Why did WLS make you more assertive?
Nik,
That is so funny , I would not allow my daughters to have barbies either !! It must have been "a thing" when your mom and I were raising kids. I didn't want my daughter's to think they were going to grow up and look like her or HAD to look like her. Although my twin daughter's who had bypass DO look like her , especially the one who had the boob job
That is so funny , I would not allow my daughters to have barbies either !! It must have been "a thing" when your mom and I were raising kids. I didn't want my daughter's to think they were going to grow up and look like her or HAD to look like her. Although my twin daughter's who had bypass DO look like her , especially the one who had the boob job
Donna Q. --5'8" -60 years old
Band 2005
hw320 sw276 lw with band 195 gw 160-180?
Bypass 4/4/2012
pre sw 258 lw RNY 162 cw 203
I think what I always found odd about Barbie is that she had all the positive aspects of the life of a modern woman without any of the consequences.
There was no "accidentally pregnant" or "pregnancy scare" Barbie. No "going to the clinic to get that shot" Barbie. No "psycho derranged because Ken never called her after a night of intense lovemaking" Barbie.
And even as a child I knew these were parts of a modern woman's life (we had cable and I was unsupervised a lot). So to me it all seemed very phony. I am inherently distrustful of situations that seem all happy with absolutely no problems or hardship.
There was no "accidentally pregnant" or "pregnancy scare" Barbie. No "going to the clinic to get that shot" Barbie. No "psycho derranged because Ken never called her after a night of intense lovemaking" Barbie.
And even as a child I knew these were parts of a modern woman's life (we had cable and I was unsupervised a lot). So to me it all seemed very phony. I am inherently distrustful of situations that seem all happy with absolutely no problems or hardship.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
I've had lots of coworkers, family and a few friends say they never really noticed how large I was until I started loosing weight...because they never focused on my weight.
I really like this because in many ways it epitomizes my world. I knew I was GOOD at what I did, and that if anyone wanted to define me, they should define me by my accomplishments and by who I am on the outside. And because I had a great sense of self-worth, most people saw beyond the weight and focused in on the self-worth that I owned and proclaimed.
The majority of people who see a photo of me at my largest -- and who KNEW me at my largest -- can't REMEMBER that I was ever that large. Even hubby when he sees me looking at a photo of myself fat and he'll say, "who is that" and when I say "that's me," he says, 'No! You were never that large!" He didn't value me based on my weight or size, he valued me for who I was inside, and -- perhaps more importantly, he valued me for how much I valued myself.
I really like this because in many ways it epitomizes my world. I knew I was GOOD at what I did, and that if anyone wanted to define me, they should define me by my accomplishments and by who I am on the outside. And because I had a great sense of self-worth, most people saw beyond the weight and focused in on the self-worth that I owned and proclaimed.
The majority of people who see a photo of me at my largest -- and who KNEW me at my largest -- can't REMEMBER that I was ever that large. Even hubby when he sees me looking at a photo of myself fat and he'll say, "who is that" and when I say "that's me," he says, 'No! You were never that large!" He didn't value me based on my weight or size, he valued me for who I was inside, and -- perhaps more importantly, he valued me for how much I valued myself.
~Lady Lithia~ 200 lbs lost!
March 9, 2011 - Coccygectomy!
I chased my dreams, and my dreams, they caught me!
Oh GOODIE!!! I was having this conversation with my husband this last weekend. I was telling him how I had always thought that people get more assertive after WLS because their confidence is high and they are ****y. This was my prior belief. I am starting to see myself getting more assertive and I have discovered the reason for this, in myself at least, is I can't just mask my feelings with food anymore. I have to FEEL my feelings and COPE with my feelings even if it means hurting someones feelings. I would use food as a coping mechanism and now I can't do that anymore. I have to face it head on!
HW: 292 lbs. GW:160 lbs. Dream Weight: 140 lbs.
This one is difficult to express, but let me try.
I have always been assertive and friendly, I have a good intellect, and have done well in my profession.
But.
At 247 lbs. my professional credibility was diminished. It came up again and again in the types of assignments given to co-workers, response to ideas, and lack of "kudos" for strong job performance. It may be true that this was simply part of that organization, or leadership, or whatever. In the end, losing weight changed my self-image to the degree that I no longer wanted to work in that environment. Previously, I was (silently) afraid that I would not be well received in an interview setting.
I've always been fairly confident, but that job experience shook my professional confidence badly. Things happened there and were said there that have taken me years to get over...still working on it in fact.
