I still think I'm right, but I may have gone too far.

 You put your husband in a lose-lose situation.  Painted the poor feller  into a corner.  It's like asking a man 10 times if your big butt looks big in a pair of tight pants.  Eventually, he's gonna break down and tell you like it is because he's tried a million times to tell you what you need or want to hear.  Dude just wanted the conversation over with already.  

The others gave some great advice and I figured I would chime in too since I have been in your type of situation before. I was 19 when I got married (hubby was 20) and we have been married over 17 years. We don’t get into arguments very often, but if we do, we usually end up in the same situation – we don’t talk or just avoid each other for a bit. Not all situations, but most of the time. I think sometimes it’s just a way of stepping back from the situation, and like you said, avoiding the risk of saying something you don’t mean in the heat of the moment. For us, and some others, it works. It gives you some time to really think about what happened and evaluate if it was really something that is worth fighting about or if it is something that just needs to be let go….ya know, the whole “don’t sweat the small stuff."    You said his initial response was “I wish you could too babe, but you're at your max for the day, right?" I think that was a very sweet response to you. You (and him) know the donut wasn’t the best idea and he was trying to support you. He obviously cares or he wouldn’t have said that! You said when you kept going that you were joking mostly, so you shouldn’t get mad at his response. Honestly, what did you want him to say? He tried to support you and you kept going so maybe he felt frustrated and not sure what to say at that point. You said it is not easy to love and support you since you are a gym-rat one minute and then craving donuts the next – but you shouldn’t just say “that’s life"….or things will never change. He sounds supportive; he goes running with you and tells you he is proud of you. Now you have to be willing to continue making changes to improve things as well. You know the justifications of extra exercise are wrong, and only you can stop them.    Sometimes it is HARD, HARD, HARD to admit you messed up and apologize, but I think you should. (Trust me, I have been there and done that) He sounds like a great guy and just didn’t know what to say at that point. I know I don’t know you but just from your post he sounds like he DOES care.   My recommendation is to suck it up, take a deep breath and apologize 100% for the situation. Tons of people don’t have the support from their spouse so you are a lucky girl…..now go tell him that! That little donut was never worth all this anyway, right?   Good luck!!

GirlyQ .... very good points, and though I'm not glad you guys go through the same, I'm glad to know i'm not alone. I think the silence after the storm is both golden and my true downfall.

I don't mean to say "that's life". I feel like I've been trying really hard and succeeding at not getting the donuts (or fill in the blank carb) I lust over. When he said I was at my max and I joked about pulling a two-a-day, I thought his response would be to laugh or even roll his eyes... kinda like I was at the time. Not to tell me to go get a donut, or on the flip side that he doesn't care. That one caught me off-guard.

I totally know I was in the wrong by pushing it. I have and will tell him again that I'm sorry for putting him in that position. He's my husband, not my food police. He has been there, literally, just about every step of the way. He's a remarkable man.

I just hope that when we kiss and make up, he understands that I need his support when things are good and when they're bad. When they're good, he's my biggest cheerleader. But when something like this puts a kink in the works, we don't work through it like we should. It just kind of hangs until we pretend like it didn't happen... until it happens again. That's just not a healthy way to deal with these things.

Yeah, I have been thinking a lot about how it's often the Heather show at my house.

I'm trying to be sure he feels loved and appreciated. I can't imagine my life without him, so I try to show him every day that I want him in it. Neither of us are perfect, but we're normally very happy which is another reason this is so hard.

I think the fact that he got int he car to spend 5 minutes together returning a RedBox movie is evidence of the strength of our relationship. 

By the comments here, I can understand how he would want to just be done with the conversation. It appears to be obvious to everyone here. I'm going to work on putting myself in his shoes more often.

I totally thought the same thing about returning the RedBox movie together!! I love little things like that.  You guys sound like you have a great relationship and EVERY great relationship hits a bump every now and then.  I'm sure you will be fine once this passes - sounds like you have a keeper

 Well, I find that with men especially you have to train them to know how to support you. I don’t mean that disrespectfully, but men and women have totally different means of communicating and expressing emotion.

 

I was listening to an NPR station once where a lady gave her hubby an Asperger’s test and found out he did have Asperger’s and one of the things that stuck out to me is that their life got so much better when his wife told him, “sometimes when I tell you about my day I don’t want you to figure out all my problems. I just want you to nod and go ‘wow, that sucks…’"

He didn’t know that. Now I am not saying all men have Asperger’s (snert) but it can be hard to tell what a woman wants out of a conversation.

 

Perhaps it would be prudent to say “hey, sometimes I sound like I’m about to push the envelope. It’s ok to ask if I am serious or joking. If I’m serious, I would love for you to push back a little harder…make me face up to what I’m about to do. If I’m joking, please just understand this is a big change for me and sometimes in order to not go crazy I have to laugh it off. But in the end, we’re a team and I need you!"

 

That way the poor man does not have to decide between getting shot and stepping on a land mine. 

This is why I love you, Nik!

"Perhaps it would be prudent to say “hey, sometimes I sound like I’m about to push the envelope. It’s ok to ask if I am serious or joking. If I’m serious, I would love for you to push back a little harder…make me face up to what I’m about to do. If I’m joking, please just understand this is a big change for me and sometimes in order to not go crazy I have to laugh it off. But in
the end, we’re a team and I need you!"

Mind if I borrow this? 

 Feel free. It still astonishes me that I am brazen enough to give marital advice having never been married myself. :)

But honestly...I tend to think this way. The best initial reaction in a lose-lose situation is to figure out where your footing is. So I personally would just naturally ask "are you being serious or are you joking?"

That helps me to figure out what I'll say next. Sometimes and with some people even that can get you into trouble. But thankfully I am no stranger to conflict. I can give it as good as I can take it. 

Give your hubby a big hug and kiss when you see him. He loves you.

 I can't help thinking of alternative responses he coulda shoulda made. Not much help after the fact.

You--  "But I could do a double workout tomorrow and have a donut now."
Him--  "How about a kiss instead?" *gives you a big, undemanding kiss*
           "How about a neck rub instead?"    *gives you a gentle, undemanding neck rub*

You--   "But I could do a double workout tomorrow and have a donut now."
Him--   "That's one of the many things I love about you. You're such a good problem-solver."

You--   "But I could do a double workout tomorrow and have a donut now."
Him--   "Hey, Eve, you tryin' to tempt me? If you have a donut, I'll have a donut, and I don't want to do a double workout tomorrow. Unlike you, I am a lazy idler."
            "Get thee behind me, evil temptress."  *wards off your powerful female mojo*
            "Donuts suck. If we're going to be bad, let's do something that gives us more bang for our buck."  *wiggles eyebrows suggestively*

(No, as a matter of fact, I am not married. I think it might be these unrealistic expectations.)
            

Oh, Dagne, I needed that.

This has been a very intense day. This thread is really getting down deep to me, not to mention I'm still re-running last night's convo all day.  I broke out into tears (my new birth control partly to blame) right before a meeting and during my aquafit class at lunch! I'm just having so much fun today.

He could have replied differently, and wouldn't that have been oh-so-very Nicholas Sparks of him!

Or better yet, I could have not brough up a donut at all. Then, think of all the Tylenol I could have skipped today and how much work I'd be getting done right now! LOL