Hey all :(

I've become extremely frustrated by my husband's micromanagement of my weight loss. I've come very far and I'm only 6 months out. Because I've had a week long stall (and because my losses have slowed from 20ish pounds a month to "only" ten) he claims I'm not taking my surgery seriously and I'm not putting in enough effort. I have a fitbit, track all my food and can show I'm serious about it, but he still wants to fight about it. I'm at a complete loss and I don't know what to do. I can't seem to prove to him I've "changed" despite, at least on a emotional and relationship level, I promised him I wouldn't when I had the surgery because we all know the dangers of the divorce rate for these surgeries. What should I do?

I can imagine that what you're describing is extraordinarily frustrating. I hope you come to a solution sooner than later. ::hugs::

I would stop trying to prove to him that you're taking it seriously.  Tell him he is not your doctor and not your dietician and that you do not need his help with your weight loss.  If he bugs you about not losing enough, well, stop telling him what you weigh. 

Would he be willing to see a marriage counselor with you?

I really feel that marriage counseling would be unnecessary... we have a very strong marriage other than this one issue. The main problem with "telling him what I weigh" is that we have a wifi scale that reports what we both weigh. :/ 

Even though you have a very strong marriage other than this issue, it seems like this issue is a big one, right?  And if you're not sure how to resolve it, a counselor could help.  Also, and I could be totally wrong here, but it sounds like there are a couple of issues going on.  First, it sounds like he doesn't fully trust you to do what you need to do with regard to your health and your weight.  If there is a lack of trust, that is a huge issue, I think.  Second, it sounds like he feels he has to control you.  That's not healthy in a relationship.  Counseling could help with that.

And if you don't want to tell him what you weigh, get a different scale.  Or just don't weigh yourself very often.

Good point. It's something I'll look into - or at least at a minimum discuss the kind of things you said here.

I don't feel like it's this huge issue - it has at absolute most come up three or four times a month - but you're right. There's a trust problem there that stems from years of me essentially "abusing myself" with food and lack of exercise.

As far as control, I think he thinks he's helping. I need to set harder boundaries. 

Thanks - you always give such great advice, I really appreciate it. :)

He probably does think he's helping.  You have a strong marriage, so I'm sure he wants to help.  Sounds like he doesn't know how.  Have you talked to him and told him what he can do to help?

Maybe you don't need marriage counseling, I'm not saying you do, I don't know you or your husband, after all.  But don't let it become a big issue.  It's obviously bothering you or you wouldn't have posted about it.  If you're able to discuss it with him and work it out between the two of  you, without a counselor, great.  But if you need help working it out, there's nothing wrong with that.  Doesn't mean you don't have a good marriage.  Just means you need a little help setting boundaries and he needs a little help figuring out how to best support you.

Counseling doesn't have to be about resolving huge problems.  It can be about preventing them.  I have been in counseling off and on throughout my adult life.  Right now, it helps keep my depression in remission without medication.  I highly recommend it.

Tell him you appreciate his love and support, but to be successful, you must do this on your own. Then set boundaries in what you are willing to share with him, what kind of support you need from him, and what your response will be if he tries to take control of your program. Then stick to it.  

I'm you are going through this, but stop fighting with him. Be clear about your needs and expectations, and get his agreement going forward. 

Devil's advocate here!!!  [We need a devil emoticon...OH..please get on it]

I was told by a Pastor (who's wife had gastric bypass) that there is also a lot of "mental changes" and worry that goes on with the spouse of a WLS patient!  They worry that you wont want them anymore now that you are hot and skinny. They wonder if they should interupt when they see other men hitting on you.  On one hand, you look like you are enjoying it...on the other hand-some dude i****ting on my wife!

Chances are, what you are eating has changed and has become more healthy [as it should].  Perhaps, you are able to get out more and try new things and are developing new interests and different mindset.

Perhaps all of your changes are motivating HIM to change.  I have never suggested to hubby that he should go to the gym. On weekends, when I feel like I dont want to do it, I ask him if he would like to accompany me. Sometimes he does...sometimes he doesnt. Anyway, recently he was watching me put on my running tights (he was leaving for church) and he muttered something about finding a gym close to work so HE could work out.

Some people (like myself), when stressed or faced with unexpected change, really buckle down and become micromanagers. It is weird, but somehow being able to control the stupidly mundane helps one feel like they got a handle on the bigger, more crazy cosmos.  

I agree with the other posters though. Set boundaries...but realize he is experiencing change too.