VERY UPSET over Story

Ok....now that I have read the article, I'd like to post my thoughts on this subject...... To begin with, bashing Kat is really not helping the situation. In fact, it is only bringing WLS in a more negative light, because it looks as if something is being hidden. We all know that she has an illness - heck she admitted to it over 6 months ago. So, why is it a surprise that an article appeared in People magazine to discuss her illness? I think that what surprises me is that no one seems to be upset over the fact that while she has admitted to having an illness, the article states "Sober for nearly a year, Ring says that she has learned how to have an occasional drink without falling victim to bingeing". If you are an alcoholic, the worse thing you can do is have an occasional drink. While I was doing research for WLS, I came across a lot of information on the physical changes I would encounter as a result of the surgery. But, very little information on the emotional changes I would experience. I did not see anything out there regarding transfer addiction and WLS. (However, looking back on it, it does make complete sense that it would occur.). There was nothing that told me that I would look at my size 6 body as if it was a size 16. Nothing that told me that I would feel the occasional inadequacy of "Why me? Why couldn't I do this on my own when others can?". Nothing that told me that I may become obsessed with my weight/exercise/eating out of fear of becoming 263 again. Did I go into this thinking that all of my problems would be solved? Heck no! I KNEW that would not happen. But, did I think that new issues would come up? No...that I did not consider. We, here on the board, are so open to discuss the physical changes that we encounter but, for some reason, are very quiet to the mental changes that we must also deal with. So, we end up dealing with them in quiet. Fortunately, for some of us, we have support groups at our disposal to discuss some of these issues, but what about those who do not attend, or cannot attend because there isn't one close by? What do they do? Suffer in silence???? Now, let's talk about the transfer addiction. We are ALL suffering from some form of it. For some it is alcohol (I personally have read way too many posts here where alcohol issues were the subject - either admitting an addiction, or speculation to someone's illness/hospitalization due to over use of alcohol), for some, it is shopping, and for others, it is sex, plastic surgery, exercise, family, life, etc............ I can honestly say for myself it has been a combination of these and depending on my mood will depend on which one it is. And, I suspect that I am not alone on this one, just based on what I have seena nd heard. Some of us have made our addictions positive, while others have not. Does that make them bad people? No... it just means that they chose a different route, for whatever reason. But, the point is...we ALL have demons that must be dealt with and these addictions feed those demons. The journey is not rosy for everyone. To call each other hypocrites without looking in the mirror at yourself is also unproductive. In my opinion, this is something that should be discussed, and I really hope that this thread isn't pulled, because I think that now that it is out in the open it should be discussed. And, I think that it could be discussed in a manner that is helpful to those coming up AND to those who may be considered "old pros". Now....my opinions to the events and the article. I can understand why people are upset with Kat. The article does not put the group in a very favorable light. But, were the facts inaccurate? I'm not sure. I didn't hear about people puking off of the balcony, but I have heard stories of the constant partying in the Richmond area. As for the event, I, for one, was told point blank that these events are not informational to those who are over 1 year out. That it is a big party and to attend (when you are over 1 year out) is to do nothing more than party. I was told this by people who attend ALL of these events, and is highly respected in this community. So, I take their word as gospel on this subject. Also, I have attended one of the social gatherings here, and yes....it was a big party. It was great, as I got to meet some really neat people from the board, but, it was a big party. However, I watched people who were 1 month out drinking without regard to the healing of their pouch. Yes, I stood there and sipped a beer right along with them. But, I was 7 months out and made dang sure (with the old pros there) that I would be ok. I have seen the pictures posted and have heard of the horror stories that have come away from these events and gatherings. People bragging about having sex with other members, getting drunk, etc. And it is because of these stories and such that I, for one, shy away, which is too bad because I enjoy most people but know that I can be the life of the party if I wanted to be. But, I NEVER purposely put myself in a position that I would be embarrassed if pictures came back - so I'm not even going to ask that pictures not be taken. But, I am not the only one who has commented on this. There are several people in the support group that I attend who would like to attend these things, but do not want to get wrapped up in the drama of it all. I will never dispute the amount of time Nat and David have put into these events, but I do not see this article as a reflection against them either (as some have suggested). They put the events together and the attendees determine their behavior - not Nat and David. So, in closing....these are my opinions and only my opinions. Sorry if you do not feel the same, or feel that my posting is directed towards you. It is not directed towards anyone specifically and is merely a generalization to what I have seen/heard here on the board and the gatherings I have attended. Right now I, along with many others, want to attend the OH event in November, but are concerned about the antics that may take place. Am I a prude...heck no...just cautious. Jill 263/136/135

