Losing fat friends
I just sent out an email to a bunch of people letting them know I'll be in the hospital for a few days. One of my friends emailed back, asking what I was having done. I told her the truth, and now haven't heard from her. LOL She and I were the "Yo Fat" ones in our circle. She's had a slew of health issues for a while now (we're both 34--my major problems have been anemia, depression), and she's done NOTHING to resolve them. She is pre-diabetic, if not full-blown diabetic, has pressure cuffs for her legs for circulation problems, high blood pressure, and so on.
I'm of the mindset that I HAD to do something about my health, you know? I know not everyone can go through this process, and make the necessary changes, but at some point you've got to take responsibility for your health. Oh well...
I'm of the mindset that I HAD to do something about my health, you know? I know not everyone can go through this process, and make the necessary changes, but at some point you've got to take responsibility for your health. Oh well...
From my experiance (so far) my weight loss has been motivation for my friends. Most have lost a significant amount of weight through diet and exercise, others have come to us (my hubby and I both had RNY) to ask questions about gastric bypass. We just met with a friend last night to answer his questions. I feel like were paying it forward and helping those around us.
I hope your friend comes around!
I hope your friend comes around!
It will happen.
I found out who my real friends were immediately post op. I had a tough recovery and half those b!^*#*s didn't even call to ask me how I was doing muchless help out. Instant (dead) weight loss. It was hurtful, sure. I really thought they were real friends and I had treated them as such. One of them, when I called her out on her lack of being a friend to me, actually told me she just "lost" her phone the week of my surgery. Right, even if that were true, you gonna tell me no one else you know has a phone? Your work doesn't even have a phone? Puhlease. One just called to ask me if I wasn't going to hang out with her anymore since I was "getting skinny." You've GOT to be JOKING.
Who are these people?!
I still have big friends but there's sometimes conflicts of interest. They want to go to a buffet and all I think is, $20 for a few bites I can't even take home? I'll pass. Then again, I have some skinny friends who're extremely athletic and will backpack through the mountains for days and while I love hiking, I'm going home when it gets dark.
I found out who my real friends were immediately post op. I had a tough recovery and half those b!^*#*s didn't even call to ask me how I was doing muchless help out. Instant (dead) weight loss. It was hurtful, sure. I really thought they were real friends and I had treated them as such. One of them, when I called her out on her lack of being a friend to me, actually told me she just "lost" her phone the week of my surgery. Right, even if that were true, you gonna tell me no one else you know has a phone? Your work doesn't even have a phone? Puhlease. One just called to ask me if I wasn't going to hang out with her anymore since I was "getting skinny." You've GOT to be JOKING.
Who are these people?! I still have big friends but there's sometimes conflicts of interest. They want to go to a buffet and all I think is, $20 for a few bites I can't even take home? I'll pass. Then again, I have some skinny friends who're extremely athletic and will backpack through the mountains for days and while I love hiking, I'm going home when it gets dark.
Well, she may need time to "digest" that information. The surgery not only affects us, but
affects those around us, too. Since she is heavy too, she may be wondering how on Earth
this is going to change your friendship. She may be wondering how or if you will change.
She may feel like she's going to be left behind (although that would be her own doing).
Give her time and don't assume that she has an issue with it. AND...most importantly,
remember that not everyone can do this (like you said). She may not be ready to do
anything about her weight. You were ready, obviously. She may never be ready to change
her lifestyle. Just continue to be you, be her friend and treat her the same as you always have.. After all, there's nothing worse than someone who quits something and then gets on those
who haven't quit, yet.
affects those around us, too. Since she is heavy too, she may be wondering how on Earth
this is going to change your friendship. She may be wondering how or if you will change.
She may feel like she's going to be left behind (although that would be her own doing).
Give her time and don't assume that she has an issue with it. AND...most importantly,
remember that not everyone can do this (like you said). She may not be ready to do
anything about her weight. You were ready, obviously. She may never be ready to change
her lifestyle. Just continue to be you, be her friend and treat her the same as you always have.. After all, there's nothing worse than someone who quits something and then gets on those
who haven't quit, yet.
Surgery: 5/9/12 HW: 302 SW: 287.6 CW: 158
Beautifully said. You said exactly what I was trying to say, only better. :)
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Check out my video blog! www.youtube.com/user/HappilyShrinking/videos
Highest weight: 269. Surgery weight: 233. Goal weight: 144, and then we'll see..
