The story behind the comments

I was talking in my office with a coworker and friend - usual work stuff.  But as she turned to leave, she turned back around and said "You're done right?"  I was confused at first, thought she meant with work (like I am EVER done with that), so she clarified, "With the weight loss, your done right?  You look done, you need to stop."  Now, admittedly, this ruffled me a little bit and I started to get pissed off - but I paused. 

You see, this is a very good friend.  Someone who has been supportive through the whole process, in fact she was the first person outside my family I told I was going to do this.  And, she is not the best communicator sometimes, especially when it is something that is emotionally charged.  After some further discussion, I learn that her father-in-law had RNY decades ago, and though he lost the weight, he did not take care of himself nutritionally - and eventually wasted away and died from complications of his malnutrition and alcoholism. Hmmm...

I get very irritated and defensive when people seem to be trying to sabotage my success - but maybe I should take a step back and consider their reasons for doing what they do and saying what they say.  Things are not always what they seem at first glance.

Except for my mother-in-law, she truly is a food-pushing saboteur

There were people who were worried about me because they knew people who were sick after weight loss surgery.  I believe that we have better resources and information than people did years ago.

While the big weight loss is probably over for you, you will still maintain and even drop some more weight over the next year or so.  At some point most people also deal with bounceback regain.  Reassure your friend that you are working with your doctor to make sure you are healthy.  Also tell her that many people have a regain and that you need to lose enough weight to allow a cushion for that to happen.

You are fortunate to have this good friend and I am sure she only wants you to be healthy.

You are so right.  There is always more to every story than what we see.  Took me a while to realize that all thin people are not automatically, magically happy, with fantastic marriages and jobs.  Like someone says here, phychiatric hospitals are full of thin people.

I had someone ask me the other day if I was "done" too.  Man, I'm only half way there!  But I took it as a compliment that I look so much better than I did.  I don't think they meant anything bad by it.

Speaking of saboteurs, I spent the weekend visiting my mom, who is notorious for pushing food.  The first one I've encountered since surgery.  I found it so easy to resist her offerings.  Much easier than I resist myself when I am alone!  After all, I am my own worst saboteur, if I'm not careful.  And I know she only does it out of habit, and wanting to share the good.  Not all saboteurs have malicious intent, sometimes they are just dumb, or forgetful.

~Barbara

Edited to add:

Well,  I guess if they have no malicious intent, then they really aren't saboteurs, just "pushers"....

Great post!

I work in a college, with a lot of very young kids...one of my co-workers (that also works with youth in conflict with the law) told me about a workshop he went to where the main theme was "What don't you know?". Now, this was in regards to kids/young adults with behaviour issues, etc. But, I truly believe that we can live by these words in our everyday life....if someone has said or done something that has upset you or doesn't make sense....instead of getting angry, maybe we should try thinking...what don't we know? Get the back story, if possible.

In your case, your friend is probably worried and scared for your health based on her experience. It could have just been someone being a jerk, but, the whole point is, don't jump to conclusions, lol! If you find out they are just being jerk, then handle it in whatever way to see fit :) But, you might just find out other, more reasonable reasons why someone says or does something that upsets you or you find rude.

Please note, when I say "you" I just mean people in general, not you specifically :)

She was just being thoughtful.I am sure she was scared when you decided to have the surgery.It is funny how you know people and you don't know their entire story.

This is where I would say I leave that in gods hands.  OMG I have to use that on someone, I wish someone would ask me a stupid question just so I can say that out loud.  I doubt I could without laughing.

I had RNY in 2002 and my parents told me several times that I'd lost enough.  Well, I'm scheduled for revision on March 20.  I've already told them that I don't care how thin I get, I don't want to hear that I've lost enough this time around.  Just hearing those words gave me permission to be naughty and eat things I knew I shouldn't.  Lesson learned for me and for them too, I hope.