TERRIBLE 1st date post-surgery...any advice?

Heidi: HUH??????

You wrote: "You went out with a guy on a first date and insulted him before you even sat down with your empty calorie comment,"

The Op NEVER insulted the guy she made a comment about exercising and watching her calories and staying away from drinking which are empty calories for the moment - IMO NOT AN INSULT BUT A STATEMENT OF FACT ... beer = EMPTY CALORIES ... and the OP has the option to refuse a drink...

You wrote: "what was he supposed to say, yeah I prefer my calories empty like my girlfriends bubble brains."

Did you really mean to write this to the OP, a sista on the journey asking for a comment or advice on a light and friendly thread? ... were you trying to be harsh or insulting? because either way it does not pass the sniff test ... your comment is over the top and uncalled for... 

And you had wls, you are not a leper, he can see you, see what you weigh, see what you eat, I would assume you were some sort of fraud if you showed up at a date and picked at food and insulted the fact I had ordered a beer.

SERIOUSLY???? SMH... if I roll my eyes any further back they are going to get stuck ... get a grip sista WTH? ... if the OP is a fraud so am I ... I choose to disclose or withhold to whoever I please my WLS experience or any other aspect of my life ... I choose to eat as much or as little as I want to and I have the right to accept and/or reject a drink any time I want to ...I am no leper and I am no fraud .. and I AM NO PLEASER ... IF THE DINGBAT IS INSULTED BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO DRINK QUE SE VAYA A TOMAR POR EL CULO EL CABRON (translated F him) .... I am glad the sista did not have a drink and stuck to her ideals ... be it empty calories or having a drink with a stranger .. she has EVERY RIGHT to REJECT or INGEST or DISCLOSE whatever she so pleases without being a FRAUD....

A FRAUD is the person who goes along with the program just to 'please' another even when uncomfortable in the situation ... a 'fraud' is a pretender ... and the OP is NONE of those.... 

I have been on the board and interacted with you Heidi and have a soft spot for you because I like you .... I have read what you are going through ... but every once in a while when I least expect it you come up with some statements that make me go HUH? and I just had to reply to this one ... this is not nice ... and unless I and everyone else is mis-reading you it is totally uncalled for and below the belt and IMO immature.... GET A GRIP SISTA!!! said in love while SMH at what you wrote.

To the OP ... I stand in the gap and apologize ... keep on dating sista ... do not limit yourself and do not short change yourself either .... continue to stand for you .... when Mr. Right comes around you will know it.... 

Wishing you the best on your journey!!!! may it be fun filled and full of will to press on in challenging times too ((((HUGS)))) ,,,, pardon typos ... typing in a rush and in between breaks....

The right person will be effortless. Seriously. Be encouraged that by showing how vast your miscommunication with that guy was it was an obvious indicator that more dates would just waste your time. 

I used to think that the whole fairy tale marriage didn't exist where a man could make me feel cherished and whole the way my husband does. I spent years in a bad place with a man who I was absolutely incompatible with. He wasn't toxic, and neither was I alone, but together we were. I got to a point where I said "this is what it's like for everyone. No one is truly that happy. Everyone fights." 

It's not true. There is a man out there who will truly 100% "get you", and your love will be effortless. 

In the meantime, try not to get caught up in the bad ones. Seriously. When you know it's not a match try to accept it as soon as possible and move on because they are only keeping you from the man you are meant to be with. 

Thanks, KevinBacon - yep, I am fine with us not being compatible and was just curious how to date without food and alcohol lol. I've gotten some really great ideas :)  

I think that you were fine on that date, seriously. I dated people that I met online and you just never know how things are going to go.

Yes, you are still you, but the surgery does make a big difference in our lives, especially on a social level, especially the first few months.

You have gotten a lot of great advice here, ignore the Negative Nelly. I am sure that she was trying to give you some useful advice, but it came off awfully rude.

DCGirl, I have no advice on the dating thing since I married my first boyfriend and we've been together half my life! However, you seem like a genuine human being with a kind heart and a lot of class. I hope you find a man that will treat you with respect and kindness when you are ready. 

I did not talk to my boyfriend about my surgery until I got sick at his house one day.  He wanted to know what was wrong and I explained.  I would never bring it up on a first date.  A first date is for getting an idea of what you have in common.  I like to talk about our families, our jobs, our hobbies, music, movies, weather, anything else that you would discuss when meeting a stranger.

