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You just hit on why I won't fail this surgery and why I hold myself to a very high standard, because my insurance through my company did pay, over 30k for my rny, I don't want anyone to feel the insurance money was wasted on me and I didn't appreciate the opportunity to improve my health and change my life.  In our world everyone loves a freebie, I don't believe in freebies, I work hard and pay my fair share, I do support my son because I don't believe the system should support him.  When I signed up for parenthood it was for life, if my son needs my help then I will help him and not expect the government too.  Sadly our society has really low standards, where welfare isn't a source of shame as it was when I was a kid, there is a have a few more kids get a bigger check mentality.  If you cannot afford to support your children by yourself you should not have them or as many.  Period.

People will say it over and over: Life isn't fair. Alas, as much as I wi**** was, I know it is not.

You obviously know your friend much, much better than I do, but there are legitimate reasons that people end up in such situations. Getting a job right now is very difficult. Employers are very nervous about incurring the costs associated with hiring new employees, because realistically, the economy is still not in great shape. It doesn't help that our representatives (and I speak of those on *both* sides of the aisle) refuse to work together to pass necessary legislation. The sequester alone has shown me this--I work at a library, but I'm on Capitol Hill, and a whole lot of people have been laid off or furloughed around here. The problems we face today make it difficult to afford adequate education, transportation, or healthcare necessary to be a person who can contribute to the workplace.

Now, your friend may have none of those problems. She may have some, and she honestly might be hiding them from you. People don't like to talk about financial or employment struggles. Our society tends to shame people we deem as freeloaders, when in reality there are a lot of people who could use some help. And this even extends to how we treat stay at home parents--whether one chooses to be a SAHP or is forced to because they cannot afford childcare, they are working just as hard as those of us who commute to and from an office every day.

My point in all of this is that there may be things that she isn't telling you because she's embarrassed. That, and I doubt that the low or no cost insurance she receives as an unemployed individual is going to cover the significant costs associated with WLS. When I lived in MA, I looked into it because I was a struggling college student, and it's a skeletal plan at best. The only reason that it is even offered is because MA had an insurance requirement long before the Affordable Healthcare Act.

Don't judge your friend too harshly. She may indeed be as lazy and lucky as you think, but it's unlikely. Everybody has problems, everybody has things they keep intensely private, and she may have a lot of struggles through her WLS journey. You, as a post-op, know that this is not an easy road. If she is your friend, then be there for her. If you think of her so negatively, then you must ask yourself why you continue to keep this person in your life.

Sorry for going on so long! We just had our annual benefits meeting at work and healthcare is at the forefront of my brain.

Please, vent away! I do understand your frustration (see below), I was partially trying to offer different perspectives to try and understand your friend's justifications for her chosen lifestyle. I'm surprised that she is indeed getting it paid for entirely! She is very fortunate, as you say.

The "life isn't fair" thing was more commiseration than anything, but I see that it came off as me being disgruntled with your post--and that was not the case, so I apologize.

Your friend reminds me of a close relative, and unfortunately her choices affect her child. It's very sad. The little one is three, but is developmentally far behind where she should be. And it is all because the mother does not wish to make the effort. She doesn't feel like taking her to speech or physical therapy, and would rather spend her time acting like an irresponsible 16 year old (disappears with her friends until all hours of the night). When she does bother to be at home, she feeds her CRAP like boxed mac and cheese or fast food, and puts her to bed early without even reading to her or anything. But she gets away with it because she lives with her mother, step-dad, and our grandmother. She knows that none of those people would allow her little girl to suffer, so she pawns off her parenting duties.

It is hard to give someone like that the benefit of the doubt when sit-down after sit-down after intervention after threat...etc. doesn't get her to care or make an effort. She has no desire to ever move out and has said that she couldn't imagine ever living on her own. So, in a sense, I have a similar frustration to your own. I want her to have a better life, but she doesn't want it for herself. She had WLS 2 years after I did, and keeps asking why she can't maintain. Well, when you are too lazy to exercise and you spend your weeks pounding beers with your friends, that's what happens! I told her that I exercise every day and still log my food, and she tells me "Oh, well I don't have time to do that." Really?