I haven't yet read the article but I have to agree with Jill on her points. I too have heard, unfortunately, more negative than positive in relation to what goes on at the conferences. No, I haven't attended any myself but where do I get the information? From this board and from those that I speak with. Unfortunately, what people fail to realize is that perception is reality. My perception is that David and Natalie work very hard to put the conference together but my perception is also that the after party is what is talked about. I very rarely see posted "So and so was an awesome speaker and I learned XYZ." Do I like to party? Heck ya! How do you think I got my screen name? Do I drink? Yup but I have a self imposed limit. When I go out I drink 1 beer/glass of wine (2 max but that is very rare). This fact can be verified with anyone who has been out with me. I don't drink hard liquor/juice primarily because I am afraid of what the sugar will do to me but also because my surgeon told me not to drink it and because that is a pile of empty calories that I choose not to add to my daily intake. The new me is learning to be high on life and have a great time without being drunk (unfortunately that was difficult for me before but now I am more comfortable in my own skin). Am I addicted to alcohol? Not at all. Do I display other addictive behaviors? Sure do! Although I have attempted to quit repeatedly, I smoke more than I did before surgery, I drink caffeine like it is going out of style and I shop like mad! I buy foods that I know I shouldn't eat just to have them in the house. I open the packages, let them go stale and throw them away. I don't eat them but is this a compulsive/addictive behavior? Sure is! Do I have psychological issues? Yeah, I think that most of us do...obesity is an eating disorder just like anorexia and bulemia. It is routed in psychological issues. For me, losing my protective barrier of weight has been difficult but I have been in therapy regularly since before I had my surgery and it helps me. Everyone's addictions and compulsions manifest in different ways and yes, when you eliminate one addition, another usually takes over. Why do you think so many people who quit smoking gain weight? Because they replace the cigarettes with food. All of those problems that I used to blame on my weight can no longer be blamed on my weight and it becomes a harsh reality that you either step up and face or you find another addiction to hide behind. I think that it was great for Kat to bring some of these issues out because they are a reality that needs to be dealt with when contemplating surgery. Do I think that Kat may have made a poor choice in organizing an event at a bar? Possibly. The reality is, how many people would have attended if she set it up for everyone to go see a movie or to go to the gym or Starbucks or whatever? From what I have read and the pictures that I have seen, not many. I notice even here when we do a get together for dinner, attendance is on the low side, but when we do a get together for a night at the club, people drive from miles away and book hotels, etc. just to attend. I have seen people here drink way more than they should, get sick, pass out, etc. Do I judge them? No. I think that like me, they have their own demons and must deal with them. The bottom line is that there are many mental changes that go along with the physical changes and I think that it was courageous for Kat to put hers out there for the public. We focus on all of the physical but I very rarely see someone post about seeing a therapist regularly before and after surgery. I think that has helped me immensely. The only time I see someone post anything about therapy is when someone says that they are having a problem and all physical solutions have been exhausted. As I said, I did not read the article but based on the posts that I have read, I feel that maybe in certain instances Kat may have made poor word choices but let's stop bashing her for telling her story and let's look at what she was really trying to get to. And by the way, there is no need to transfer your anger towards Kat to any other board(myspace, etc) or pu**** into any other topic. If you have a problem with what she said, take a good look at why you have a problem with it...sometimes it is hard to face the truth and I can say that from personal experience... Christine 253/153/158/134

Saturday afternoon as I was checking my mail, I was happy to see my new People magazine. While doing my initial leaf-through of the mag, I saw and read Kat's part immediately. I also screamed some words that I will not repeat here. Haven't we been through this before--several months ago? Didn't anyone learn anything about being respectful of others and in choosing their "published" words carefully, so as not to generalize all WLS patients, or to offend soooo many people with their need for attention? Apparently not. It just so happens that as I found this article and screamed, Natalie was in my house. When all of this came up before, she was hurt beyond belief. However, as she is a truly amazing person, she chose to forgive and forget. Exactly one week before her wedding to a wonderful man, she gets slapped in the face again with this BS. As most of you know, she is supposed to stay away from stress as much as possible due to her adrenal insuffiency. Let me tell you, it was hard to try to calm her down, especially since I was livid as well with the misleading article. I have chosen not to respond to this until now, as I wanted to give myself some time to cool down. If I had responded on Saturday, this post would have been pulled due to its harshness. So many of you who have actually BEEN to these events and KNOW what does or doesn't go on have responded in ways that have made me cheer! Yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion; however, personal knowledge of events should count for quite a bit. Do WLS'ers drink? Some do, some don't. Do WLS'ers smoke, gamble, shop to excess, etc? Some do, some don't. We, as adults, are entitled to make these decisions. WE ARE ALL HUMAN. WLS should not be the one thing that defines each of us as an individual. It all boils down to the Golden Rule: Treat others the way YOU want to be treated. Forgive and forget? Sure--ONCE. However, as I am an imperfect person, I cannot and will not forgive and forget this time. Sincerely, JoAnn

Hi JoAnn, Is this article in the currant issue of People Magazine? I have not read the article. I was there for the Richmond conferrence, and had a wonderful, informative experience. Bottom line about all of this in my opinion is this. "Choices". People choose what path they walk down, no body forces anyone to do anything they do not want to do. I do not drink, I do not speak badly about those who do. David and Natalie truly worked so hard on that conferrence to put it all together in such a spectacular way. I met such nice people, people who were there for me when I had my surgery, to lend support. The afternoon classes were very informative and I left there believing that I had benefited by attending. Take care, Donut

Hi, Donna! You need to get a picture of your pretty self up! Yes, the article is in this week's magazine. It has American Idol contestants on the cover. JoAnn

Hi Donut Im not Joann but yes it is in the currant issue w/ american idol on the front. I met you there this past conferrance and I to think it was a wonderful, informative experience. Its sad this has come to this. I myself am looking forward to the next conferrence....

