Some Musings As I Approach A Milestone

This month is 10 years since my first WLS and just over 2 years since my revision. I can tell you that there hasn't been a day in the last 10 years that WLS hasn't impacted my life in one way or another, some good, some bad.  I couldn't tell you the percentage of good vs bad because it constantly changes.  I just know that I have forever altered the way my body works and it will never be the same as it was on Oct. 27, 2002.   In the long run I am not sorry I had WLS, I just wish I knew some things that I didn't know at the time and I wish I had done some things differently but I have a saying "I had to go where I went and do what I did to get where I am at.  I am neither proud nor ashamed, I am just me now." I did do a lot of research at the time I had my first WLS but then, as now, that research was colored by my hopes, dreams and expectations.  I believed what I wanted to believe and who I wanted to believe.  I ignored what I didn't like.  And I paid for it.  And I would probably do the same thing again under the same cir****tances. I hope now that my eyes are open, at least more so then before.  I understand completely what it means when they say this surgery is a tool, one I have to choose to use in order for it to be effective.  But I am also starting to see that it still works as a tool even when I am not putting effort into it.  Even when I want to eat more I find I cannot do so without feeling or getting sick.  I don't have a choice in that matter.  Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I didn't put any effort into it at all, if I just ate how I thought I wanted, what would happen.  Right now I have structure.  I plan out my meals, what I will eat, how  much and when.  I wonder what would happen if I didn't do that, if I lived my life as I used to, eating whenever the desire struck me.  My guess is that I would probably put on a lot of weight and I would probably be sick a good deal of time.  I really don't want to experiment to find out. The point is, in having WLS I have given up a lot of personal freedom and/or gained a lot of control, depending on my point of view on any given day.  A lot of it depends on my perspective and attitude.  On a good day I am happy to have control over my eating issues.  On a bad day I resent not having the ability to eat what I want, when I want.  I mean, I do have the choice realistically but not without consequences, consequences that I am unwilling to deal with at this time. I had a friend who used to say that you can do whatever you want in life as long as you are willing to pay the price tags.  You can rob a bank if you are willing to go to jail for it.  You can eat what you want as long as you are willing to gain the weight and/or get sick.  I haven't given up my free will.  I have just chosen to use that free will to make healthier choices.

Congrats, LT. I know some of us have said we wished we had WLS sooner, but I  think you are right on the money when you say, "I had to go where I went and do what I did to get where I am at.  I am neither proud nor ashamed, I am just me now."

I know now I had wls when I was finally ready for it, which wasn't nearly as soon as I wanted it. I don't know about you, but I frequently have to learn things the hard way.

Good on you for putting your process out there. Keep on keeping on.

 Excellent ramblings there.The permanence of the surgery is something I go back and forth with. It's what keeps the weight off but I still have to be mindful.
Thanks for all your postings. I appreciate them.
Deb T.

What insightful thoughts!!! It makes me feel better knowing others have similar thoughts regarding some of our restrictions. Thank you for sharing!