Looking back the main thing I did wrong? I didn't get her therapy right away when she was young. It is the one thing I would change.
I do not regret for one minute not allowing her to go around him when he was drinking and driving, driving with no license or using drugs.
If she had been in the car with him any of the times he had been pulled over and DCFS got involved how would I explain knowing and still allowing her to go?
I kept records of every time he didn't show up, every time I took her there only to be turned away, and every other issue involved that would matter to a judge. However, I never needed it. He had no interest in going to court to see her.
Finally when she was about 5? he told her he was too busy to take her and her mom needed to find her a new dad. Best advice ever!
She was hurt repeatedly by him turning her way but that statement was the last for me. I never again facilitated their getting together.
He remarried and had children with his new wife and she called when my daughter was about 8 and wanted to pick her up for the weekend so she could see her dad and get to know her siblings. I allowed it and did all my communication with her. That lasted maybe a year and we never heard from her again. They divorced maybe 2 years later so I assume she was going through the same things I did with him.
My daughter struggled and still struggles with this issue. She feels unloved and unwanted by both him and his family. After she turned 16 and got a car she started "sneaking" off to see him and his family and was told what I liar I am and that he never didn't want to see her. I ignored that and allowed her to start a relationship with him again. He hadn't changed and within a month she was home crying again due to his behavior.
She is now 23 and still makes attempts often with the same responses although his family is very loving to her. He tells her he loves her but she doesn't feel he shows it, and I agree he doesn't. I'm not sure if it's because she and I both measure how one shows love differently than his family or if he is just incapable.
She has told me she often thought of him as this white knight who would ride in and save her when she didn't like our rules or discipline.
Looking back the main thing I did wrong? I didn't get her therapy right away when she was young. It is the one thing I would change.
I do not regret for one minute not allowing her to go around him when he was drinking and driving, driving with no license or using drugs.
If she had been in the car with him any of the times he had been pulled over and DCFS got involved how would I explain knowing and still allowing her to go?
5' 3" - HW: 244 SW:234 GW:120 LW: 107 CW:110 Made goal 3/16/13!
No unsupervised visits, period.
A child is not safe with a parent who could be under the influence at any moment.
Father may not be high when mom drops the kid off, but what's to stop him from using right after?
Either schedule supervised visits once a week, or no visitation at all. Mom could lose custody TO THE STATE if something ever happened to that kid while she sent him to visit his father KNOWING full well that the father as substance abuse problems.
~Jenna 
RNY 1/16/12
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