My assertiveness in social settings comes across in the form of being more outgoing, more willing to attend social functions and mingle, and in general more confident of acceptance by others. Again, I hate to say it, but the level of acceptance for a morbidly obese woman is less than that of a more normal sized person.
I have always been assertive and friendly, I have a good intellect, and have done well in my profession.
But.
At 247 lbs. my professional credibility was diminished. It came up again and again in the types of assignments given to co-workers, response to ideas, and lack of "kudos" for strong job performance. It may be true that this was simply part of that organization, or leadership, or whatever. In the end, losing weight changed my self-image to the degree that I no longer wanted to work in that environment. Previously, I was (silently) afraid that I would not be well received in an interview setting.
I've always been fairly confident, but that job experience shook my professional confidence badly. Things happened there and were said there that have taken me years to get over...still working on it in fact.
My assertiveness in social settings comes across in the form of being more outgoing, more willing to attend social functions and mingle, and in general more confident of acceptance by others. Again, I hate to say it, but the level of acceptance for a morbidly obese woman is less than that of a more normal sized person.
I had a LOT of personal self worth as a large person. I was very assertive when it came to something I knew I was good at. So assertiveness wasn't really an aspect of my PROFESSIONAL lfie that changed.
However, I have become more -- MUCH more -- assertive when it comes to my health issues.
Prior to looking into WLS I didn't want to see a doctor (well, okay, prior to having my current super-awesome PCP).... doctors never seemed to LISTEN to my woes, ALWAYS seemed to blame them on my being fat, and were always ASSUMING that I had issues that just weren't in evidence. My prior PCP's PA was a truly wicked witch, and it was because of her that I switched to my current PCP. She had a disgusted-at-fat-people attitude when she saw me. She let that attitude slip out in the open from the first instant I met her. She immediately lectured me that I was pre-diabetic and had hypertension (and my blood pressure was barely elevated at my highest weight, and I was never in danger of being pre-diabetic based on the blood tests she ran) She even had me do exotic tests for blocked arteries based on her assumption that I would have issues due to obesity (sonograms of my carotid arteries to see if they were blocked when in fact they were super healthy)... and she even prescribed me blood pressure meds because one day I was aalmost in an accident driving to the doctor's office and they saw me right away. (I was still shaking). She made it harder to get llife insurance, and more expensive because she'd prescribed meds for conditions I didn't have. I did not get assertive with her, but I hated how she made me feel like I was worthless.
My current doc is a total gem. The first time I saw him, he said, "I'm sure you know that you'll be healthier if you lose weight by increasing exercise and modifying your diet, but I'm a realist, and I know that you might not lose much weight in that way, so let's discuss why you're here." And he proceeded to listen to what I had to say about my health and he was very HUMAN about it, caring and he gave me respect as a Human that entered his office, rather than a FAT PERSON. That began my course to self-improvement and assertiveness about my health.
Coming to OH and discussing health issues ... both for fat people and for all people, helped me to be an active participant in my health care. The more I learned, the less I put up with from doctors other than my PCP. Having invested so much time into the hoops necessary to get WLS, made me a LOT more assertive. Suddenly this thing that carries around my mind, my body, was important to me in a way it wasn't before. Prior to WLS I considered my brain the only important thing about my whole body, because the rest certainly didn't have any redeeming qualities. But once I started to look into the whole WLS thing, it made sense to care for every part and piece of a body that -- regardless of my feeling that it wasn't all that worthwhile -- DOES have to carry my brain around with it, and my brain is subject to the overall health of its container.
So yeah, I became VERY assertive about my health. I read up on things, and I have intelligent conversations with doctors and if they're condescending to me, I assert myself, and if they don't have any respect for my lively intelligence and layman knowlege of my body, then they don't deserve to be my doctor.
I've also noticed that while I haven't changed in my professional life, those few individuals who didn't value me as a professional due to a deep flaw in their character (fat-phobias, or simple prejudism).... they value my opinion as a thin person unlike the way they dismissed me out of hand as a fat person. Conversely, when I realize that they only value me as a thin person, and didn't as a fat person, I value them as professionals lesss, because a professional should NOT judge a person's professional ability based on their weight (in teaching, I guess in modling that might be acceptable differentiation)
However, I have become more -- MUCH more -- assertive when it comes to my health issues.
