Emotions and "helpful" advice from "friends"

 Well here I sit trying to convine myself that my feeling are normal and just to take a deep breath and calm down. Everything I know I SHOULD be doing! The problem is, I am at that point before surgery where I am excited and happy and the future seems just with in reach, but I am nervous and scared too. I have three kids and a very loving husband. Is this surgery selfish? What is something goes wrong, is it better to be fat than to risk not being here? Then I get sad and scared and want to start eating... I mean eating things I don't even like..like chips. I havn't over indulged or done anything like binge, but I just seem to now be having all these emotions with food and life.

That brings me to the helpful advise. I have two friends who have surgery and they were both over the other night. My Dr requires a two week pre op all liquid diet, then of course the 2 week post op liquid diet. My friend began telling me how aweful the diet was and about how he was in tears wanting food before and how miserable he was. Said to eat as much of my favorite foods as possible before the diet and that I was going to be sad and angry all the time while on it... that of course scared me even more. I told him to stop trying to make me think this was awful and he said he just doesnt want to lie to me like people lied to him telling him it wasn't too bad. 

I don't know if I am looking for advice or just to vent. I just know that right now, today I am scared of messing things up, doing something wrong before/after and what the future is. I have one week before I start my liquid diet and 3 weeks until my surgery. 

I never understand "friends" who do this ... It's like women telling scary pregnancy and birth stories to pregnant women - WTF are they thinking? I don't get what their purpose is in telling you this without giving you the support to go with it...

I didn't have to do a pre-op diet but did have to do liquids after - was it fun? No! Did I think it was the worst thing ever? No! It's a couple of weeks. It's not the best thing in the world but you just have to suck it up! I don't think moaning or complaining about it makes it or you feel any better about it - just get on with it!

This is a personal journey, with different phases, different challenges for each of us. I read posts every day and wonder what someone is talking about because what someone will think is the worst thing ever was barely a blip on my radar and probably vice versa.

If you have your head on straight and realise that this may not ALWAYS be easy and that there will be times when it's hard but you STILL have to suck it up - nothing will come up to surprise you.

I knew when I got on that operating table that this might be difficult at times, but was prepared for it and never complained ... I would do it all again tomorrow if I had to - it really wasn't THAT bad to get where I am now ...

Your friend was exaggerating. The liquid diet really isn't bad. I rather enjoyed eating jello and popsicles for two weeks. lol.

Your fear is normal and totally understandable, but know this--if it means making you healthy it is 100% okay to be selfish. So many of us, women especially, tend to put everyone else before ourselves and then we feel guilty for wanting to do something for ourselves. Don't feel guilty. You are not in anyway in the wrong for wanting this.

There is always some risk when it comes to surgery, but you are also putting  yourself at risk by being obese. Don't you want to live long enough to see your kids grow up and have kids of their own? If so, put your mind at ease because this surgery will make you healthier and extend your life(if you do it right).

Keep your head up and don't let others scare you away from improving your life. Good luck.

~Sara

 If her friend is a food addict the diet may well have been the worst part for him. Also, the way he sounds focused on his craving issues makes me think he may have head hunger issues he's dealing with now. 

Just saying we all have different experiences even though we have the same procedures, if only because it's happening to "us".

:) 

  Your friend might have a different perspective on food than you. Don't assume what he recalls as the worst part of the experience will be the same as yours... Many people come out not really having any negative remarks one way or the other.  

Also, if you have a favorite food that you'll be unable to tolerate for a while after surgery, you'll miss it the same wether you gorge on it before diet or not. So my advice is do what you feel comfy with. If you want a farewell spagetti dinner w/ tiramisu befor your diet starts then do it. But you'll still " miss it" later, it won't make the desire anymore or less.

Its nice to have friends to commiserate the experience with, but you'll make your own journey and your feelings about the encounters you have along the way will be unique to your understanding. I honestly think your friend just wants you to help and may be telling you the things he wishes he had been told before surgery.

If it makes you angry share it with him, he may not be aware of your feelings. Also, he's a little removed from his own surgery, he may not recall his pre surgery feelings as clearly as his post surgery cravings. Lol.

GL!


 

 First off, being obese has a high risk of death with complications arising from it.   So any surgery has risk but the benefits outweigh the risk..   Your children and husband will be very happy to have a healthy mother around who can keep up with them and be around to see there children someday.   So as far as requirements go,  It took me 8 months of jumping through hoops to get the surgery and yes , I was very uncomfortable for a week or so... I was not happy about the prediet or after diet either but you know what,,,,,I have lost 40 lbs in 7 weeks and that makes me happy and I feel better already.  So yes you need to come to terms with the head hunger and whats causing it and use the surgery to make your life much healthier.......

 My surgery is scheduled for July 11th. I have 2 little girls and a loving husband and have similar feelings to you.  I was to be on the liquid diet for 4 weeks prior to surgery.  I have one more week to go.  With that being said...it has not been easy.  I've had to fight off those brain urges to eat.  I have not been 100% the whole time but am in the zone now.  

You just try to be confident in your decision.  You are doing something that is not easy but will result in you feeling great, living longer with your family.  Positive thoughts = positive results.  It's work - it's not easy - but has to be worth it! 

It's possible that liquid prep was the worst thing for your friend because he had never restricted himself before the diet, or didn't understand his own deeply emotional attachment to eating. That does not mean that it will be the worst thing for you. I did not mind my Pre- op diet. It made me feel kinda clean and sane and finally on the journey. The first few days were rough because you tend to get headachy and have low energy, but once you've detoxed many of us find it OK.

Don't let anyone freak you out. If they are giving you scary doomsday "advice" then ask them to stop, take a deep breath, and take your own council.

Best of luck....

 My husband said the same thing. He feels like my friend had such a hard time with it because he went from his regular diet into his liquid diet overnight with no changes. 
I have tried to make changes as best I could. I threw out all of my caffinated coffee and tea and all sodas in my house. Started making everything from scratch and started a garden to make eating my vegies more fun. Our family as a whole has been doing big changes and I have been trying hard to practice the 30 rules. 

I know being a happier mom is what my kids need. I don't have any medical conditions right now other than being overweight. That is why I am doing this, so that I don't end up with any medical conditions. I guess I just let the what if's get to me too much this week. 

I lost my dad to cancer two months ago so I think  mortality is just there in the back of my head still. Watching our family grieve for him over the past couple of months scared me. I don't want to be the cause of my children going through that again. But I guess we can't really control those types of things anyway. 

I know there is head hunger, and for the most part I have been doing pretty good at controlling my issues with it. I hate that I have let myself delevop such a relationship with food and emotions. 

Thank you all for taking the time to send me your thoughts. I think people on the outisde have perspective we can't always see.