Need advice for my daughter and her weight
My daughter was "chubby" as a child she would also eat til she puked then come out and eat some more. I was scared. Thats when I made the change. There is no soda or chips /cookies in the house and when I make dinner she is allowed one plate and if she wants seconds its only veggies. She is now 12 5'4" 120lbs shes a stick. Other moms have asked me how I got her to slim down and I explained she didn't lose weight but she didn't gain when she grew. My 16yr old daughter is 5'4" and 145 but a size 6. She really has to work hard because she has hypothyroidism. I feel bad that she can't eat like the other kids or she will gain weight like crazy. She ate junk food for the first time this weekend in over a yr and she gained 1 lbs even though she was knee boarding etc. I wouldn't make it a big deal but would just make those little changes and you will see a difference.
(deactivated member)
on 6/12/12 7:26 am, edited 6/12/12 7:29 am
on 6/12/12 7:26 am, edited 6/12/12 7:29 am
I have been there, as I was overweight when I was a child, I was tall and had a belly. I was made fun of all through public school, as back then bullying wasn't a big issue, (it was around just as much as it is today just not noticed). As I grew into a teenager I thined out a bit (still with a small belly but thinner because of my height). I never really thought of calories as no one really explained it to me. At that age, when I got home from school I used to eat about 2 -3 bowls (a good size bowl) of cerale...mistake! Well after I was in my 20's I was a security gaurd and just sat all night reading and doing the odd round, that is when my weight ballooned and I ended up where I am today. (my surgery is scheduled for July 19) The best you can do for her is not buy the junk food or sugary cerale. Once in a while is ok as a treat but no more. Explain how calories work and too much...well she won't pay for it now (health wise) but she will when she gets older and is waiting for bariactric surgery to save her life.
My kids are ages 6 and 12 (she turned 12 in may) and she weighs about 71lbs but she is not as tall as the other girls in her class. I think she is under weight but the doctor is not worried. I am very strict in how much and when they can have pop, as in no pop after 6:30pm (ruins sleep with the suger and caffeine) and when they do have pop during the day it is only one can or one cup, but not everyday of course! They may get it maybe once a week, I never buy it or drink it (anymore since I started preparing for surgery and the funny thing is I don't miss it at all!) but my husband does. I should mention that my 6 year old (7 in september) is 45 lbs. Chips are only a special treat as we normally have popcorn that we make with a popcorn blower, that way you can control what is in it. As for fast food well that is VERY special as they might get it about once a month if they are good. Do everything you can to teach her about healthy eating (but don't nag as that may make the problem worse) and the consequences if you don'****ch what you eat. Tell her you are worried and you don't want her to have the same problems that you experienced. If I could go back and change the way I ate and my lack of excersize I would in a heartbeat.
Show her these posts too. I wish you good luck in getting through to her as everyone doesn't want to see her become a member of this site when she is an adult with a BMI of 40 or more.
Remind her that if she can get her eating under control then the odd treat like cake and chips won't hurt, but if she ends up in our boat, after surgery the treats will make you sick and she will most likely never be able to eat them again. I would perfer the other option unfortuanly I cannot go back in time.
Good luck!
My kids are ages 6 and 12 (she turned 12 in may) and she weighs about 71lbs but she is not as tall as the other girls in her class. I think she is under weight but the doctor is not worried. I am very strict in how much and when they can have pop, as in no pop after 6:30pm (ruins sleep with the suger and caffeine) and when they do have pop during the day it is only one can or one cup, but not everyday of course! They may get it maybe once a week, I never buy it or drink it (anymore since I started preparing for surgery and the funny thing is I don't miss it at all!) but my husband does. I should mention that my 6 year old (7 in september) is 45 lbs. Chips are only a special treat as we normally have popcorn that we make with a popcorn blower, that way you can control what is in it. As for fast food well that is VERY special as they might get it about once a month if they are good. Do everything you can to teach her about healthy eating (but don't nag as that may make the problem worse) and the consequences if you don'****ch what you eat. Tell her you are worried and you don't want her to have the same problems that you experienced. If I could go back and change the way I ate and my lack of excersize I would in a heartbeat.
Show her these posts too. I wish you good luck in getting through to her as everyone doesn't want to see her become a member of this site when she is an adult with a BMI of 40 or more.
Remind her that if she can get her eating under control then the odd treat like cake and chips won't hurt, but if she ends up in our boat, after surgery the treats will make you sick and she will most likely never be able to eat them again. I would perfer the other option unfortuanly I cannot go back in time.
Good luck! 
Please don't show her these posts. How emotionally damaging would it be to see your mom talking about your weight problem with all these strangers online?
Please don't tell her if she doesn't get her eating under control she'll have to have WLS and then treats will make her sick and she can never have them again. For one thing, that's very misleading since most people can eat all the sweets they want after WLS (about 30% of RNY patients dump on too much sugar). But beyond that, threatening her with surgery is not a good way to encourage healthy habits.
