To all the Drama Queens out there in OH land
As for being offended by others' posts - I think folks ought to recognize the intent and value that. If someone tells me to suck it up and deal with it, I can assume they are being deliberately offensive because they don't like me, or I can assume they are dealing out some tough love because they believe in me. My choice. I like to pick the latter because it makes me happier.
Very good post. Since I been a member, I would read once in a while something like this..not often..and good to see it. I have been more of a reader than a poster this past 12 months..but trying to get time to post more. So true to your expression of words about situations, just like the title..has "help" is this site.. support is what its all about. Thank you for the post 
TAMMY
~Failure is not trying~ Success is not given, but earned~
SW: 283lbs/HW: 287lbs/current 168lbs/NEWGOAL: 155lbs
Living with PCOS/Fibromyalgia/Arthritis/MultipleSpinal-Hip Injuries/conditions
Hysterectomy 02/06/2012
I have to say that only two times I was a bit put off by a comment. One I felt was criticizing my choice of the type of WLS that I chose; because she felt I was way to fat for RNY and that I should look into something else. Then I realized maybe she thought since I was new that I never did any research and I let it go. The next time, the person thought I was "confused" about how people who get RNY lose weight (basically she said "we had the surgery"and the weight just comes off)...I think I took offense to this because "I" didn't make myself clear in my post. So I have decided that I really don't think people post comments to be some sort of snob, or to be rude or mean. I think just some people are a bit more sensitive to how they take responses. I have to say some days I can take the "Brenda, suck it up....." and other days that would make me cry my eyes out (depending on the time of the month)I think if everyone remembers that people on here don't know you.....they are just offering advise/guidance/support and what worked for them or sharing info they got....I agree.....what does your doc say is probably where ALL of us should be asking questions; but sometimes we might not think about it when we are there. Also my GF did RNY at the beginning of April & let me tell you (SHE GOT barely any information; she didn't have to attend support groups, nothing.....she relies on others to help her!) Glad I didn't go there!! So sometimes the advise to ask your doc is not all that helpful to some. Try to keep that in mind. I appreciate all of the info I read on here and I do take it to my doc or my nut and we discuss it. SO thanks for all!!! Love OH and the family here!
(deactivated member)
on 6/20/12 1:45 pm - WA
on 6/20/12 1:45 pm - WA
The housewives husband said it best.
SAY WHAT YOU MEAN BUT DON'T SAY IT MEAN
SAY WHAT YOU MEAN BUT DON'T SAY IT MEAN
The biggest problem there is that this is not the "normal" mode of communication. When you speak with someone, there's not only inflection and tone, there's body language involved as part of the communication. Ultimately we have to decide how we will take ALL remarks. Since there is probably one post in one hundred where a person is being DELIBERATELY MEAN (and this is an overexageration, I think it's fewer) .... if you decide that everyone *****spodns "means well" even if it comes over all pompous, or offensive, or mean, or ugly or sweet, or warm'n'fuzzy.... then you'll get a lot more out of this site.
Too many people decide that someone is being mean, then several decide it, and it frankly doesn't make sense for ANYone to decide the intention behind the post. If you decide it's mean, and react accordingly, you're presuming to understand the other person's motives and intentions. But there's no way to win that argument. You can't PROVE someone meant to be mean, you can't even say your interpretation is true with one or one hundred different people agreeing. You will never KNOW or DECIDE what a person's intention was through a committee. Since it is impossible for me to know if someone is being deliberately offensive, for SURE, I just opt to believe they meant what they said kindly, even if it is delivered in a manner I don't llike.
Too many people take gentle and kind-seeming posts and just out and out decide that the person is being mean and that is the end of it as far as they are concerned. They get all worked up, their blood pressure shoots through the roof, their pulse accelerates, and this is all internal. This has nothing to do with the other person.
I've actually had four or five occasions where I've come on and seen a lively thread, read through the original post, felt a serious sense of empathy with the OP. Then I see some "not so gentle" responses and I think, "I see where everyone is coming from, but this person really needs a gentle supportive post to show them how cool a place OH is" ....then I respond, thoughtfully, carefullly, rereading my zillion words (I've never been known to be concise if I could say it with a thousand extra words instead)... and finally, when I feel that my post has really conveyed my gentleness of nature, and my empathy, and my support, I send it on. About four or five times after I've specifically made an effort to do all of this, I've returned to the post later, in hopes that the person has seen my response and is bouyed up by it.... only to find that of the dozen or so scathing replies, the only one the person reacts negatively to is the one I made. Now I don't always re-read and second guess what I write, but for some people it just seems to make sense to try to be as diplomatic as possible. but when those efforts are either ignored or responded to with flames and pitchforks, it doesn't exactly encouraage the sort of time that kind of post merits.
