I still feel like an outsider

you know im kinda a outgoing person and I love people. When I was over weight I always felt like an outsider, like I never quite fit in. You know I still kinda feel that way.  I don't want to feel that way, and maybe its all in my head, but I still get those nagging feelings. does anyone else feel that way too?.

Sweety, you are YOU and that is all that counts you should feel you fit in anywhere,  Its something we all face time to time I think I know I have.  Have you seen a councelor to work through those issues and find out why you feel this way? That will help. Annrenee

Yeah, I know the feeling.  I  don't get it nearly as often as I did before.  I have to ask myself what am I expecting from this person or this group that I'm not getting. (in my saner moments!)   I have also learned to ask myself if this is a group I want to be with.  Sometimes that answer is a surprisingly NO.  Sometimes, I AM shut out.  I went to a party once where most of the people were post grads from UT and knew each other.  I definitely did not fit in and they were so excited about being together that I was overlooked.  At times like that, I just do the best I can and leave early.  It wasn't personal. One of my old coping mechanisms in a new situation  was to hold myself back and watch until I felt comfortable and safe... mostly safe.  It worked but it wasn't a good solution.  I've had people tell me that they think I didn't like them even though I was listening and smiling.  They sensed the 'wall'. It takes practice to tear down that wall.  Generally, when people meet, they form their first  impression from the other person's vibes (to use a 60's word!).  When someone feels good about themselves and are confident, that comes across even if they only smile and listen.  We need to practice projecting that instead of the cautious 'are you friend or foe'.   Fake it until you can make it. Go have lunch with that crazy Nashville bunch.  You'll have too much fun to feel left out.

I still feel this way as well. I can totally relate. I am hoping once I get to goal maybe before then I guess I really need to work on being happy with me first. I am glad of my accomplishments but have a ways to go till I reach my goal. 

I know what you mean. When I was obese I never felt like I fit in either. Now that I'm smaller many of the people who I felt excluded me now talk to me. I still feel like I don't fit in with them because I am still the same person they wanted nothing to do with before.  I have also been surprised by the number of people who have told me they never saw me as being as big as my before pictures show. These are the people who treat me the same now as they always have and I cherish them. I am becoming more self confidant around them. About the only group I feel really comfortable with are other WLS patients, whether they've had their surgery or not. I feel like we understand each others struggles and hopes. Only someone who has been there can understand the fear of not fitting into a booth or chair and the overwhelming joy when you do fit. Maybe some of this will change as I get farther out from surgery and can let go of some of the pain from past rejection. I know that I want to always remember what it felt like so I never lose the empathy for other obese people. May I always look at an obese person and remember, there but for the grace of God go I. And, with His daily guidance, I pray I never return to the shape I was in.

Don't worry so much about fitting in...cut the trail.  If the "feeling" is about you ....then I would encourage you to walk through those moments.  If it's about truly being excluded by others ...that is nothing more than the other person's insecurity...and if they project it to you ...you are better off not being included.  You are worth more.    And yes, I think we all (overweight or thin) have that feeling from time to time.   I think as someone whose overweight we often experence more often and more acutely. 

I have always been "weird".  Always wanted to be "normal" and be accepted, but never felt understood by people, or loved either. But, that will change for you.  yes sometimes I still feel like an outsider, but then I just hold my head up and say "Who cares? I have lost 121 lbs, dangit, and I deserve to be happy!" So I don't pay much attention to people anymore.  Only those that matter to me, those that are closest.  And, I have also been accepted into the gastric bypass fold of all my beautiful and skinny and wonderful friends from here on OH Tn Forum.  When those old ugly feelings start rising, I just count my blessings and see how many people God has sent itno my life!

I know exactly how you feel. I struggle with that every day although most would never recognize it. I put up a great front but when I am alone I struggle with what I said, and what was said to me......Therapy has taught me that most of what I feel in these situations is based on my lack of self confidence. I fight it because the alternative is to NOT allow the "inside me" out.  sometimes I have to hum that little song to myself...."this little light of mine!" Some days are easier than others.  Just remember, there is something special inside of you....in each of us....and you don't know who you may influence by just being yourself..... thank goodness for my TN forum family....I am so greatful we have each other.....