Please don't tell her if she doesn't get her eating under control she'll have to have WLS and then treats will make her sick and she can never have them again. For one thing, that's very misleading since most people can eat all the sweets they want after WLS (about 30% of RNY patients dump on too much sugar). But beyond that, threatening her with surgery is not a good way to encourage healthy habits.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
(deactivated member)
on 6/12/12 10:59 am
on 6/12/12 10:59 am
It won't be as damaging as all the bullies that will have a hayday about her weight, I have been there I know, as for weight loss surgery if someone explained it to me that young perferably my mom I would of thought twice about what and how much I was eating and may not be in this situation today. And as you said "strangers" we can walk past her on the street and we will not know who she is. But if it was discussed infront of family members that would be embarrassing I do agree to that, but strangers, we have no idea who they are and wouldn't recognize them anywhere. As for the "threatening her with WLS" it is not a threat, it is the truth, something that she can stop at her age and it will never happen, but only if she knows the future consequences of overeating and eating too much of the junk food I really wish I knew what I know now.
We put our kids in bubbles now a days, that is how they get into trouble. Seeing exactly what can happen is a learning experience , it is something like the graphic advertisements about texting and driving, maybe they should see them and then they will know exactly what can happen when you text (or just be distracted) and drive at the same time as long as that person close to driving age that is and not a young child as those advertisments can be quite graphic. But seeing overweight people is nowhere near like that, it is future reality that should be known and not ignored. Sometimes the truth hurts but it's the only way to learn.
All the people i've talked to cannot "eat all the sweets they want" as thier pouch cannot handle the sugar and it gets "dumped out" quite painfully too.
We put our kids in bubbles now a days, that is how they get into trouble. Seeing exactly what can happen is a learning experience , it is something like the graphic advertisements about texting and driving, maybe they should see them and then they will know exactly what can happen when you text (or just be distracted) and drive at the same time as long as that person close to driving age that is and not a young child as those advertisments can be quite graphic. But seeing overweight people is nowhere near like that, it is future reality that should be known and not ignored. Sometimes the truth hurts but it's the only way to learn.
All the people i've talked to cannot "eat all the sweets they want" as thier pouch cannot handle the sugar and it gets "dumped out" quite painfully too.
That's why I didn't even try to.
I will say my daughter is a big girl. You've seen her, Hillery. But guess what? She loves herself. Mostly because I love her unconditionally. She's gorgeous (of course...she comes from ME!) and I don't put conditions on that either. There is no "you'd be so pretty if..." I tell my kids they ARE beautiful.
And my biggest child, ironically enough, is the healthier eater. And the one who is always down to walk with me or even go to the gym or swimming. And she believes in taking care of her body because I've taught her that her body is worthy of care, no matter the size or shape. My child also knows that as a child of God she is made in God's image and is therefore beautiful and divine.
Regardless of whether the child loses her excess weight, I will work to uplift her spirit, not tear her down. There are enough people in the world who will TRY to do that. But as we all can see from her mama's she comes from a stock of woman that does not take that ****
So basically everything that one poster said? I have no words. Except NOT to follow that advice!
I will say my daughter is a big girl. You've seen her, Hillery. But guess what? She loves herself. Mostly because I love her unconditionally. She's gorgeous (of course...she comes from ME!) and I don't put conditions on that either. There is no "you'd be so pretty if..." I tell my kids they ARE beautiful.
And my biggest child, ironically enough, is the healthier eater. And the one who is always down to walk with me or even go to the gym or swimming. And she believes in taking care of her body because I've taught her that her body is worthy of care, no matter the size or shape. My child also knows that as a child of God she is made in God's image and is therefore beautiful and divine.
Regardless of whether the child loses her excess weight, I will work to uplift her spirit, not tear her down. There are enough people in the world who will TRY to do that. But as we all can see from her mama's she comes from a stock of woman that does not take that ****
So basically everything that one poster said? I have no words. Except NOT to follow that advice!
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
It just amazes me that people equate tough love with tearing kids down because it "will make them stronger" and it's better that it "comes from me" rather than a stranger. Just because you nurture a kid and take their mental and emotional growth and well being into consideration doesn't mean you're raising a house full of pansy kids.
Sheesh.....
Any who...there is no guarantee that over weight kids = over weight adults. A good majority of the people here have stated that their weight came on in adulthood...after kids and other things. I'm willing to bet there is a pretty even mixture of people that were overweight kids and those that were normal weight kids. I bring that up because it's important that we teach our kids (ESPECIALLY our daughters) that they are beautiful and deserving no matter their weight. Because a kid that grows up thinking they are unworthy because of their weight will grow into an adult that thinks they are unworthy. And women that think they are unworthy settle for ****ty ass men that mentally, physically, and emotionally abuse and control them. Low self esteem doesn't just manifest itself overnight....it starts with little things like this that are are allowed to fester and grow out of control. Tearing a kid down (especially by family members) farther solidifies that because let's face it, the bullies while horrible don't matter as much as your family because we're taught that family loves us and they would not hurt us on purpose...but that IS hurting a kid and dare i say that hurts WAY WORSE than than some random kids at school. And I truly feel for a kid that's getting that kind of treatment at home in the hopes that it will cause them to loose weight.