OK, I read the article and I am going to attempt to be the voice of reason here for just a second...hope no one takes offense because just to put it out there now, none is intended. After all that I have been reading all day, I was looking for a 6 page spread of personal attacks written by Kat. Instead what I found was a 4 paragraph article written by someone else. It appears to me to be one woman's story related to the topic at hand which is "Transference of Addiction." Prior to reading the article I at least partly expected to read about Kat regretting surgery etc but I didn't see that either. I saw no comment on anything related to WLS except its relation to addiction. Period. I saw nothing that would indicate what conference she was referring to or who was in attendance. Anyone not associated with this board would most likely have no idea what she was talking about. For those who are not familiar with interviews and this type of thing, you can talk to the writer for hours and they will pull out what they need to fit the topic. For all we know, Kat may have told the writer that she was happy about her surgery or she could have said she regretted it or she could have said, well, anything. The bottom line is that the writer chose not to include that. If you read the portion from the other woman, Annette Hinton, her opinion of WLS is not in her little blurb either. That's the angle the writer chose to take. In reading the article, there were no names mentioned and no reference was even made to OH in particular. Once again, we don't know what Kat told the writer about the actual conference but that was not part of the subject that the writer was interested in. The writer, again, only (obviously to me) pulled out the parts that directly related to transference of addiction. I think ya'll are being quite hard on Kat for expressing her opinion. We are all supposed to be here to support each other and personally, if I had a problem with what Kat wrote (or anyone else for that matter), I would send her a personal email and express my concerns to her and only her so that she would have the opportunity to explain herself in a non threatening, civilized manner. I don't believe that she has been given that opportunity (Obviously some people may have emailed her privately but I see a lot of bashing on this board). Frankly, if a magazine came to me and asked me to tell my story, I would tell it because I am not afraid of this type of bashing but there may be others who may have the opportunity to share their experiences in public but they don't because they are afraid of the backlash because they say something that gets taken wrong or whatever...now that would be a shame. I just hope that at least some of you would show Kat the common courtesy that you would hope to get if you wrote an article and put yourself out there. If I was new to this board, I would not be scared away by Kat's article, but instead, by the lynching that followed. I thought that we were all better than that. At this moment this board is so full of anger that I think everyone needs to start apologizing to each other for the meanness that has been slung...I'm going to start by saying that I am sorry if I offended anyone by anything that I have said...that was certainly not my intention. Christine

I read that article. I'm new here and I'm even pre-op. I have to say that I really haven't been very warned about addiction transferring. Nor have I read much about it. I've read a number of books about WLS, in general, and I recall reading maybe a small article about it. I really haven't thought much about that subject in advance though. Probably not like I should have. So, if Kat's intention was to bring that sort of food/alcohol transfer to the forefront, that's ok. It was her experience. When I read her posts from, I guess it was last year that someone posted, my first thought was that she was young and was obviously looking forward to the chance to let loose. I agree strongly with one of the posts above - that a persons behavior is a choice. Good or bad. It's no one else's fault. It's not the surgerys fault, as everyone has the opportunity to get help and everyone has their own personal demons. Even though there might be some good info going on at those meetings, I can say that I will be steering WAY clear of that sort of fest. Good info is available in many other places with less drama. I don't need no one else's drama...lol. I'd lilke to add that, if you choose to put your experience in a national magazine, you have to be prepared to hear from those who support you and those who are opposed to whatever you said. That's just the way it is. If you're confident in what was written and it's the truth, then you need not be defended OR offended by anyone. I wonder if she had any legal-type of advice prior to submitting her experience? Not sure how often Ill be back here - even though I like to surf the posts of everyone's recipes and stuff. Just some thoughts and my .02. I'd like to ask that someone locally, please email me with the local get togethers... Thank ya kindly! xo J

Joy- Please do not let this drama keep you away. There are alot of great people here who have alot of experience in various aspects of this journey and can be of great help and support. Jill

Hi Joy. The subjet of addiction transfer is one that is now starting to get recognized and acknowledged by the medical field. I don't think that too many of us have a lot of information on it and for the most part those that do are getting it from personal experience and/or really great drs, nutritionist, therapists, etc who are on the ball. The response on this subject has been very strong and very opinionated. We here on the VA board don't usually have such issues amongst us but this is one that everyone feels very stongly about. Please don't let this situation determine your presence on the board. We share a lot here and always welcome new members. Courtney