Prior to looking into WLS I didn't want to see a doctor (well, okay, prior to having my current super-awesome PCP).... doctors never seemed to LISTEN to my woes, ALWAYS seemed to blame them on my being fat, and were always ASSUMING that I had issues that just weren't in evidence. My prior PCP's PA was a truly wicked witch, and it was because of her that I switched to my current PCP. She had a disgusted-at-fat-people attitude when she saw me. She let that attitude slip out in the open from the first instant I met her. She immediately lectured me that I was pre-diabetic and had hypertension (and my blood pressure was barely elevated at my highest weight, and I was never in danger of being pre-diabetic based on the blood tests she ran) She even had me do exotic tests for blocked arteries based on her assumption that I would have issues due to obesity (sonograms of my carotid arteries to see if they were blocked when in fact they were super healthy)... and she even prescribed me blood pressure meds because one day I was aalmost in an accident driving to the doctor's office and they saw me right away. (I was still shaking). She made it harder to get llife insurance, and more expensive because she'd prescribed meds for conditions I didn't have. I did not get assertive with her, but I hated how she made me feel like I was worthless.
My current doc is a total gem. The first time I saw him, he said, "I'm sure you know that you'll be healthier if you lose weight by increasing exercise and modifying your diet, but I'm a realist, and I know that you might not lose much weight in that way, so let's discuss why you're here." And he proceeded to listen to what I had to say about my health and he was very HUMAN about it, caring and he gave me respect as a Human that entered his office, rather than a FAT PERSON. That began my course to self-improvement and assertiveness about my health.
Coming to OH and discussing health issues ... both for fat people and for all people, helped me to be an active participant in my health care. The more I learned, the less I put up with from doctors other than my PCP. Having invested so much time into the hoops necessary to get WLS, made me a LOT more assertive. Suddenly this thing that carries around my mind, my body, was important to me in a way it wasn't before. Prior to WLS I considered my brain the only important thing about my whole body, because the rest certainly didn't have any redeeming qualities. But once I started to look into the whole WLS thing, it made sense to care for every part and piece of a body that -- regardless of my feeling that it wasn't all that worthwhile -- DOES have to carry my brain around with it, and my brain is subject to the overall health of its container.
So yeah, I became VERY assertive about my health. I read up on things, and I have intelligent conversations with doctors and if they're condescending to me, I assert myself, and if they don't have any respect for my lively intelligence and layman knowlege of my body, then they don't deserve to be my doctor.
I've also noticed that while I haven't changed in my professional life, those few individuals who didn't value me as a professional due to a deep flaw in their character (fat-phobias, or simple prejudism).... they value my opinion as a thin person unlike the way they dismissed me out of hand as a fat person. Conversely, when I realize that they only value me as a thin person, and didn't as a fat person, I value them as professionals lesss, because a professional should NOT judge a person's professional ability based on their weight (in teaching, I guess in modling that might be acceptable differentiation)
~Lady Lithia~ 200 lbs lost!
March 9, 2011 - Coccygectomy!
I chased my dreams, and my dreams, they caught me!
I was always aware that my size made me stand out. I wanted to blend in and maybe even disappear most days.
I didn't want people looking at me and GOD forbid someone pulled the FAT card during an argument - this was my biggest fear.
I grew up with an extremely superficial mother who called my sister "mi Flaca" which translates to my skinny girl and called me "Gordy" - Fat Girl.
I always took care of them and not myself. Now that i am taking care of myself - I get criticized regualrly. Especially if they want to go out to eat and I tell them I am not going because it would be a waste ( they even called me cheap because I didnt want to pay to sit at a buffet). They look at my success as a temporary thing and my mom bets on me getting fat again so that I can come back home and care for her. YES, she is quite selfish!
My life is different now and I care about me and what goes into my body. Because I care so much - I am passionate about me and I wont let anyone get in the way of my success.
I didn't want people looking at me and GOD forbid someone pulled the FAT card during an argument - this was my biggest fear.
I grew up with an extremely superficial mother who called my sister "mi Flaca" which translates to my skinny girl and called me "Gordy" - Fat Girl.
I always took care of them and not myself. Now that i am taking care of myself - I get criticized regualrly. Especially if they want to go out to eat and I tell them I am not going because it would be a waste ( they even called me cheap because I didnt want to pay to sit at a buffet). They look at my success as a temporary thing and my mom bets on me getting fat again so that I can come back home and care for her. YES, she is quite selfish!
My life is different now and I care about me and what goes into my body. Because I care so much - I am passionate about me and I wont let anyone get in the way of my success.
To be tested is good. The Challenged life may be the best Therapist - Gail Shea
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