adolescent question

My daughter is 13 years old, 5' tall and weighs 300 pounds. She has asthma and cannot run, she needs to exercise in order to lose weight, but can't because shecan't breathe. I have tried everything to help her lose weight. In her mind, she is never full, she waits for me to go to bed, sneaks food, and is very very unhappy with her appearance. I am debating whether a surgery would help her? I don't know what else to do, she is very unhappy with her appearance, and in turn eats because she is unhappy, all the kids of course make fun of her, and she is just miserable. I feel bad for her, I've tried taking her to specialists, and they just tell me she needs to cut down on eating, well how do you tell a 12 year old, that she can't have milk, or diet pop, jus****er (as this is what a specialist told me). I was very distraught after meeting with this doctor, as he was very cruel as to the way he spoke with her about her weight problem. I am at a lost as to what to do to get her going down on the scale instead of up. I am afraid if she continues she will be one that won't/can't get out of bed in a few years. What is opinions of a surgery for an adolescent?

IM not saying what im about to say to be mean in any way..but something you stated erked me and took me back to my child hood. "" I've tried taking her to specialists, and they just tell me she needs to cut down on eating, well how do you tell a 12 year old, that she can't have milk, or diet pop, jus****er (as this is what a specialist told me)."" She's not going to loose any weight if you don't help her NOT have these things (except the milk,just switch the kind). If my mother took the time to help me eat right I would of maybe not of been in the boat I was in,I think it's easier as a parent to just give our kids what they want..(I know IM guilty of it as well) As far as surgry for her,only one who can truley reccomend if it's an option for her or not is a surgeon but,If she has or you have issues of saying NO and not changing the eating habits then it's not going to help.

Is she in any sort of counseling at all? Also - if she's sneaking things she's not supposed to eat, stop bringing those things into the house.

I agree with the others. If you won't help her the surgery won't help. It is a life changing thing. I will never again have soda, chocolate, sugar....ect. Because I have chosen a life change. It is extremely hard to deny myself these things, but I know my new stomach can't handle that kind of stuff. And yes it would be much easier if you didn't buy the junk food or soda's. The whole household will benifit from the life style change. I am not telling you not to look into the surgery, but research it like you have never reaserched before. I looked into this for almost 3 years. Your daughter is still very young. It might be hard to find a surgeon that operates on kids that young. I am sorry if this sounds har**** is not meant to be. Keep your chin up. Corinn

I agree with the others and I think you are truly sidestepping the problem. Your daughter needs therapy from a GOOD therapist who is used to dealing with eating disorders, preferably obesity. I had a similar experience as you described. When I was about your daughter's age, I went to a therapist who's first words out of her mouth were "Why do you think you are so fat?" It was more how she said it than what she said and at that point I was probably about 175 5'3" or so. If you are in VA Beach, I can recommend an EXCELLENT therapist. If you want the info, email me privately. Good luck! Please remember that you can shape her life right now. Be sensitive to what's going on and be willing to make whatever lifestyle changes may be necessary for your ENTIRE family to be healthy and happy. Christine

My heart goes out to you and your family in this situation. A surgery might help but it isn't the surgery by itself. The surgery doesn't fix the problem. The surgery is our tool to use along with what we learn about how to treat our bodies in order to be healthy. There are many lifestyle changes that we have to do in order to stay healthy and keep the weight off. A cruel specialist or doctor is not going to be much help. Changing things within the household would be a big help and a good place to start. Research healthy eating and exercise. There are tapes out for exercising that can be done while sitting, this might help with the breathing problems until things become more manageable. Therapy might also be a good step. There may be underlying problems that your daughter needs to address. Also research your surgery options and surgeon options. The young age of your daughter might be a big factor and you may need to really search out the solution. Courtney