So in short.... believe everyone is nice, even if they don't say it the way you want or do what you want. Believe they are nice, and move on with your day. It's that or believe they are mean. You won't haev proof either way, but one takes more out of you than the other.
Too many people decide that someone is being mean, then several decide it, and it frankly doesn't make sense for ANYone to decide the intention behind the post. If you decide it's mean, and react accordingly, you're presuming to understand the other person's motives and intentions. But there's no way to win that argument. You can't PROVE someone meant to be mean, you can't even say your interpretation is true with one or one hundred different people agreeing. You will never KNOW or DECIDE what a person's intention was through a committee. Since it is impossible for me to know if someone is being deliberately offensive, for SURE, I just opt to believe they meant what they said kindly, even if it is delivered in a manner I don't llike.
Too many people take gentle and kind-seeming posts and just out and out decide that the person is being mean and that is the end of it as far as they are concerned. They get all worked up, their blood pressure shoots through the roof, their pulse accelerates, and this is all internal. This has nothing to do with the other person.
I've actually had four or five occasions where I've come on and seen a lively thread, read through the original post, felt a serious sense of empathy with the OP. Then I see some "not so gentle" responses and I think, "I see where everyone is coming from, but this person really needs a gentle supportive post to show them how cool a place OH is" ....then I respond, thoughtfully, carefullly, rereading my zillion words (I've never been known to be concise if I could say it with a thousand extra words instead)... and finally, when I feel that my post has really conveyed my gentleness of nature, and my empathy, and my support, I send it on. About four or five times after I've specifically made an effort to do all of this, I've returned to the post later, in hopes that the person has seen my response and is bouyed up by it.... only to find that of the dozen or so scathing replies, the only one the person reacts negatively to is the one I made. Now I don't always re-read and second guess what I write, but for some people it just seems to make sense to try to be as diplomatic as possible. but when those efforts are either ignored or responded to with flames and pitchforks, it doesn't exactly encouraage the sort of time that kind of post merits.
So in short.... believe everyone is nice, even if they don't say it the way you want or do what you want. Believe they are nice, and move on with your day. It's that or believe they are mean. You won't haev proof either way, but one takes more out of you than the other.
~Lady Lithia~ 200 lbs lost!
March 9, 2011 - Coccygectomy!
I chased my dreams, and my dreams, they caught me!
Thank you,
That was a very good point that needed to be made. I can say that coming from personal experience of not really wanting to hear something in a way it was said to me. But I quickly learned, with the help of others on here and my husband, that I was being over-sensitive and needed to understand that sometimes people need to hear things like that. Sometimes we need a "slap in the face". The comment that was made to me, has helped me get over my stall, start taking my vitamins and eating my protein. Like I was told I was going to have to do in pre-op. In hindsight I can say I needed that harsh comment probably more than I needed the nice reminders.
Everyone can make excuses but we need to realize they are just that and bottom line is we are most likely being lazy. We made a HUGE decision to get healthy and I doubt anyone out there was told to not take vitamins or not eat protein. I know my book was a decent size and my friend got a huge 3-ring binder when she had hers.
So we all need to realize that everyone here just wants to be supportive and help and sometimes we need to be "slapped in the face" to wake us up and get with our program.
That was a very good point that needed to be made. I can say that coming from personal experience of not really wanting to hear something in a way it was said to me. But I quickly learned, with the help of others on here and my husband, that I was being over-sensitive and needed to understand that sometimes people need to hear things like that. Sometimes we need a "slap in the face". The comment that was made to me, has helped me get over my stall, start taking my vitamins and eating my protein. Like I was told I was going to have to do in pre-op. In hindsight I can say I needed that harsh comment probably more than I needed the nice reminders.
Everyone can make excuses but we need to realize they are just that and bottom line is we are most likely being lazy. We made a HUGE decision to get healthy and I doubt anyone out there was told to not take vitamins or not eat protein. I know my book was a decent size and my friend got a huge 3-ring binder when she had hers.
So we all need to realize that everyone here just wants to be supportive and help and sometimes we need to be "slapped in the face" to wake us up and get with our program.
Tanya
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