TERRIBLE 1st date post-surgery...any advice?

Hi OH Friends,

Last night, at nearly 10 weeks post-op, I had my first first date (my bf and I broke up right after surgery).  

Granted, the guy wasn't the best person (for example, we had an argument about if men should open doors for women and his stance was "you all want equality, so why should I open the door" while my stance was "we would like equal pay for the same job done, but you are still welcome to be chivalrous").  But when I showed up for the date, he was halfway through a beer.  In my previous life I would have ordered a drink.  However, obviously I have cut out alcohol.  So the waitress asked me for my order, and I said, "I am ok with water right now".  When she left, I said to my date, "I'm not drinking right now.  I've been working out and really watching my calories, and drinking is just really empty calories".  His response, "I could NEVER date someone who doesn't drink!".  Ummm, okkkkk...

Then he was hungry so he ordered a Greek appetizer plate.  He pressured me to have some so I had two bites of hummus, three slices of cucumber, and maybe four small olives.  He ate all of the pita bread squares and the rest of the food.

I felt a bit like a freak!  I have been very open with family/friends/colleagues about my surgery, but I am not telling someone on a first date about it.  How have any of you coped with going on a date, NOT drinking, and then eating like a mouse?  

And yes, I know if he were a good guy he wouldn't have made me feel like a freak, and obviously I am not going to see him again.  But I guess I don't know what dating is like without alcohol.  Isn't that terrible?  LOL

Em

P.S. Oh, and the only positive is that after we left the bar we ended up walking around the city for a bit (since he is new to DC) and I made my 10,000 steps!  Woot!

P.S. Oh, and the only positive is that after we left the bar we ended up walking around the city for a bit (since he is new to DC) and I made my 10,000 steps!  Woot!

Silver lining! 

I haven't had to deal with dating post-op since I'm married, but I did an awkward Thanksgiving dinner. My neighbors, who hosted, know I had surgery, but they were still surprised at how little I ate and my neighbor's boyfriend balked when I refused seconds. It was like I was breaking a sacred Thanksgiving tradition by only having one ( gasp! The horror! ) serving....haha. 

You do start to see who are the "food pushers" in your life, right?  LOL

And yes, at least I got my steps in!!!  The only good part of the date!  HA!

were they Polish?  WE FEED PEOPLE...to a point of explosion.. 

Or Latina? Food is love to us :)

Or Southern...food = love!

Maybe don't plan to go to a bar or out to dinner for a first date.  Go out dancing, or go for a walk in a park, or meet at Starbucks for coffee (that's my favorite place for a first meet, I get a skinny vanilla latte - and if the guy ends up not showing up, I still get Starbucks).  Meet at a bookstore and browse.  Meet at the animal shelter and volunteer to take a couple dogs for a walk.

I'm not sure where you met this guy, but I've done the online dating thing a bit.  Ask questions before deciding to go out on a first date.  Ask if they drink and if they say yes and they couldn't date someone that doesn't, then don't go out with them.  I don't like smoking.  It bothers me.  A lot.  So I started asking people I was thinking of meeting up with if they are smokers.

All good ideas, Kelly!  I have always met someone for a drink for a first date, but clearly I have to change that.  And there is no smoking allowed in bars and while I wouldn't discriminate against smokers, I don't seek them out.  I have never heard of someone saying "I would not date someone who doesn't drink!".  But there's a first time for everything :)

There is a second hand smoking - can also increase chances of ulcers.. 

I would not date a smoker.. . 

(I used to smoke but now I find the smell of smoke, and the smoker breath is just very offending to me..) 

Respectfully, it sounds like you both made some poor choices of behavior and conversation, and you both share responsibility for how it made you feel and how the date turned out.  My advice is to avoid activities that you cannot do.  You wouldn't go on a date at a water park if you couldn't swim so don't go out to dinner if you can't eat.

I also humbly submit that while you may not have intended it, your comments on alcohol and working out could easily come across as offensive to someone who was enjoying a drink.  Similarly, if you got onto the topic of chivalry and gender roles because he didn't hold the door for you and you called him out, that was probably not a nice thing either.