Check out my video blog! www.youtube.com/user/HappilyShrinking/videos
Highest weight: 269. Surgery weight: 233. Goal weight: 144, and then we'll see..
Hi. Remember just like you are going Thur changes in your food relationship this friendship is also going to change to some extent.She may surprise you.
I have sat back before and withdrawn from friends and family
that were bettering them selves for many different reasons. and the reasons I did it usually NEVER had anything to do with any one but me. Me and my fears or lack of believing in myself.
During this whole journey we have to remember to breath give our selves time for adjusting AND to allow those around us to also.
Good luck with surgury. We will be waiting on the losers bench!
I have sat back before and withdrawn from friends and family
that were bettering them selves for many different reasons. and the reasons I did it usually NEVER had anything to do with any one but me. Me and my fears or lack of believing in myself.During this whole journey we have to remember to breath give our selves time for adjusting AND to allow those around us to also.
Good luck with surgury. We will be waiting on the losers bench!
May We All be Blessed and Valued
marty
To the best of my knowledge, I have not lost any of my heavier friends. In fact, most of my friends almost seem to have forgotten I've had it done. I don't talk about it much.
BUT, there are some friends who almost seem to get defensive about it occasionally. I've heard comments like, "See, that's why I could never have surgery--I like to eat!" Yeah well...I like to eat too. It's sort of the reason I became obese, y'know.
Anyway, you did the right thing by telling your friend. It might be a shock for her on several levels. She's probably processing the fact that she didn't know about it until now, weighing the risks of losing her friend to complications, losing her friend to lifestyle changes, losing her comrade in the fat war, and yes, even losing her comfortable blanket of not being the only one, and is now facing the prospect of watching you get thin and reduce your medical issues while she...well, doesn't.
It's a lot to process, so give her time. But make sure to reach out and make her feel comfortable knowing you're not going anywhere.
Hopefully, she'll be the friend who will be inspired and considerate about your journey. But if she's not, then you don't need friends who will drag you down.
BUT, there are some friends who almost seem to get defensive about it occasionally. I've heard comments like, "See, that's why I could never have surgery--I like to eat!" Yeah well...I like to eat too. It's sort of the reason I became obese, y'know.
Anyway, you did the right thing by telling your friend. It might be a shock for her on several levels. She's probably processing the fact that she didn't know about it until now, weighing the risks of losing her friend to complications, losing her friend to lifestyle changes, losing her comrade in the fat war, and yes, even losing her comfortable blanket of not being the only one, and is now facing the prospect of watching you get thin and reduce your medical issues while she...well, doesn't.
It's a lot to process, so give her time. But make sure to reach out and make her feel comfortable knowing you're not going anywhere.
Hopefully, she'll be the friend who will be inspired and considerate about your journey. But if she's not, then you don't need friends who will drag you down.
_._._._._. _._._._._. _._._._._. _._._._._. _._._._._. _._._._._. _._._._._. _._._._._.
Check out my video blog! www.youtube.com/user/HappilyShrinking/videos
Highest weight: 269. Surgery weight: 233. Goal weight: 144, and then we'll see..
Check out my video blog! www.youtube.com/user/HappilyShrinking/videos
Highest weight: 269. Surgery weight: 233. Goal weight: 144, and then we'll see..
Great responses to this post!
Sounds like your friend is feeling the "food buddy withdrawls" If she is a friend you "went out to eat with" she will most likely feel weird about you not doing this with her. Time to form better things to do with her (If she's willing).
I would share your successes with her, though. It may make her think about her own health issues. You are right...Don't push though, it is a personal choice and some are not willing to really take it seriously. The choice to do WLS is a very serious one. It is a lifelong commitment and some are not willing to do that.
I can see this happening with some of my friends that "going out to eat" was what we did! If they are friends,we will find other things to do together.
Wish you the best. I am proud of you for taking the step to a healthier you! Congrats and good luck on your journey.
Bren
Sounds like your friend is feeling the "food buddy withdrawls" If she is a friend you "went out to eat with" she will most likely feel weird about you not doing this with her. Time to form better things to do with her (If she's willing).
I would share your successes with her, though. It may make her think about her own health issues. You are right...Don't push though, it is a personal choice and some are not willing to really take it seriously. The choice to do WLS is a very serious one. It is a lifelong commitment and some are not willing to do that.
I can see this happening with some of my friends that "going out to eat" was what we did! If they are friends,we will find other things to do together.
Wish you the best. I am proud of you for taking the step to a healthier you! Congrats and good luck on your journey.
Bren
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