Fortunately, we are not responsible for these people! And thank heaven for that, because there is no way I could tolerate someone who is only interested in the quick fix and instant gratification. And rest assured that hard work always pays off in some shape or form. I imagine you have a much greater sense of accomplishment and overall satisfaction than she, and maybe that can make you feel a little better.

This post is probably going to end up as a political debate if it hasn't already.  I'm not reading comments until after I post.

I get it and it ticks me off too.  Why because I also bust my ass to support myself and my family.....I DON't expect anyone to provide for us....it's MY responsibility as a citizen and a parent to do that.

I absolutely have no problem helping those in need.  There are people that need help occasionally when down on their luck but this situation SEEMS to be an entitlement issue......why work when OTHERS will carry me whether it's family, or the US citizens that pay taxes out of our asses to support those that don't want to help themselves. 

Can't blame you for feeling the way you do, my blood boils when I read or see those able to help themselves not do so because they are too lazy to work.

If it brings you a little comfort my insurance (although excellent at the time) had a WLS exclusion so I paid 100% cost of my self-pay cost....yeah life doesn't seem fair but it is what it is even when we do get frustrated.  I have ZERO regret paying the money and do believe paying that type of money out has somewhat given me additional drive to not lose control and regain weight.

Amen, cajungirl!  And now something like 47% of the nation is entitled!  It is as if we have fallen through the "looking glass".  What was right is now wrong, what was up is now down.  What a totally different country than the one we grew up in, yes, I sound like an old fogey and proud of it and of my country!  But something is so wrong now... craziness!

It does seem unfair.  Especially since you are working and have to make payments on your surgery.  You can be happy for her and her surgery, but still be annoyed at her cir****tances.  I have a friend that constantly tells me what I should do with my money and thinks she is a financial guru - however, her parents are wealthy and bought her a house, paid for her surgery, paid for her wedding, paid for her child's adoption, paid for her child's prepaid college fund, etc.  These are all things I have to pay for myself and it infuriates me when she makes financial comments.  I don't feel that she even has the right to have an opinion!  However, I am probably a little bit jealous that things come so easy for her.   My husband and I wouldn't even consider taking money like that from our parents - even if they had it. 

I completely agree with poster and it angers me that Medicaid and other government subsidized programs are abused or there is not a stricter screening process to be eligible.

Your friend sitting around and doing nothing with her life will keep her dependent and in my opinion, never truly be her own person while in such a situation. Skills, communication abilities, broadened perspective...all these things cannot be achieved when a person has no ambition. She is doing more harm to herself in the long run.

I know it is incredibly hard to see people who willingly do not do anything with their lives or work receive free healthcare and benefits. I think it is a huge injustice to mankind as a whole. Resources should never be wasted.

Keep working for what you want and need. You will inspire others and contribute to a more positive society!

I live in Massachusetts and own a business here and it is true: if you live here and don't work, you get free health insurance.  It's called "Commonwealth Care".  But it's not free, everyone else who is working pays for it.  You also get cash payments called "transitional assistance" that go into a sort of bank account with a debit card called an "EBT card" (electronic benefits transfer).  It is a cash card you can use at stores and even ATMs.  You also can get free housing, a free cell phone and some people even get car money, gas money and free automobile maintenance.  If you don't work, the Department of Unemployment Assistance will also pay for you to go to school, all of it on the working taxpayer's dime.

In addition, I pay $1800 a month for traditional family health insurance from Blue Cross Blue Shield.  The cost has gone up 40% with RomneyCare (the Mass insurance mandate) and with ObamaCare's requirement that kids be allowed on their parent's insurance plans until they are 26, at no extra cost to them.  The extra cost goes to me and I am sick of it.

It is all VERY, VERY unfair.  There are people streaming into this state to get these benefits, drawn by their allure.  My wife and I have plans to leave Massachusetts as soon as it is practicable for us.

If you want to not work and get free stuff from the government, come to Massachusetts now, before everyone who is footing the bill gets sick of it and leaves.