So kudos to you Nik cause I know no matter what you girls will have a positive self image.
Sheesh.....
Any who...there is no guarantee that over weight kids = over weight adults. A good majority of the people here have stated that their weight came on in adulthood...after kids and other things. I'm willing to bet there is a pretty even mixture of people that were overweight kids and those that were normal weight kids. I bring that up because it's important that we teach our kids (ESPECIALLY our daughters) that they are beautiful and deserving no matter their weight. Because a kid that grows up thinking they are unworthy because of their weight will grow into an adult that thinks they are unworthy. And women that think they are unworthy settle for ****ty ass men that mentally, physically, and emotionally abuse and control them. Low self esteem doesn't just manifest itself overnight....it starts with little things like this that are are allowed to fester and grow out of control. Tearing a kid down (especially by family members) farther solidifies that because let's face it, the bullies while horrible don't matter as much as your family because we're taught that family loves us and they would not hurt us on purpose...but that IS hurting a kid and dare i say that hurts WAY WORSE than than some random kids at school. And I truly feel for a kid that's getting that kind of treatment at home in the hopes that it will cause them to loose weight.
So kudos to you Nik cause I know no matter what you girls will have a positive self image.
HW & SW: 363 Surgery date: 8/22/11 
And let's bully our kids about their weight since somehow that will be less damaging than the bullying they might face in school? Um, how does that even make sense?
I feel really sorry for some children.
I feel really sorry for some children.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
(deactivated member)
on 6/13/12 4:47 am, edited 6/13/12 4:54 am
on 6/13/12 4:47 am, edited 6/13/12 4:54 am
First I think you are all misunderstanding of what I am trying to say...NOT tearing kids down at all!! Teaching them about calories that they exsit and the consequenses of never watching what you eat ever. I'd like to know where I said to "bully the kids". It is all about information not bullying, or tearing them down whatsoever. It IS about making healthy choices some kids think that they can eat something because it is avaliable to them, they do not realize too much of a good thing can harm them in the end. But once in a while it is ok. There is defidently no gaurentee that they will become overweight adults but the chances are much higher then if they were not overweight as kids.
My kids have seen the nutrition lables, they are no where near overweight, exactly the oppsite I have a hard time getting food into them but they still need to understand what calories, sodium and carbs are as most kids do not and also have not even heard of it until it is taught at school (even then they still don't completly understand). Bully about weight? How does teaching them actually bully them? You don't go around calling them names OMG who would do that?! Where are you all getting this from? All kids and people are beautiful no matter what someone looks like, if we all looked the same this world would be a very boring place, and I tell my kids that all the time to never judge someone by their looks what matters is personallity not looks! They are going to see me go through surgery so they already know about it and how I got this way, how is that bullying?
I'd like to apoligise if I didn't write it corretly and made it sound like "Bullying" as that is no where near what I am trying to say. Have an informative talk about food and lables and why it is important to choose wisely and what can happen in the future if you just eat what you want all the time. I am very much against bullying especially since I have lived through it personally to the point of faking sickness so I could stay home from school.
Again I apoligise if that is what it sounds like because that is defidently not what I am trying to say.
My kids have seen the nutrition lables, they are no where near overweight, exactly the oppsite I have a hard time getting food into them but they still need to understand what calories, sodium and carbs are as most kids do not and also have not even heard of it until it is taught at school (even then they still don't completly understand). Bully about weight? How does teaching them actually bully them? You don't go around calling them names OMG who would do that?! Where are you all getting this from? All kids and people are beautiful no matter what someone looks like, if we all looked the same this world would be a very boring place, and I tell my kids that all the time to never judge someone by their looks what matters is personallity not looks! They are going to see me go through surgery so they already know about it and how I got this way, how is that bullying?
I'd like to apoligise if I didn't write it corretly and made it sound like "Bullying" as that is no where near what I am trying to say. Have an informative talk about food and lables and why it is important to choose wisely and what can happen in the future if you just eat what you want all the time. I am very much against bullying especially since I have lived through it personally to the point of faking sickness so I could stay home from school.
Again I apoligise if that is what it sounds like because that is defidently not what I am trying to say.
As someone who weighed 175 when I was 12, there are several factors to consider. I definitely agree with leading by example, so all of those healthy habits you're working on can be transferred to her. Second, the threat of diabetes doesn't really register because she's 12, IMO. Third, the idea of losing weight for a new wardrobe sounds awesome, but you don't want that to spiral into unhealthy habits. It's a very fine line, and she is on the cusp of puberty, so her body will be changing tremendously. How tall is she? Does she have a naturally athletic physique or does she have a little chubs? All things to consider. Good luck, and remember health is the most important focus. 
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