OT- My family does not accept my step children (children). Kind of long

I jus needed to get this off my shoulders somewhere. I have been married 2 tiems and this is my husband's 3rd marriage. We have been together 8 years and married 6 years. His family accepted me and my daughter with open arms. My daughter was their grandchild, neice, cousin even if she wasn't my husband's biological child. My family on the otehr hand had a hard time accepting my husband.When we were first dating my mom and dad would not speak to him. He wasn't allowed at the home. I finally put my foot down and told them if they didn't accept him then I would no longer be in contact with them. I have noticed over the years how they treat my step children. I address them as my step children here , but they are my kids and I love them all the same. We raise as kids as brother and sister. That is what they call each other. I adopted our oldest son. he is my husband's biological son. We have 2 daughters and a son. My parents do not even treat my daughter like they treat my twin sister's kids. My parents have 14 grand children and only treat 2 of them like a gran parent should. My daughter will make honor roll at her school and they might give her a gist for doing so well but my other kids make honor roll also. They get nothing. 9 of their granchildren live within 20 mintues of them and they are only close to 2 of them. My son turned 18 a couple of weeks ago. We had a little family get together for him. I invited my mom and dad only to get a call right before we were to meet saying that they weren't coming. They didn't even give me a reason. I have 3 sisters and one brother and I am the only one that calls them everyday to check on them and to see if they need anything. I am close to one of my older sisters. she understands this situation because she is going through the same thing. And she has a blended family also. My older sister and my twin live close to me. M oldest sister and my brother live out of state. My twin and her husband also don't treat my family very kind either. well, it's more her husband than her though. THis is just very hurtful and disappointing to me. I don't know what to do or say. I do know this, when my kids get older and they have kids of their own I will love my grand kids with all my heart. I will treat them all the same even if they are my blood or not!!!

It is unfortunate that your family isn't more accepting of your children; however, you cannot change them. I would keep things cordial but casual. They are unlikely to change. You have a right to be upset but that won' t alter their behavior. If you children ask, you might simply say that their grandparents were invited(if they were) buy that they couldn't attend. Don't get your children caught between warring factions. Kids are obsevant; they will see that one family isn't very close to them.
In an ideal world families would be healthy, close, and supportive. But that sometimes isn't the case.
Take care.

My mom can sometimes be that way with my kids and these are biological not step! However my sister's kids seem to do no wrong. When my mom lived 30 minutes from me she visited my sister's kids 565 miles away more than my kids. You can't do anything about it. I would like my kids to have a better relationship with their grandparents but they seem to be doing okay without it and I believe my mom is worse off for being that way. It's her loss. My wife and I will hopefully remember this and when we have grand kids we will be better. Her parents were pretty good but very far away and now both are passed away. 

Dont drive yourself nuts trying to fix it.

*nods head* my mom is like that too.

My mom was like that too.  My sister's kids got all the attention, my daughter practically none.  What it ultimately came down to was her differing feelings for my sister and for me.  My sister had always been the "golden child" and apparently that carried over to her children as well.  It really hurt.  But my daughter did just fine without much of her grandmother's attention - she had never known it so didn't expect or miss it.  Her grandmother on her dad's side was so loving and caring, I guess that helped too.  Kids pretty much accept the status quo when they are young, but they do figure things out when they are older.  I was careful never to draw my daughter into this mess.  Funny thing.....when my mom got older and needed a great deal of help, guess who was there for her?  Not my sister, the golden child, nor her children.  It was me and my daughter.  I have no regrets that I did this - I can at least have an easy mind that I did all that I could to help make my mother's final years comfortable.  I would suggest that you just leave things to work out as they will.  Your parents are only depriving themselves of the precious love of their grandchildren and are only hurting themselves.  Your kids will figure out what's what.  The love and kindness that you and your husband's family show them will be more than enough to ensure they are happy, well adjusted adults.

I feel you on the issue with your sister being the "golden child" . They do the same thing with my sister and to her kids. And everytime they need something, they call me. I love helping people out but they are missing out on some great kids. My daughter's real dad, well. his mom and dad live about 30 minutes away and they are at everything of hers. She plays softball. They drive from where they live to come see her play. My mom and dad live vloser and have yet to come to one of her games. My son is about to graduate and the probably won't be at that either. But it's ok. I still love them and have decided to do what you have said. I'm not going to draw attention to it because it will only make my kids feel bad. They have plenty of other people who take time up with them. They are very loved by others in my husband's family.

I'm so glad that your daughter's grandparents on her father's side are active in her life, it does mean a lot to kids to have that special bond.  And to me it's just mind boggling that the other grandparents (like my mom) just don't seem to realize... or care....what they're missing.

 

My older brother was by my mother's first husband. All the other children were by my father. There was also a big age gap between us all. There was and always has been some friction/ resentment. I can only say I only wi**** were not so.

All I can offer you is pray about it and find what works. Try not to burn bridges, but don't keep your hand in the fire if your getting burned. 

I never knew my brother as well as I wanted to. He died of cancer just a little over a year ago. Hope things get better for you and your family. Maybe you can try some activity that gets you all together.

 

I've had a similar situation except it's my in-laws not being fair to my daughter. I've even considered divorce. I have no good advice but I wish you the best.

Time to kick them to the curb...  Love your kids, Take care of your kids, and enjoy your husbands family... Seems like you have tried many things.. Time to move on.. I'm sure it's painful but in the long run it's their loss.. You sound like you have a great family of your own... Less stress is ALWAYS the best medicine..