A Big Milestone XPost

Ten years ago today I allowed myself to be wheeled into an OR and have my body surgically and permanently altered in the hope of forever defeating the obesity that has cursed me since I was about 12 years old.  I have no doubts about why I became obese.  I am a compulsive overeater.  I have been obsessed with food and eating since I could remember.  I am addicted to refined carbs, sugar and gluten.  And the more I ate of those things the more I wanted.

In 2002 I became morbidly obese for the first time.  The only reason it took so long is because for the previous 25 years or so I had been on the roller coaster diet road.  I would lose a great deal of weight and be normal sized because I would give up the refined carbs.  Then after a period of time I would convince myself that I would be able to handle them moderately.  I never could.  I honestly can't count how many times I lost and gained 50+ or more.  People never knew what to expect when they saw me.  I could be thin one year and the next time I saw them I was over 200 lbs.  I gained weight very quickly after I lost it.  My last time I weighed 150 lbs in January, 2009 and by January, 2010 I weighed 220 lbs.  And this was nearly 8 years after my first WLS.

I failed my first WLS because I never made any changes to the way I ate.  I thought, mistakenly of course, that having WLS would cure my obesity.  I heard what I wanted to hear and believed what I wanted to believe and when I heard people talk about not craving carbs any more and being made into a normal person I wanted to believe that would happen to me, too.

I lost 120 lbs originally and kept it off for, oh, about 20 minutes and it started coming back on.  Slowly at first.  I attributed it to bounce back when I reached 135 lbs.  I kept thinking that it was going to level out any minute but it didn't.  Of course it didn't occur to me that I might have to make some kind of sacrifices in order to maintain my weight.  I thought I would never have to diet again.  After all, didn't everyone say they lost XX amount of weight "forever"?

After several years I finally figured out that I would have to cut out the carbs in order to lose weight and keep it off.  The problem was, I was left with a sleeve that was way too large and I never experienced any restriction and I was always hungry.  I did manage to cut out the carbs and lose weight.  I got down to 150 lbs and couldn't lose another ounce.  I was fine with it.  I looked normal and was eating pretty well even though I was always hungry.  In Dec. 2008 something snapped and I started eating whatever I wanted and in no time I was packing the pounds back on.

I thought my WLS had failed me until I realized that when I was eating right I lost weight and kept it off.  It wasn't the surgery that failed, it was me that failed.  Not a hard thing to accept since I had failed every other weight loss attempt I ever made.  Around this time I also became very sick.  I was extremely fatigued and couldn't function.  I went days without dressing or showering.  I was too tired.  I became extremely apathetic.  I just didn't care about anything.  It took me a year to figure out that I could be deficient in vitamins.  I always took multivits but I wa**** or miss with the others and the surgery I had was very malabsorbent and I just didn't take care of myself.  I was also suffering from constant diarrhea and gas and bloating.  I was miserable.  I finally went back to my surgeon and begged for a reversal.  I was told a reversal wasn't possible but I could be revised so I would absorb more.

I had the revision over 2 years ago and this time I decided not to squander my opportunity and to actually follow directions.  It didn't hurt that for the first time I have restriction.  I can now experience satisfaction after eating instead of either extreme hunger or extreme fullness.

I know I am skimming over a lot but I feel like I have told my story so many times that I am sick of it.  The bottom line is that since July 23, 2010 I have avoided sugar and wheat.  I am happier about that then I am any weight loss.   I have maintained my weight for over a year and that is pretty new to me, too, but I am very grateful that I am no longer practicing my addiction to food.  I do credit the surgery for giving me a tool to help me avoid overeating and for the negative reinforcement I get when I eat sugar.  I found out I dumped by accident and I wasn't really unhappy about that.  It is not something I would voluntarily do so I have extra incentive to avoid things with sugar.

I consider myself very lucky in that I have had a pretty easy maintenance so far.  As long as I remain sugar free and gluten free I eat pretty much what I want, which fortunately isn't much since I avoid those things that cause me to have cravings.  I liken it to being a recovering alcoholic, which I am also.  As long as I accept that I can't handle any amount of those things I don't want them.  It's when I start trying to rationalize "just a taste" that I can find myself in trouble.  Like they say, one is too many and a thousand isn't enough.

Now for the mandatory before/after pics.

This is what I looked like right before my first surgery.

This was taken last month.

What a great story! you have done a wonderful job and no doubt are healthier today than before. I am 4 years post RNY and am trying to learn NOT to eat sugar, It makes my blood sugar drop and it feels awful and then I have to eat more to level things out. I will do it though, just looking at my mom and how she struggles at 350 plus pounds with diabetes and all that follows helps keep me in check. Having surgery does not make us perfect but I have learned so much on this jpurney.

Thank you for your inspiration.

Lady, I've always enjoyed your posts and am wishing you a very happy anniversary.  You've gone on a long journey to discovery and it looks like you've found the end of your rainbow.  May it always be sunny for you.  You deserve it!

Congratulations!!! The WLS is a tool for us to use-but, it is up to us to use that tool right.

My surgery RNY- will be around the end of December or early January from what I am hearing from my Team. I am a diabetic and so I watch my Carbs and do not use any sugar-only sugar free and I will continue on with that after the surgery as well. 

April 2012 at my Team's weigh in I started with 288.0  -this recent weigh in was 261.8. So, my 5% weight loss pre-surgery is done.

Carol

Thank you for sharing!  What a great story and accomplishment...you look great. 

Janet

Thank you for posting your story. In many ways it sounds like me. I have come to the same conclusion as you. WLS is not magic and in my opinion people who think they can eat anything they want are fooling themselves. I am not going to get into it again, but just let me say that I read about people here all the time that, again in MY opinion, are rationalizing about what they should eat and are going to find themselves in the same boat.

I have done my best to take the same things out of my daily diet as you have. Not that I will NEVER have them, but as a daily routine they are no longer things I am going to eat. To think we will never have to manage our weight again is a false hope but some seem to have reached their goal and start eating much as they did before and the result is that they have a weight gain back again and are in trouble and depressed.

Your story is very encouraging and I for one appreciate it.

Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for a reminder that we are greatly responsible for the outcome.

I also need to avoid sugars (even fruits) and grains.  When I do - I eat when I am hungry and only enough to make me comfortable. 

I do have to remember to eat to take vitamins. Bunch of vitamins. If i don't eat right 0 or not enough - I may get too hungry and then have a tendency to overeat - something that post op RNY - can be really painful or at least uncomfortable.

The surgery will help - but we need to do the work, and be aware that a small slip-ups when they are repeated over and over may cause significant weight gain.