It's over!

Dear Susan, I agree a lot of things get dumped on Mom with little support or appreciation. I used to have "after-Christmas" depression, after I killed myself for everyone else only to be left alone with the dishes. My expectations never met reality because someone in my family would manage to never meet my expectations or blow me off after I made all the effort. It's horrible when your family members take you for granted. I have taken to telling my family "treat me like a guest" because a guest in one's home usually gets the most deference, the host always goes to fetch something, the guest gets the best chair, coffee cup is never empty, last piece of pie (like I don't need it anyway) but is always offered first to the "guest" and I'll take being a guest any day of the week. Isn't odd that we don't treat people we love with that kind of care, but a guest or stranger we fall all over them? I had to lower my expectations of everyone in my family a long time ago in order to not be hurt. It was so hard to do and I still have a hard time. However, to cope I found the Christmas traditions that were "non-negotiable" and let my family members know that the non-negotiable traditions were the traditions most important to me and the others well...they could slide. So for instance, I stopped getting a gift for every family member because they did not reciprocate anyway and my feelings were often hurt because I was unfortunately using that measure as a measure of their regard for me which was not accurate. So now, instead of gifts for everyone, we all pick a name and send that one person in the family a really nice gift. In return I can expect to get one really nice gift from my family and I am never hurt. I still buy for the kids under 18. After that, I want help decorating and so I host a party so I can get that help. With the time I save and the money I save I do something for charity, because I feel like I have been so blessed. That is really the most non-negotiable to me. So, a thought for handling next year might be that you determine what's the most important to you, let the rest slide, and find peace with giving to those who will appreciate your efforts, and the most important thing any person can do, is... forgive those who you love. Regardless of the way you have been treated, and the way you are taken for granted, you must know your family does love you even when they take you for granted, even when you are alone with the dishes. I have always thought that we train people to mistreat us and I have done my fair share of it. It takes a lot of effort to retrain our family to treat us like the precious beings we deserve to be treated like. I'm still working on my family. Little by little they are getting it. Here's to your next holiday and that it will be all you hope it will be.

Oh Donna I am so sorry you did not feel happy this Christmas....... I can feel how much you miss your family. That is a shame your grandson broke his arm but you know in a week or so he will be proudly showing off his cast and claiming his Christmas war wound! I am sure your daughter missed you very much but not nearly as much as you missed them! I hope you can change things next year so you are all together and then it sounds like you will all be happier. I am not sorry Christmas is over because I had a delightful time with Connor and the family - and I refused to let anything stress me...........and I took today off work so we could continue the nice family atmosphere - but work tomorrow so back to the grind! Donna you have made my last year very special and I so appreciate you and all your advice! I am looking forward to spending more time with you in 2007! Jackie

Hi Cutie, yes, I was not real happy this Christmas, that's for sure. I always feel bad because Greg tries so hard to make me happy, I feel like a spoiled brat!! You're right about Sam, I'm sure. I knew you would have a wonderful time Jackie, and I am so happy for you It makes such a difference when you're with little kids. Just makes it more magical. I called of course on Christmas morning and both my daughters let their kids open their presents from us while we were on the phone so that was fun for us. Thank you Jackie for all your sweetness to me. I still plan on going to one of your support meetings!! love donna p.s. Happy New Year!

Hi Donna - I know it is hard when your heart is somewhere else and you are torn in two and can't be in both places at once. At least Greg tries which is nice..... Usually I used to be able to take or leave Christmas but since Connor came along, my whole perspective has changed..... suddently it is important to make Christmas great for Connor and I am happy when he gets presents for himself and don't really care about myself - although I have to say I for some wonderful presents this year! If you are ever down my way you would be more than welcome at one of our support meetings or just come around my house and we can have a good old chat! Jackie

Hi Donna - Nope not the only gal feelin' less than peachy bout Cmas this year. I could really just have done without the holidays this year. I believe it was Lei who mentioned something bout sleepin' from the day before turkey day until the day after new years. Man does that ever fit me this year. My saving graces are my buggas and the never ending love, smiles, hugs and kisses between us. Cmas Eve was the WORST I remember in my life. Cmas Day was so busy that I am thankful I didn't have time to think or feel a darn thing. It's now the next day and honestly my focus is so discombobulated that I am just taking things task by task and hour to hour. I am taking care of my buggas and this may sound harsh but screw everything/anything else. Seriously, the highlight of my day today was watching a movie (The Devil Wears Prada) and dang if I didn't identify with the WHOLE darn thing and yet more BLAHHHHHHHHHHH. I got the BEST Cmas gift and I could never receive anything better for the rest of my entire life (with the exception of meeting God when he calls me home) and they are Kayla & Nora. Donna - I hope the new year is wonderful for you and for everyone here and their families as well. Hugs, Kitty Kat

Hi Ms Kitty Kat, I'm sorry you had a bummer Christmas Eve, but a nice swet Christmas with your darling daughters. And your mom is close by, isn't she? Family is so important Kat, I know you know that. I hope you have a happy New Year Kat. love donna

Hi Lei, I definitely want a DVD!!!! Please please please!!! How awesome is that, that you were on the news!! I am not surprised. If anyone told me, one of your friends is on the news and making her TV debut, I would say oh yeah, it's Lei!! Oh, and Mr. Peanut Head of course, oops, sorry Sir Peanut Head. It sounds like you had a great Christmas with your son. And here I was worried about you!! And how sweet that he spoiled his mama with presents. Sometimes kids come through. Sometimes they don't. Thanks for the funny story Lei. It started my ho hum day off with a good feeling. Send the video!! love donna P.S. Happy New Year to you honey!!

YUP, sometimes I wish I had a remote and could FF right into the new year!!!! WELL, I do so enjoy the party, but then comes the hangover...........YUP, FF right into 2007!!! That works really well for me too!!!! Sorry about all you people who had a less than fun Christmas. Mine was about the same. LEILANI>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>BITE ME!!!!!!!!!! Maybe next year we need to plan our yearly get together in Richmond for CHRISTMAS DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY, I may be onto something here!!! to all who need one!!!! XOOXOXOXOXO Sharon