Friendships after surgery..

I guess that the biggest problem is that people don't understand what we go through, not really. Sometimes they even try but they don't know how it feels everytime you want to do something and can't because you are too heavy. And because of that they don't understand why we had to have the surgery, and the simplest answer is that we want to look good. For them that makes sense. I've been having some similar problems and my therapist said that to me and it really opened my eyes. They are oblivious to our problems so, if they really are good friends maybe you can seat them down and explain to them how their comments are making you feel. Good luck!

People can be boneheads. I'm having issues with some family. Fortunately my friends have been amazing but sometimes you gotta free yourself from those who hold you back from being better and that's ok. Doesn't mean friendships have to end but they can't stay the same when jealousy hinders the ability to be supportive. My best friend had RNY 4 years ago. I was so jealous but I wrote a letter to her insurance company on her behalf, explaining how this surgery would improve the quality of her life and I paid attention to all that she went through,both with the approval process and afterward and now 4 years later, it's my turn and i've had to call on her many time over the past week to reassure me when I have not a clue if what I'm feeling is normal or not. Our experiences have been very different but we support each other. Sounds like your friends have some growing up to do. This is your gift, don't let anyone rain on it. 

Funny I was the bad one when my bbf had it done 11 yrs ago. Not because I was jealous because I was the smallest but terrified that something would happen to her! And indeed she had a rough go at 1st but did well. One friend thats a 25 yr veteran now told her I was jealous but I could of had surgery then also but didn't want it. Nope just worried and then I gained about 175 lbs and she regained from stress eating and right now we are the same size and she knows she felt better smaller but I know I'd never say anything to hurt her .she told me You are gonna make me have to lose this weight! My aunts heavy and it won't be long before I catch up to her and she said I need to get back to ww and get this wejght down and seems like I triggered a weight loss event among more family and friends! The only thing I did say was on fb and to warn all my younger family and friends to get it off now because the older you get the harder it gets ---61 here---before they had to resort to surgery and it wasn't easy and it was a life time deal.you have to decide if its worth saving the friendship or if you need to let if go. Make the effort and see what happens but a little advice dont talk about your surgery or weight loss not unless she ask then be brief! --i need to remember this myself at times--People come in and out of our lives for reasons. Sometimes for a season and then for lifetimes! Just have to make the effort to find out which is your friendship ..

Sorry this has happened to you. I have not had the experiences you shared.

I have been extremely lucky with having amazing support from both my family and friends. I have one of my best friends getting the surgery done on Wednesday and it has not been as lucky for her. Her parents are very indifferent to the whole thing and her sister has been down right nasty. She has told her repeatedly that she is taking the easy way out and that she could do it with diet and exercise if she just tried. If her sister was paying attention at all she would have seen that my friend has been trying the diet and exercise route for almost 3 years now but can't seem to keep it off. Her health is in jeopardy. Her diabetes is out of control and her blood pressure is at dangerous levels. The surgery is the best option for her. She is a single mom in the truest sense there is because the dad is not in the picture at all and the only support she has is the few friends she can count on because her family is not there for her at all. I'm terrified that if she doesn't do something soon her kids will be orphans. I think her sister is extremely jealous and that she won't allow herself to see the bigger picture beyond the fact that my friend will be skinnier. She's not seeing the health benefits to all of this. Unfortunately to many people only see the superficial part of this surgery. They don't realize that it truly saves lives. I think when we encounter people like this we all need to remember the true reasons we had the surgery and decide if it is worth it to allow the people acting this way to continue on in our lives. We have all taken the steps to get control of both our health and our lives and toxic people are part of that process.