TERRIBLE 1st date post-surgery...any advice?
When I was doing online dating, I always met at Starbucks for a quick meeting. Never longer than an hour. If we clicked and there was going to be a second date, we would do something else another day.
Edited to add, I never told anyone about my surgery, either, especially on a first date.
Laura in Texas
53 years old; 5'7" tall; HW: 339 (BMI=53); GW: 140 CW: 170 (BMI=27)
RNY: 09-17-08 Dr. Garth Davis
brachioplasty: 12-18-09 Dr. Wainwright; lbl/bl: 06-28-11 Dr. LoMonaco
"May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears."
Yeah, I definitely don't mind telling about my surgery and eventually it will come up, but a first date is kind of early for me (in my mind) to talk about exes, surgeries, etc. Keep it light and see if there is a connection :) I like the Starbucks idea. I am going to make sure to do that. Thanks to you and Kelly for the idea!
I'm so sorry DCgirl! That sounds horrible. I haven't been on any dates since my surgery, but first dates are awkward enough without the new surgery issues. I love that you found the silver lining! 10,000 steps is great! Good luck in the future, I wish I had advice to offer, but I too am pretty scared of how my surgery and the behavior differences will play out when I first meet someone. I think poetKelly's Starbucks advice is pretty solid. Coffee dates are safe and they're much easier to bail on if things go bad early :)
Yeah, the coffee date is generally pretty short so if it doesn't go well, you're not stuck for an entire evening. Like the time the guy showed up with no teeth. He has teeth, false ones, apparently, but he had misplaced them. So he just came toothless to Starbucks. It did not make a good impression.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Oh yes he did. He said he misplaced them and couldn't find them.
I would have rescheduled, too.
Ah, the joys of online dating.
He was wearing his teeth in his photo.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Wow! That is too funny. I haven't tried online dating yet (mainly because some of my larger friends who have done it say that they have received some really horrible comments, and I know I couldn't handle that. Hopefully in a couple of months my confidence is a bit higher and I'm more willing to put myself out there). The feedback I've received from friends though is it either goes really really well or horribly wrong and there doesn't seem to be much of a middle ground. Have you found that to be true as well?
I think it can be hit or miss. The issue is if you are size 24 (like I was when I was online), you tend to attract men who like girls that size. I dated quite a few men at that size. I never got any horrible comments - I think you either are someone's cup of tea or not.
The man who loves a "thick" girl may not be the best support as you are working out, eating small meals, not drinking, etc.
I really think my best bet is to keep focusing on myself and my health, and once I am fitter, dating someone who is fit or working towards it so we have similar values and lifestyles. Or at least someone who is supportive of me shrinking :)
I have always been confident, even at my biggest, and now for some reason having just made it under 300 (297) I am like super uber confident. I think men pick up on that, so definitely feel great about yourself before you put yourself out there. Remember - looks are important (for that initial attraction) but are not everything by any means, so keep in mind everything you bring to the table (being a nice person, an empathetic person, goal-driven, loving, etc).
You and I can commiserate about online dating once I get back out there in a few months too :) (yesterday's date was via a friend of a friend who just moved here)
I haven't had anything go horribly wrong. I mean, the toothless dude was a disappointment, but I would call it horrible.
I meet in a public place, drive there myself, drive myself home, which seems reasonably safe to me. I don't give out my address to someone online that I don't know and haven't met in person yet.
I've had really good experiences. My ex, who I met online, and I were together for nine years and we are still good friends, just not in a relationship anymore, for a few reasons, but that one worked out really well. I've had some others that went really well.
And some that were disappointing, but like I said, nothing horrible.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
