In a surreal state

Well, it is now 5 am, and I have spent the past 3+ hours laying in bed reflecting on my day. It all started out well enough. An ordinary weekend after which I had to drag myself into work. The weather was terrible and some construction workers were scurrying to salvage some tarp which was whipping in the wind. I got to my office, swapped stories of the weekend with my co-workers, and then met with my first interviewee of the day. About 20 minutes in, one of my co-workers kept looking into my office, so I decided to wrap up the interview. My interviewee was going to be late for class. In case you aren't aware, I work in Career Services at Virginia Tech. Thankfully, my student wasn't going anywhere. Apparently there was a shooting in the dorm a couple buildings down earlier that morning, so the campus was in lockdown. We were a bit concerned but figured they were just keeping us out of the way like they did during the fall incident. Actually, my second interviewee (I'm trying to find an intern to help me with the Externship Program in the fall) got stuck in the lockdown with us, so we decided to go ahead with the interview. Of course we were told to stay away from the windows, so we moved into a tiny interier GA office to talk. Just like the first student, we really hit it off and were joking and laughing throughout the interview. After we finished up, we headed to the staff lounge (one of the very few downstairs rooms without windows) and the TV was on. We asked what was going on; the others said that there might be two gunmen because there was another shooting across campus. All we knew was there was one fatality and 7-8 injured. There we were, counselors, administrative staff, and students, all glued to the television waiting to hear what was going on outside, just like the rest of the world. However, unlike everyone else, we knew some things didn't add up. According to our maintenance person's campus scanner, there were at least 20 people involved (but we didn't know how bad), and they could no longer take people to Montgomery County Hospital????? So there we sat. At least with our office being how it is, we had pleanty of snacks around for comfort food (yes, I had fully buttered popcorn...the first since my surgery). Then it was time for the press conference. Everyone in the room was talking, but I swore I heard 20 fatalities! What the*#! All morning it had been 1 fatality; now it had jumped to 20????? I asked everyone if she really said fatalities, but they hadn't been watching. Almost immediately, they repeated that there were 20 fatalities and numerous injuries. I sat there numb while tears poured into the eyes of the girls I had interviewed earlier (there were a few other students in the room as well and their response was similar). We were then told that we could leave campus...that was 12:30pm. Needless to say, we were all in shock...Virginia Tech....we always felt safe here. This was the type of campus you could walk around at night and not worry (too much). Blacksburg is pretty much a small town, at least compared to Richmond. Within the next hour, we were allowed to leave the campus. Thankfully, right before I abandoned my office earlier that morning (I have a great window that looks out toward the stadium), I emailed my husband to let him know that we were all safe in Career Services, but since my cell phone doesn't work in the building, I needed him to call my Mom and let her know. If I hadn't have done that, my family really would have freaked out. The cell phones lines were so tied up, I had to get 10 miles away from campus before I could get a line out. Once I got to my car, I found that cars were backed up majorly in attempts to leave campus. Thankfully, I always take a back route; the dirt road that runs through the horse & sheep pastures. That was in the opposite direction of the backup, so I actually got out pretty quickly. Thinking back though, my mind was so clouded, I didn't even watch the numerous colts & fillies playing in the field (my highlight of coming & going from work in the spring). As I made my way home, the death toll kept rising. All afternoon I recieved phone calls from people I hadn't heard from in ages. When I called my friend in Edgewater, MD, she was thankful to hear from me, but their family hadn't heard from one of her cousins who went to VT. I told her not to worry because of the problems I had getting out on my cell phone. She then proceeded to breakdown and tell me that another one of her cousins, a 24 year old fireman, had died in the line of duty that morning. I spent my afternoon glued to the television set. The buildings all looked familiar and I knew they were talking about my Virginia Tech, but for some reason it still felt like it was something happening somewhere else. I still can't fathom that I was actually there on campus; thankfully, on the otherside of campus from the massacur. Of course, this wasn't enough to be going on. My mom called me later in the evening to tell me of some bad news. Well, my brother has been dating this girl for the past few months (althought they have known each other for years). The shocker for us initially was that she had a newborn (no Lee wasn't the father), but Lee just adored Aiden and treated him like his own (except he refused to do diaper duty). Yesterday morning, they went to get Aiden up and found him dead in the crib. Lee has been in shock over it and hadn't called any of us. Mom found out when she called to make sure he was ok as well since he lives in Blacksburg too. They still don't know what happened to the baby. Well, it is now 5:30am. My mind still hasn't fully wrapped around the events of yesterday. Thankfully, we don't have work tomorrow because I just don't think I could handle it right now. What I am really dreading is once they reveal the names and pictures of the deceased. Are any of the students mine from the co-op or externship programs? Are any of the faculty my departmental contacts? Even if I don't personally know any of the deceased; I can't help but think about how all of their bright and promising futures were snuffed short. Not only are there parents without their children, but how many children had their mom/dad/grandparent taken from them as well? Thank you for letting me get this out. In the past several months, I haven't been on the board much at all. For some reason though, as I lay in bed muddling through, I knew where I could go...to all of you. I'm not looking for answers; under the cir****tances, they can't be found. Just support.

Julie, I'm praying for your entire community and for all the families and friends of the victims. It's all so unimaginable. Margaret

Julie you went through a lot yesterday. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you struggle with these events. They are also with your family and friends and the campus and community. Such terrible tragedies. Please know we are all here for you. Courtney

I am so sorry for all of the losses and injuries on campus yesterday! I have been in tears since I heard the news early yesterday morning. It is just awful. My thoughts and prayers are with every member of the Va. Tech Community. ~Robin

Julie: I work for the University of Maryland and I can tell you that we were all in shock and tears all day. Some of the students here knew students at VT and were on pins and needles trying to contact them to see if they were safe. I can imagine the fear and disbelief you have gone through. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family, and the entire staff and student population at VT. Tanya

Julie, I don't know what to say. I cannot imagine the range of feelings that you went/are going through. I am glad you remembered that this is the most wonderful supportive group of people. My prayers, my tears go out to all at VT. Jen

Julie, The events of yesterday were nothing short of horrific and I am not sure how people get over something like this. I am so sorry for your whole community. And I feel for your son, girlfriend and theor loss. What a bad bad day all around yesterday. I am praying for you, your family and your colleagues. Jackie

Julie, I echo the previous comments when I say that our hearts and prayers go out to you and everyone on the campus of Tech. I live in the NoVA area and went through 9-11 not knowing until late in the day if my husband was on the plane that crashed in PA. They trama all of you are going through is the same. Please know that many of us are praying for you all to find some peace in the midst of the tragedy.

I responded under the MN lurker's post. I thought about you and Melissa, and former students who are at Tech now. What a sad day for these students, faculty and family! For me this a just a reminder of my own tragedy--but multiplied 32 fold. Lois

Julie, My flag in Ann Arbor, Michigan, is now flying at half-mast in sorrow of the tragedy at VT. My heart goes out to all of you there, so, so many have been affected by this horrible event. The thoughts and prayers of the entire country are with you. My daughter is a college freshman at a college in Ohio, and I had to call her last night just to hear her voice. It sometimes seems there is no safe place left anywhere anymore from a deranged individual with a gun, not a school, not a university, not even a small Amish community. May you find comfort in the common grief of your community. Debra M.