The fact that I had weight loss surgery years ago plays no real part in my current life.  I never bring it up with friends.  It is old history.  I will not pass out from walking 10,000 steps.  I know how to order food and to eat so that my surgery is not obvious.  On a first dinner date I would most likely choose soup or some slider food that is not going to get me full too quickly.  

 

Oh jees.

Please don't let this make you not want to date. This guy is an idiot. As soon as he said something stupid about not holding the door for a woman because we "want equality," BOOM. Bye! Seriously. I would have said, "Oh, I forgot I left my iron on. I'll find my way home."

I'm 100% serious.

As for alcohol, alcohol IS bad whether you miss it or not. What a better world we'd live in if nobody drank. Think of all the violence that's done because of people being drunk. This guy is a rhymes - with - moosh.

This is your new life. You get to live it the way YOU choose to. I have been sober for 27+ years. I had RNY 2/28/2012. I've been going to restaurants and being the designated driver (DD) for decades. I don't condone drinking, but I don't condone drunk driving even more.

You'll learn to respect yourself SO MUCH MORE as you get out there and BE YOURSELF. It's so much easier to be yourself when you are getting healthy and you look in the mirror and you see the person you FEEL like you are inside.

Bless your heart that you walked around DC with him. I think maybe that wasn't a great idea. BTW I'm a DC native and live 40 miles west of my birthplace now.

There's a saying: feeding strawberries to the hogs. You are the luscious strawberry; this rhymes - with - moosh is the hog.

Another saying (from the bible): Casting pearls before swine. You are the precious pearl… and you know the rest.

xoxoxo gg

This post is so true.

Well, I erased my first note.

I would kick that guy to the curb!

You had this surgery for you and it is for you to decide who knows about it.  At some point, this guy will not only embarrass you but will tell everyone he knows about your surgery the first time you make him mad.

I do not know what type of guy you normally would date but maybe start looking at potential dates the way you now look at food, is it going to be good for me and to me or is it gong to make me puke afterward?

Best wishes.  :)

I responded to Heidi on your thread and copying to you too...

Heidi: HUH??????

You wrote: "You went out with a guy on a first date and insulted him before you even sat down with your empty calorie comment,"

The Op NEVER insulted the guy she made a comment about exercising and watching her calories and staying away from drinking which are empty calories for the moment - IMO NOT AN INSULT BUT A STATEMENT OF FACT ... beer = EMPTY CALORIES ... and the OP has the option to refuse a drink...

You wrote: "what was he supposed to say, yeah I prefer my calories empty like my girlfriends bubble brains."

Did you really mean to write this to the OP, a sista on the journey asking for a comment or advice on a light and friendly thread? ... were you trying to be harsh or insulting? because either way it does not pass the sniff test ... your comment is over the top and uncalled for... 

And you had wls, you are not a leper, he can see you, see what you weigh, see what you eat, I would assume you were some sort of fraud if you showed up at a date and picked at food and insulted the fact I had ordered a beer.

SERIOUSLY???? SMH... if I roll my eyes any further back they are going to get stuck ... get a grip sista WTH? ... if the OP is a fraud so am I ... I choose to disclose or withhold to whoever I please my WLS experience or any other aspect of my life ... I choose to eat as much or as little as I want to and I have the right to accept and/or reject a drink any time I want to ...I am no leper and I am no fraud .. and I AM NO PLEASER ... IF THE DINGBAT IS INSULTED BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO DRINK QUE SE VAYA A TOMAR POR EL CULO EL CABRON (translated F him) .... I am glad the sista did not have a drink and stuck to her ideals ... be it empty calories or having a drink with a stranger .. she has EVERY RIGHT to REJECT or INGEST or DISCLOSE whatever she so pleases without being a FRAUD....

A FRAUD is the person who goes along with the program just to 'please' another even when uncomfortable in the situation ... a 'fraud' is a pretender ... and the OP is NONE of those.... 

I have been on the board and interacted with you Heidi and have a soft spot for you because I like you .... I have read what you are going through ... but every once in a while when I least expect it you come up with some statements that make me go HUH? and I just had to reply to this one ... this is not nice ... and unless I and everyone else is mis-reading you it is totally uncalled for and below the belt and IMO immature.... GET A GRIP SISTA!!! said in love while SMH at what you wrote.

To the OP ... I stand in the gap and apologize ... keep on dating sista ... do not limit yourself and do not short change yourself either .... continue to stand for you .... when Mr. Right comes around you will know it.... 

Wishing you the best on your journey!!!! may it be fun filled and full of will to press on in challenging times too ((((HUGS)))) ,,,, pardon typos ... typing in a rush and in between breaks....